Apr 22, 2010

Query: FOCUS, SAM (Revision 1)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent:

Sameer Sathe fell for seven women in his life. One of them is going to save his life.

Sameer is good with books in his bookshop, but with nothing else, including growing up. He also has a problem – his once a year accidents. A mystic tells him after his twenty fifth accident that there is a curse on him and that he will be dead after his next mishap. However, there is a saviour – one of the women Sameer fell in love with. The issue is, though he did fall in love with many women, not many women fell in love with him.

Sameer begins his quest, starting with the girl he promised to marry when they both were seven year olds (she rejected him) to the woman who broke their engagement (he thinks she did it because he hates people who don't know Stephen King) he reconnects with all of them. He realizes that he affected their lives profoundly, and most often in a terrible way. Sameer has just two weeks with every woman to perhaps undo the damage he caused.

Is Sameer able to rid himself of the curse?

My 78,000 words ladlit FOCUS, SAM, will appeal to the readers of Nick Hornby.

Would you like to see the sample chapters?

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Kind regards,
Rohit Gore


Lori Folkman said...

Nice job on your revision. I like your opener. I think that first line you should change life to lifetime.

The third paragraph gets a little confusing. That first sentence is too long--and I don't know if the woman who broke off the engagement is the same one he just talked about. That just needs some clarification.

That last tag line...about him riding himself of the curse...it seems like I read somewhere that you are not supposed to leave open-ended questions like that in a query. You might want to look that up.

Last question: does he go by Sameer all through the book, or by Sam, as the title indicates? I think I would just call him Sam in the query so the title makes more sense.

Good luck!

Rohit Gore said...

Thanks a lot folksinmmt! Special thanks for poining out some interesting things like not having the query end with a question :-)