Jul 16, 2009

QUERY- BROKEN (new query)

A revision has been posted, click here to read it.

Dear [Agent X],

Madeline “Madd” Gunn is a fallen cop who knows where to find the best breaded steak sandwich in Chicago, how to fire a .45 without missing, and who murdered her kid sister.

After every lead on her sister’s case dries up, Madd quits the force and teams up with a group of well-connected vigilantes who hunt down violent criminals and arrange their deaths. When “The Protectors” hand Madd the name of her sister’s killer and an untraceable .45, she fires four bullets into his chest and watches him die.

There’s only one problem. She killed the wrong man.

Once a phone call confirms her worst fears, Madd knows that someone has set her up. But who? Now her name is on The Protectors’ hit list and finding her sister’s killer is only the beginning of her problems. She needs to live long enough to uncover the truth, and some very powerful people want her dead.

BROKEN is an 86, 127 word thriller about the irreversible consequences of revenge. My short stories have appeared in [redacted] and [redacted].

Thank you for your time.


Joshua McCune said...

2.) I had to re-read the first paragraph to get it... the 1st time I read it, I thought that Madd had murdered her sister (and then got confused reading on) -- the second time, I realized that you were communicating the originaly 'who knows' to the three items (which is the proper way to write, but I still got confused) -- could just be me :)

Joshua McCune said...

Whoops -- sorry, the original got cut off:

Very nice query :) -- only had two minor points:

1.) round the word count

2.) (see post above :)

Lori Folkman said...

I also thought she had murdered her sister. Yikes! But that can be easily fixed, just add find before who murdered.

I think your query is great. And supposedly, editors are looking for books with strong female protagonists, so you might have a winner here! Good luck.

Scott Daniel said...

I'm not sure that I would agree with Bane about Madd killing her sister. What I will ask, however, is that if she knows who killed her kid sister, why does she need the help of the Protectors?

Other than that, I thought this was outstanding. A very good plot and what appears to be a interesting lead character. It sounds like a book that I would purchase.

Great job!

MonikaS said...

I don't think you need to change the first paragraph at all. I understood it perfectly on the first read and I think it's a nice set up for the rest of the query.

I do agree that you should round down your word count to 86,000, but other than that I know you have a winner. If the manuscript if just as well written you should get some requests for sure.

Good luck!

Madeline said...

Agree with all of the above I had to read the first paragraph 3 times before I was clear that she hadn't killed her own sister. Otherwise, sounds good!