Query for memoir-THE VOICE OF BEAST

Dear [agent's name inserted here],

Beast, a metaphorical character create to speak on behalf of my pain, is birthed the evening Esther, a gifted Christian counselor, asks, "What does the pain look like?" Her bent for asking unusual questions opens doors long shut on my abusive childhood and invites me to know my pain. Admitting I need help, that self-harm is a broken crutch I use to cope, lifts the fog on
my pain because ignoring my past is finally more painful than the perceived risks of facing it. I begin sending Esther regular installments of the Beast's world within my heart and embrace his character as an unlikely ally who leads me to discover the Little Girl within in me, memories of abuse and the courage to confront my father, and forge genuine relationships with
those around me, beginning with myself.

THE VOICE OF BEAST is a 85, 000 word memoir told through both Beast's eyes and my own as I awaken to pain and then surrender it into God's hands; my ashes for His beauty. This book is for those affected by mental illness, particularly those who battle with self-harm or depression and have their own Œbeasts¹ and Œignored little girls¹ living inside them. It offers insider's perceptions to anyone who has a relationship or support and counseling role with abuse survivors or mental health suffers. It reaches out to anyone who has ever had cause to hurt, or ever ached to ask God the difficult questions surrounding abuse and its effects. The foreword is
written by [insert name], BOccThy (UQ), MCouns (CHC), counselor, guest speaker and university lecturer.

I contribute regularly to Footprints Magazine (Australia) and wrote on the topic of Self harm in my article Beast: A Story of Self Harm for their winter 2009 issue. I have also been published in Home Life Magazine (USA) and Parenting Express (Australia).

I am seeking agent representation and would appreciate your consideration. Thank you for your superhuman effort to connect with and support writers via your blog. I appreciate that you represent the works of fine authors like [insert name of author] and [insert name of author], whose soon to be released book promises to expose tough questions about Christianity and her
search for authentic answers.

Included with this email, as requested, are the first ten pages of my memoir.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,
[insert my name]

(please note that this query is targeted to a specific agent and follows her
guidelines for what to include, thus the mention of target audience for
book)

Query - Save Us - Revision 2

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Hey guys, I made a few more changes based on some comments from the Evil Editor. Some of the people felt I needed to flesh out the plot a little, and make the names more authentic. I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks-

Dear Agent:

Alexios has had a busy few months: falling in love, dying, and leading a rebellion—in that order.

Alexios is a young, orphaned fisherman living in ancient Phoenicia during the time of Christ. He and his love Korinna drown in a storm, and without a way to atone for their sins, they appear in Hell. Separated from Korinna and enslaved in Hell's mines, Alexios sinks into despair, until one day his pain leads him to fight back against his cruel demon captors. Seeing a demon defeated by a human for the first time, the rest of the slaves rally around Alexios as the conflict snowballs into an unintended rebellion.

He soon meets Duriel, an angel sent on a covert mission to aid him, who informs Alexios that this struggle is meant by God to distract the devil from the ramifications of Christ's death—salvation for all mankind. If he realized this, the devil might try to stop the Crucifixion rather than encourage it. Faced with this new mandate, the desire to find Korinna, and the threat of a growing demon army, Alexios undertakes a task that transforms him as much as it changes the fate of the slaves in Hell. When Jesus' path takes him to the cross, the war in Hell culminates in a clash between the great powers in the universe—with Alexios trapped in the middle.

SAVE US is 75,000 words, and is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Sample pages- AM I WORTH IT? - young adult

Chapter 1 – "Best Seller in the Making"

I had a song for every mood, for every moment of my life. I could use and artists's or songwriters words and piece them into my day like a puzzle or a map. What's my soug right now? Rescue Me!

"Have you made any connections yet," he asked me, leaning over his desk and pushing his over-priced black rimmed glasses up on his nose- they had to be fake. I took a deep breath letting it out slowly, searching for an ounce of patience. I really wasn't in the mood for his shit today. I reached forward and opened the glass jar on his desk and pulled out a handful of candy, popping one of the little pellets of pure sugar in my mouth.

"Connections?" I asked playing dumb, scanning the rows of bookshelves. I'd spent so many hours here, I had them practically memorized. Right between 'Healing Post Traumatic Stress' and 'Signs Your Child Is Socially Challenged', he sighed heavily, his subtle way of telling me I was being a pain in the ass, yet again. But it's not like he wasn't getting a big fat check every hour we spent together. His eyes zipped to the page of notes in front of him and when he looked up at me again – it was 'return of the concerned and helpful therapist'.

"Your uncle says you've joined the jazz band, and made the team for the school trivia bowl?" He asked narrowing his eyes at me. I threw a couple more pieces of candy in my mouth and chewed slowly. I loved leaving him in that uncomfortable silence, watching him squirm in his chair. It was so fucking funny- about the only entertainment I got these days.

"Yep, I'm aiming for extreme popularity. Can you tell?" I said tossing one of the candies in the air and catching it in my mouth. His face relaxed into an expression I knew all too well – he was trying to get intimate again. Discuss the dark side of Dan, pour out our hearts and souls until we're weeping uncontrollably in each other's arms. It was so touching I thought I might vomit on his spotless white carpet.

"Dan," oh here it comes, the tight ass therapist is going to tell me he loves me and I'm not alone. If I'm lucky he'll hold my hand. They're all so predictable. I could've saved him a hell of a lot of money on that stupid piece of paper hanging on the wall. I almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost, if he wasn't so freakin' annoying. I groaned and rolled my eyes.

"Dan," he said again, "you've been at your new school for two months now. Haven't you made any friends?" No, thank God!

"A few," I lied. He narrowed his eyes at me. He was smart enough to at least know I was full of shit. But then why even ask?

"What about girls?" He asked ignoring my lie.

"You're kidding right?" I said exasperated he would even bring that up, "Is this some kind of test?" He ignored my sarcasm.

"You're a smart, good looking guy. There must be someone you've thought about asking out?" I shook my head in disbelief.

"It's a curse I wish I didn't have," I muttered then immediately regretted letting the words slip out. He now looked honestly concerned.

"When you say things like that, I think you want to talk, but you never do. What did you mean by that – why do you think being smart or good looks are a curse? I don't know any seventeen-year-old boy who would wish that."

"You just don't get it," I said, no one did, "I can guarantee both intelligence and being physically attractive to the opposite sex can be a curse." This was what I did best- give him little snippets of information or just a half second glance in to my mind and then I slam the door in his face. He was frustrated now. So was I. But who gives a damn if I'm frustrated as long as I behave? It's not like I didn't deserve some kind of punishment.

"Look, Dr. Stevens," I said hoping to calm him down a little. I hated to admit this, but the time I spent with him was the only time I did anything out of impulse or acted like I used to – though it was for good reason, it still felt nice having a glimpse of some of that normal teenage rebellion. Like seeing an old friend after a summer apart, "I know what you're trying to do, it's the same plan that all three shrinks tried on me in California. I'm not ready for any of that – I don't think I'll ever be ready, so lay-off. I do everything I'm supposed to. I'm the model teen. Any parent would love to have me." Any parent but my own. He raised his eyebrows probably guessing what I was thinking – damn shrinks! Just when you think they're complete idiots they go and read your mind.

"Have you talked to your parents lately?" He asked

"They sent a check, a credit card and a note asking me if I was working on my college applications," I said mechanically.

"Well, that's good they're communicating with you," he said, though he frowned like he was disappointed – maybe he thought they should do more? Interesting. I assumed he was all about the money. He probably has a 'ladder of healing' I need to climb for his achievements – maybe a book deal? If I'm not healed and perfect in a few months he won't have shit to write about. Whatever. This was so pointless.

"Can we finish a little early? I've got my first practice for the trivia bowl in twenty minutes," I said leaning back and putting my hands over my eyes. He looked a little sad, which surprised me, but I didn't have the energy to analyze his behavior, besides I didn't care.

"Fine," he said pulling his glasses off and rubbing his eyes, "I'll see you Thursday afternoon." I nodded and grabbed my bag and keys and pulled the book I was reading in the waiting room out from underneath my chair.

"What's that you're reading?" He asked me before I could leave. I flashed the cover in front of him. "War and Peace," he said raising his eyebrows. I smiled not being able to help myself.

"Do you honestly think I could go from popular jock to geek without having something of substance between my ears?" I asked laughing a little at the irony. I used to hide books from my friends, not wanting them to see me reading classics like Tolstoy.

"So I've heard," he said shaking his head and writing it all down in that notebook of ingredients for a bestseller to cure crazy kids- and make millions in the process. I didn't want to smash his life's work or anything, but he had a long way to go before he was Dr. Phil. I walked out into the cold November air. I hated cold and Chicago had more cold days than anything else.

Honestly the weather here was so fucking unpredictable. In San Jose, where I spent most of my life, until a few months ago, you get between sixty and eighty degrees most days. Today it was twenty-two, yesterday it was sixty-five.

I sat in my car pulling out my hundredth draft of the letter I may never finish and made yet another attempt.

Dear Hannah,

I know I'm probably the last person you ever want to open a piece of mail from. I'll understand completely if you tear this to shreds the moment you receive it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you – think of that night. I wake up seeing your face, horrified and it hurts so much, I think I'll never breathe again. I'll never forgive myself for what I did, but it doesn't compare to your suffering. I'm so sorry –

"Stupid idiot!" I said banging my head against the steering wheel a few times. I tore up the letter, throwing the pieces on to the floor. Who was I kidding, I hardly knew this girl and besides it would never be enough. But I had to try, didn't I?

I put the car in gear and headed back to school for trivia bowl practice, AKA – social suicide. If it was my choice I'd go to class and nothing more, but when I thought of my Uncle Steve worrying about me being alone and, well. . . miserable, I had to show some sign of life. He had done so much for me- sometimes I wished he was ashamed of me like parents. It would make my descision much easier.

Right now, my life balanced somewhere between purgatory and Hell. It's exactly where I needed to be, I didn't deserve anything better.

Query- AM I WORTH IT? - young adult- attempt #2

Click here to read the original query.

**Thanks for all your great feedback on the first attempt! I knew I would need those first impressions to see if it needed to be toned down a little. word count is 330, is that too much???


Seventeen-year-old Dan has never been punished for what he did to Hannah last spring while drunk and high at a party. He barely knew Hannah and now her life is ruined and no one will listen to Dan, not the judge or the four shrinks he's seen since that night.They all say the same thing, "It's not your fault." It's up to him to create his own miserable existence – to make sure he's punished, but he's too much of a coward to do what he should.

Instead, he leaves behind his comfortable California life, his high-profile parents, and every ounce of joy, to move to the north suburbs of Chicago, before his senior year. Dan has a brilliant mind and a gift for music. He also has a carefully crafted plan to remain in his unhappy existence – number one on his list: commit social suicide by going from cute, popular jock to most valuable member of the Trivia bowl Team. Only now, for the first time he isn't hiding his good side- he's finding it.

His plan is failing. He's surrounded with people who care for him, maybe even love him. And he can't help thinking about Claire – beautiful, kind, funny and looking at him in a way he doesn't deserve. When she leans in to kiss him, he sees Hannah's face. His mind swims with the memory of that night and he can't breathe.

Dan's slowly walking a plank and buying time in purgatory until the decision is made - either forgive himself or drown. He's knows what he deserves, but everything is off-balance now. He may have someone amazing like Claire trying to pull him from his miserable life sentence, but he can't stop asking, "Am I worth it?"

AM I WORTH IT is a 60,000 word young adult novel telling the story of a boy's ability to emerge from a sea of guilt and come out a better man.

Query - Llona Reese: By the Light of the Moon, young adult

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my 94,000 word young adult, urban fantasy, LLONA REESE: BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON, about a young girl who just wants to live a long life without the constant fear of being murdered for her unique gift.

LLONA REESE is not your typical seventeen-year-old high school girl. She is an Aura, a female who contains the ancient and powerful Light. Where other teen age girls have to deal with changing hormones and growing boobs, Llona has to figure out how to control Light’s power… and fast.

Strange and frightening things begin happening and she suspects a Vicen has discovered her true identity, despite her extreme efforts to protect herself. Vicens are strong, evil beings who kill Auras for the Light in their blood, which in turn gives them great power. With the help of her first real friend, MAY, who she met under unusual circumstances, and CHRISTIAN, the mysterious boy who knows more than he’s telling, Llona decides not to run. She does, after all, deserve one normal year of school, doesn’t she? By choosing to stay and fight, she risks the lives of everyone she loves and ultimately changes her life forever.

LLONA REESE: BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON is the first in a series of three, but could stand on its own. It will appeal to R.L. Stine fans and any teenager who has felt out of place. Upon your request, I am prepared to send the complete manuscript. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
(personal info)

Successful Query

I have an agent. Holy smokes, did I say that? I think I did. It must be real.

We're working to get RUDY TOOT-TOOT in shape for submission to a publisher. If you search for Rudy Toot-Toot on this blog you can find the queries, but they aren't what was important, to be honest with you. The important parts were the characters and the writing. It didn't happen overnight. [NOTE: It happened over an hour in the afternoon. You can move fast when the manuscript is only 4,000 words.]

Some history, because this is what's important:

I've been reading agent and editor blogs for about 18 months (I'm a parent, so I speak in months up to 3 years. Do the math.) I've tried to participate by commenting frequently, to show a professional attitude and foster discussion about the craft of writing and the business of publishing. And also be an occasional smart-ass. But I was careful to stay on topic and not hijack a thread (I probably just got on twelve NSA lists for using the word "hijack." You just made three for reading it.)

I've queried and been rejected many times for other works. I've had an agent review a partial, but declined the full with helpful feedback. To be honest with you, it wasn't ready. As hard a pill as that was to swallow, all that work on my first novel had to be re-done. WIP. But the re-write is better. A lot better. Good enough? Time will tell.

I also had a picture book manuscript, but most agents don't represent picture books. I found a couple that do and queried but never got a reply. Eventually I came across news of a children's publishing veteran joining a literary agency, and I reached out to her through the email address on her blog, indicating that I was familiar with the books she works with (i.e. picture books and children's books). I also noted that I read her preferred submission methods (which did not include querying), and asked if she would was open to a query for my picture book. She said for picture books she prefers the whole manuscript, but recommended I wait until her official start date at a new agency about 3 weeks later.

I had the patience to wait until her second day at the agency, mostly to make sure her email account would be set up. It took a couple weeks before she responded with very good feedback, but ultimately saying it wasn't enough and encouraging more from the story. She ended with "please stay in touch."

So I got to writing. After another three weeks the 500-word picture book grew into a 4,000 word chapter book, and a quick sit-down at dinner grew to a full day of doing chores at the family Bean Market.

I re-queried by replying to her last email with the new query, and I attached a copy of the manuscript again. This is good protocol, it helps a busy agent remember who you are, and they don't have to dig for a prior email. But alas, I received an out of office reply that said she would still check messages when possible.

One month passed, and each day I wanted to email her and ask,"Did you get it? What'd you think?"

But I didn't. I waited a full month and then I decided to follow-up via email. I very politely mentioned that I re-queried with a new MS a month ago and got an out of office reply, so I just wanted to make sure it didn't fall through the cracks. I did this by forwarding the prior query (which had the entire originating thread) and I re-attached the manuscript.

It turns out the other email did fall through the cracks, and she read the re-submission right away. She got back to me within the hour (4,000 words = 16 pages) and said she would like to help get it in shape for a publisher, and the rest of that day was spent discussing the story and what it needs. This morning I woke up early to get writing before my day job, and my alarm's set for an early rise again tomorrow.

And the rest is history (in the making)...

NOTE: I have not given up on my other two works in progress, but they are on the back burner for a short while. Must keep writing. For now, this is a great step on my path to publication.

QUERY: THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN (1st revision)

Click here to read the original query.

When eighteen-year-old Toby Beckett chases his dog into Washington, D.C.’s Rock Creek Park, he discovers a Nikon with digital photos of a UFO crash and a giant woman. Skeptical and thrilled, he heads to a Union Station coffee bar to show the photos to Burke Kerrigan, a former AP photographer, who just laughs at them. Toby falls for Burke’s beautiful sister Kate when she joins their table. Suddenly they spot the giant in the crowd around the subway. Leaping up, they trail her across the city until she reveals herself to be inhuman and disappears inside Buchanan House, an upscale condominium next to Rock Creek Park. Burke argues that the giant is a carnival freak who faked the photos, but when they hike into the woods, they find the UFO behind a damaged camouflage force field. Disaster strikes when Burke steps in a light filled grid and can’t get out.

THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN is a romantic, 86,000 word science fiction/fantasy novel about people as well as aliens. Toby, an amiable slacker who has never put himself on the line before, finds himself with impossible choices. After he discovers the alien is dangerous, he somehow has to find the words to warn his sister and her husband, who are about to move into Buchanan House. He finds himself falling in love with Kate and tries to help her rescue her brother, but she calls him a coward because he doesn’t want to risk their lives. While the alien adapts to the city with frightening consequences, Toby discovers who left the Nikon in the woods and finally stumbles upon the UFO’s unique purpose.

As for myself, I was born in Washington, D.C. and lived in the Cleveland Park neighborhood where the novel takes place. Right now I am working on a sequel. [Personalized agent information and enclosures].

Thank you for considering my submission.

Sincerely,


Author

Short Story Writing Contest: "Rain Stories"

NOTE: This came through the submissions queue. I am not affiliated with the BookRix site. Technically I'm not affiliated with The Literary Lab either, but I comment there almost every day so I posted the Genre Wars contest link out of kinship. End of disclaimer.

- September 15th 2009 to October 15th 2009 -


Summer is about to end? Autumn is knocking at the door? Stormy weather and rain predicted? It is time to read a book or even write one. Take advantage of the unpleasant rainy weather and enter the latest BookRix Short Story Writing Contest for free: Tell us your rain story, turn your wordsmith powers into positive cashflow and fame. Write a story that has anything to do with rain, or Mr. Rain, or a dog named Rain, whatever.

Key Facts:

* Anyone registered at our BookRix.com website can join the contest (except citizens of Germany, Austria and Switzerland).
* Authors and readers can enter the competition for free and win cash money.
* Enter a book about rain that you have already written and published or write a new rain story.


Prizes for authors:

First Prize: $1000
Second Prize: $500
Third Prize: $300


Prizes for readers:

10 Amazon vouchers each worth $20 will be raffled for free among all readers taking part in the voting process.


* No entry fee is required

http://www.bookrix.com/precontest.html?lang=en&show=BX_1252680162

Good luck to all!

Query - AM I WORTH IT? - young adult

Seventeen-year-old Dan has never been punished for what he did to Hannah last spring while drunk and high at a party. He barely knew Hannah and now her life is ruined and no one will listen to Dan, not the judge or the four shrinks he's seen since that night. It's up to him to create his own miserable existence – to make sure he's punished, but he's too much of a coward to do what he should.

Instead, he leaves behind his comfortable California life, his high profile parents, and every ounce of joy, to move to the North Suburbs of Chicago, before his senior year. Dan has a brilliant mind and a gift for music. He also has a carefully crafted plan to remain in his unhappy existence – number one on his list: commit social suicide by going from cute, popular, Jock to most valuable member of the Trivia bowl Team. Only now, for the first time he isn't hiding his good side, he's finding it.

His plan is failing. He's surrounded with people who care for him, maybe even love him. And he can't help thinking about Claire – beautiful, kind, funny and looking at him in a way he doesn't deserve. When she leans in to kiss him, he sees Hannah's face, terrified and streaked with tears and hears her voice screaming for him to stop, and he can't breathe. His greatest fear is he'll hurt someone else, and he's not getting close enough to find out.

Dan's slowly walking a plank and buying time in purgatory until the decision is made - either forgive himself or drown. He's knows what he deserves, but everything is off-balance now. He may have someone amazing like Claire trying to pull him from his miserable life sentence, but he can't stop asking, "Am I worth it?"

AM I WORTH IT is a 60,000 word young adult novel telling the story of a boy's ability to emerge from a sea of guilt and come out a better man.

QUERY: THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN

When eighteen-year-old Toby Beckett chases his dog into Washington, D.C.’s Rock Creek Park, he discovers a Nikon with digital photos of a UFO crash and a giant woman. Both skeptical and thrilled, he heads to a Union Station coffee bar to show the photos to Burke Kerrigan, a former AP photographer, who just laughs at them. Toby falls for Burke’s beautiful sister Kate when she joins their table. Suddenly they spot the giant in the subway crowd. Leaping up, they trail her across the city until she reveals herself to be inhuman and disappears inside Buchanan House, an elegant condominium near the woods where Toby found the Nikon. Burke argues that the giant is a carnival freak who faked the photos to make money, but when they hike into Rock Creek Park, they find the UFO behind a damaged camouflage force field.

THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN is a romantic, 85,800 word science fiction/fantasy novel about three couples who cross paths with a mysterious UFO that crashes in Rock Creek Park. Toby, falling for his friend Kate, discovers the UFO with her, but when her brother Burke gets trapped inside the saucer, no one believes them. Toby’s sister Lisa Mitchell and her husband Ian, constantly bickering with each other, move into Buchanan House and find they have a strange neighbor. Monroe Broussard, a friend of Toby’s who is struggling to return to law school after a hurricane kills his family, keeps seeing a door in the sky, but doesn’t know how to explain his vision to his fiancée. While the alien adapts to the city with frightening consequences, one person stumbles upon the UFO’s unique purpose.

As for myself, I was born in Washington, D.C. and lived in the area where the novel takes place. Right now I’m writing a sequel. A copyeditor has checked THE ACCIDENTAL ALIEN (_________name and credentials of copyeditor). I’m enclosing a SASE, synopsis and the first (__________per agent's submission guidelines) pages, which are disposable copy.

(Personalized paragraph about why I am contacting this agent). Thank you for considering my submission.

Sincerely,


Author

Question about sample pages

Rick,

What's your take on language content for our sample pages posted on query slush pile. Should I **** them or something?

Thanks,
Julie

ANSWER: That's a good f%*$ing question.

I don't believe there are bad words, just inappropriate times and places to use them. Submit your content as-is, I think we have a mature readership here. If it gets to a point where a submission is too adult-oriented that I cannot keep the site open for everyone, I may respectfully decline to post a submission. If the submitter's contact info is in his/her profile, I will reach out to explain why.

I am tempted to say, "Don't worry, I doubt that I will ever be so offended as to without a post." However, I know that doing so would be inviting the more inventive of you to a seeming dual of ideals, and I'm pretty sure somebody else would win. Not because of my own personal tolerance, but because I am restricted by the environs of public decorum.

Query- Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine (revision 1)

Click here to read the original query.

Take two - I incorporated some of the changes and tweaked a couple of things. I originally included the part about relationships at the bottom for precisely the reason Rick stated - vampires are a tough sell in the post-Twilight era. I was trying to make it clear that there's more to the story than vampires. Let me know if you think the new sentence is any better or it confuses things. And thank you for your willingness to help!

Dear [Agent},

When Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year, but feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories: she moves across the Atlantic to find solace in the cottage she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.

Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.

She should have been scared.

Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there…

To further complicate matters, there are some in the vampire community who seem to know that Grace possesses The Soul Collector--the only mirror that allows vampires to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace to figure out how to safeguard it from those who might use it for their own corrupt purposes.

I hope you will be interested in representing my paranormal romance, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a relatable tale with the lightness and humor of chick lit, the passion of romance, and the dark glamour of vampires.

Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,


Kristy Hutchison

Query- Winter Roses Never Die (revision 2)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Thanks for adding this again, Rick.

This time I'm just going to paste in the main gist of the query without salutations, etc. Thanks, all :)

Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance with elements of mystical Christianity and is 92,000 words in length.

Introverted, shy and imaginative, Jennie is a late bloomer while Charos is a force of nature. She notices him for the first time while taking a shortcut through the abandoned Catholic cemetery. The powerfully built, darkly beautiful man beside the rose-covered grave is rather hard to miss. As he is often at the rosy gravesite, she plucks up courage to introduce herself. Charos shows little interest which disappoints but doesn't surprise Jennie. However one 'man' always has time for her. During her treks through the cemetery to and from work, Jennie stops to speak to the life-like statue of the Christ, garbed in a maroon cloak, and sometimes receives wonderful 'inspirationals' when she does.

Despite his initial coolness, Charos seems to warm towards her when she shows interest in the blood red roses that are flourising in mid-winter. He explains that the winter roses never die only sleep through summer returning every winter when 'she' is needed the most. Although they begin to spend more time together, he remains an edgy, unpredictable mystery. However, she feels he understands her and sees her real worth more than anyone else. He is the only one to call her by her real name, Genevieve, as he thinks this is who she really is. The name means 'woman of the people' and turns out to be a fitting choice as Jennie discovers Charos is not human, and like the rest of his kind who haunt the cemetery, he refers to human beings as The People.

Come late spring the winter roses and Charos fade away leaving Jennie in despair but impregnated with life like the budding flowers and trees that have overgrown the cemetery. She is determined to find out the truth about Charos and to bring him back into her life and her unborn child's. Only the 'Man' Jennie needs the most can arm her with wisdom and faith to win the love of the man who needs her the most. And only the magical winter roses will enable her to understand how the truest, most selfless love - found in the realms of spirit and legend - can restore not only Charos' soul but the spiritual life of humanity.

Query- Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine

Dear [Agent],

When twenty-something Grace marries her high school sweetheart she looks forward to their long and happy life together. Instead, a brutal assault leaves her not only violated, but widowed as well. After grieving for a year and still feeling unable to move forward with her life, Grace decides to make a fresh start in a place that holds no bad memories; she packs up her life and moves across the Atlantic to find solace in a cottage that she inherited from her Scottish grandfather.

Once settled into her new home she meets a man who annoys and intrigues her in equal measure--but he doesn’t scare her as most men now do, and that piques her curiosity.

She should have been scared.

Hagan is a vampire who still has human desires. He loves Grace and would give anything to be with her forever. Regrettably, his bite would only turn her into a zombie because his venom is weaker than the Morţii who created him; but that doesn’t mean the temptation’s not there.

To further complicate matters, there are those in the vampire community who think Grace possesses a mirror called, The Soul Collector. It’s the only mirror that allows a vampire to see their own reflection. Unfortunately it also traps the soul of any vampire who looks within it, conferring their strength upon whoever controls the mirror. It’s up to Grace, and Hagan--if he can be trusted--to figure out how to safeguard it from those who would use it for their own corrupt purposes.

According to agentquery.com you represent women’s fiction. I hope that you will be interested in representing my debut, “Born on a Day When the Sun Didn’t Shine,” complete at ~85,000 words. It is a story involving vampires, but at its heart it’s about love, loss, and all the complexities of the relationships we all experience.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Sincerely,

Kristy Hutchison

QUERY - The Broadwater Challenges

Dear Agent,

Congratulations on your recent success with _________________ by __________. Perhaps you would be interested in our project.

Imagine Watership Down with dragons instead of rabbits. That’s The Broadwater Challenges, our approximately 69,000-word middle-grade fantasy novel.

Harold may be the son of a dragon king, but he sure doesn’t feel like one. He doesn’t want any part of the Three Challenges, the dangerous competition that the six dragon kings have set up for their heirs. He didn’t mean to pick that fight with T’Roc, the menacing son of his own father’s chief rival. He didn’t expect to fall for Rosewing, the beautiful daughter of another king. He doesn’t know what he did to make Canus, the leader of the outlaw Clanless Ones, angry enough to want to kill him. And then there’s that kraken on the loose, hunting dragons and threatening his family. Of course, Harold could ignore it all and nap on the beach. But sometimes being the son of the king means doing what you have to do, not what you want to do.

We have several published short stories to our credit, including one of Harold’s earlier adventures in [name redated], a fantasy/sci-fi magazine for children. Both of us are members of the New Jersey Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. In fact, The Broadwater Challenges won an NJSCBWI Award for Best Young Adult Fantasy. While it was written as a standalone novel, we also have outlines for two sequels.

Please be advised that this is a simultaneous submission. We can provide sample chapters or the full manuscript upon request.

Thank you for your consideration.


Us

P.S. - I know that an actual query would not have a P.S., but I do have a specific question about our query. Harold is a slightly overweight vegetarian dragon. This fact, of course, causes some serious problems for him throughout the novel. We do not mention that anywhere in the query. Should we?

THE SECOND CHANCE (3rd revision)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

Okay - I took some of each of the other queries, all the great suggestions I have been given, and put a little more of myself into this one. . . hope it is starting to work! And thanks again to everyone who has been commenting on my query - you are all a GREAT help!

Dear Agent:

Jerry awakes in a hospital bed thinking of a woman he hasn’t seen in seven years. With his company closed and a broken past he is now determined to fix, Jerry travels to Pennsylvania to reclaim the only woman he has ever loved. Except there’s a problem: she’s dead - and when she left seven years ago, she was pregnant.

With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. The moment is bittersweet as Jerry is presented with a box of notes from Debbie that was never sent and the news that the disease that took Debbie’s life was passed on to Jake. The box of notes provides Jerry with some comfort and closure towards Debbie. The mitochondrial disease that caused heart failure for Debbie was causing Jake’s heart to be smaller in size than normal.

As Jerry becomes a father to Jake, he finds himself falling in love with Amy. Struggling to let go of the past and appreciate the future, Jerry is tested once again on the day he is going to propose to Amy. After finding Jake face down in living room a victim to the disease that now takes two people he has loved, Jerry must find the strength within himself to be strong again for Amy and for his second chance.

THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses the personal journey. It is set through the eyes of a man as he learns to become a better person through some of life’s hardest lessons. It is also a reminder that it is never too late to go back and change things.

My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Jim Wisneski

QUERY: FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD...

Dear Agent,


Scotland, 2010. When Aggie MacLayne discovers that her best friend Sandra´s new husband and his mates are playing a grossly violent and misogynistic illegal online game, she agonizes over what to do. All she knows is that she wants to cause her friend the least possible pain. To sort out her jumbled thoughts Aggie writes them down and on the spur of the moment sends them to a magazine agony aunt. The magazine turns out to be legally obliged to inform the authorities. Aggie is questioned and pressurized into divulging names. The police raid the newlyweds´council house, finding not only evidence of the notorious game but also a stash of illegal guns. Sandra won´t be holding her man for a long, long time.

Just as it looks as though Aggie might be getting somewhere in trying to pick her trebly shocked friend up from the floor, the guns´owners become convinced that Sandra grassed up her hubbie. She barely escapes a vicious attack. Aggie, terrified that her role in events might emerge, comes clean to Sandra. Together the friends decide that they must flee their never more claustrophobic Glasgow estate and go on the run.

A gritty literary novel about two young women´s rise above poverty, violence and rampant chauvinism in a country where it seems not only the weather is getting colder, FREEDOM´S JUST ANOTHER WORD… is complete at 90,000 words.

Please find enclosed a synopsis and three sample chapters as per your submissions guidelines (or similar, and personalized tidbit plus biog bit).

Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,

Author

FOURTH REVISION - THE CHOSEN ONES AND THE DRAGON WAR

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version.
Click here to read the third version.

Dear Ms. Agent:

When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone.

Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.

Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny. When he finally discovers his destiny, he is elated and fully embraces his powers.

Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey and finally tells her the truth. Unlike Jack, Katie doesn't want to be different and she doesn't want to fight the fey. Her intelligence works against her as she doesn't want to believe these illogical tales are true. She reluctantly agrees to train with the Mages, but secretly plans an escape back to Earth. Then she discovers dragons are alive and thriving there, but need her help to save their hatchlings.

Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.

The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone)

Third Revision - The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the second version

(so, I listened to the comments (after I cried) and I have taken the wonderful advice given to me to heart and I think I'm getting closer to explaining my epic (read too-long) book. I'm chopping the novel also, so I don't know how many words it will be in the end. Thank you all for your wonderful coments and for helping make me a better queriest! - Natalie)

Dear Mr/Ms. Agent:

When Earth gets caught in the middle of a battle for the universe between the Mages and the dark fey, two teens are forced to work together and use their elemental powers to save everyone. But first, can they save a clan of dragons in the midst of war?

Jack and Katie were chosen before birth to be the saviors of the universe. The Mages imbued elemental powers into their embryos, designing them to work together as a team. Katie would be able to control the weather and water while Jack would have power over earth and fire. The plan was to raise the chosen ones together and train them to work as a team from birth. But that was before the dark fey found a way to Earth.

Fearing for their lives, Jack’s parents take him into hiding. When a car crash kills them two years later, Jack is left orphaned without any idea of his destiny.

Katie is taken home with her parents where they raise her as a normal "human" child. She attends school with her peers. She helps around the farm. She even plays with her brothers. Until the fey find her and attempt to kill her and her family. Katie's mage protector teleports her to a distant planet to hide her from the fey, where she discovers dragons are alive and thriving, but need her help to save their hatchlings.

Now the Mages have to find Jack before the dark fey do and reunite the chosen ones in time to train them to save the universe from annihilation. Unfortunately, Katie and Jack have other plans in mind.

The Chosen Ones and the Dragon War is an 80,000-word work of fantasy intended for young adults. This is our first novel. Please find enclosed the first five pages, pursuant to your submission guidelines.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Natalie and Rick
(email)
(phone number)

Short Story Writing Contest

The Literary Lab just announced a short story writing contest!

The deadline for submissions is December 1, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. PST, so you have plenty of time to polish up your best 1,000-2,000 word short story (or write a new one).

Details are posted here.

The Lab will be awarding prizes, and all genres of fiction are invited to submit.

I know am going to submit, and I think it would be awesome to see some of the Slushpile regulars among the winning entries, I know there are a lot of talented writers following this blog. Here's a chance to show off your chops!

QUERY: NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE Revision 3

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy Thompson believes she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert Crane won’t take no for an answer. After weeks of persistence, and a commitment to sobriety, he wins Amy’s heart.

It doesn’t take long for the couple to feel the pressure from Robert’s family and church to marry, and though Robert is eager for a family of his own, Amy still has nightmares about the trauma of her own childhood and the "accidental" death of her mother. One solid year’s sobriety is Amy’s price, but no matter how much Robert prays, or how many sacrifices Amy and his best friend Calvin Mertz make for him, his own insecurities drive Robert repeatedly back to the bottle.

As Robert’s alcoholism and brutality escalates, Amy becomes convinced that she has two choices: abandon Robert and try to rebuild the hard-won independence she’d gained before she met him, or make the ultimate commitment and hope that marriage and family is truly the cure for his alcoholism. Before Amy can make a decision, a new option opens in the form of a long, passionate kiss from Cal.

Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction about testing the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.


Sincerely,

Donna Hole

La Dame D'Or - 1st Revision

Click here to read the original query.

I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words.

Knowledge is power. Sometimes enough will get you killed. Eleanor Lyons isn’t aware she harbors any knowledge of the deadly sort until the handsome and elusive Connor Stevens tracks her down. His dogged interest in the subject of her discarded doctoral thesis, which includes the resting place of an ancient chest of medallions, immediately raises her hackles.

A history professor who jealously guards her personal life, Eleanor Lyons is terrifically unprepared to deal with Connor’s world, a place full of hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunting. She tries convincing Connor Stevens her thesis is nothing more than an interesting myth. That might have worked, too, if Connor Stevens turned out to be her biggest problem.

A man as bloodthirsty as he is relentless, Jonathan Dubois believes the medallions belong to him by birth. Connor has witnessed Jonthan’s willingness to kill in order to obtain them and has vowed to beat him to the punch. The two men, nurturing a decade long hatred for one another, will stop at nothing to be the first to claim the medallions. Eleanor’s knowledge has landed her not only in the middle of the men’s struggle against each other, but between them and their ultimate prize. It is a deadly place to be.

As she reveals a tale that travels through time, beginning in ancient Rome and ending on a nineteeth century shipwreck, Eleanor won't give up until she finds a way to save herself and her friends. Also reminded of the passion she once felt for the medallions themselves, she forms an electric, though uneasy, alliance with Connor in order to beat Jonathan to the treasure. If they can be the first to find La Dame D’or and her sunken treasure, she might be able to reclaim her quiet life. That is, if she still wants it.

I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query: Ready or Not

Dear Agent:

Yeah, Katherine missed birth control pills in the past, but she never got a freakin' plus sign on her pregnancy test! Now she has to decide how to deal with Nate, her boyfriend of four years who she doesn't really even like. And she is clueless about what to do with these unexpected feelings for Brandon, the ladies man of the payroll office where she works.

Katherine and Nate have had a tumultuous relationship, but because every other man (including her father) ditched her after a few months of her company, she finds it impossible and impractical to leave him—even though Brandon persistently tries to convince her otherwise.

After the baby is born, postpartum depression sets in. Katherine worries about harming her baby, develops an obsession with Vicodin, and struggles with a nagging feeling that Nate is cheating on her. Nate, unable to cope with Katherine's unpredictable emotions, takes off five weeks after the baby is born.

Katherine is convinced that Nate left because of the weight she gained during pregnancy and can only find comfort in skipping meals—not that she's anorexic or anything! Oh, she also develops a nasty habit of sleeping with strange men—anything to not be alone. She can only turn her life around with the help of the man who never loved her enough and the man who never got a chance to love her.

Ready or Not, complete at 96,000 words, is a work of women's fiction. Please contact me if you're interested in seeing my novel. Thank you for your consideration.

QUERY: RABBIT AND COUGAR

Dear Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Bolt had nothing to do with the king’s death, but who would take his word for it? He has no connections, no family. His very arrival in the kingdom of Byrony was so strange that he had to register as a possibly-dangerous Mystical Waif - making it easy for an enemy to accuse him of the royal murder. Now Bolt has fled into the forest south of Byrony, running for his life.

Rabbit has lived in his secluded village for three hundred and twenty-one years - making him, as a forest elf, about sixteen. He’s never even seen a human before the bold and capable, if curiously defensive, young adventurer who calls himself Cougar. Intrigued, Rabbit decides that he wants to see the world - and what better way than to tag along on Cougar’s travels?

With Byrony’s Royal Soldiers on his trail, “Cougar” can’t afford to waste time. When even the truth of his dangerous journey doesn’t discourage the adventure-hungry Rabbit, Cougar must accept a companion on his trek across the continent to the safe kingdom of Farewon. With the help of a fast-talking fop and an abandoned fox kit, both of whom are more than they seem, Rabbit and Cougar dodge werewolves, goblins, and the Royal Soldiers, becoming friends along the way. But when they reach Farewon, it holds not the safety Cougar expected, but some clues to his own mysterious roots - and more adventure than Rabbit could have asked for.

The YA fantasy novel RABBIT AND COUGAR, about 72,000 words, alternates chapters between the viewpoints of streetwise Cougar and smart-but-naive Rabbit. Its humor and whimsy will appeal to fans of Diana Wynne Jones and Patricia C. Wrede.

I have published short works of humorous fantasy in Spindle and Renard’s Menagerie, and am a member of the James River Writers.

Enclosed is (whatever material you want). I look forward to your response.

Thank you for your time,

Anica Lewis

Successful Query!

This is a follow up to the post earlier today about the writer who got "the call."

From Natalie Bahm:

Someone asked if I could post the query that worked so here it is. I actually had two fairly different queries that received requests but this was the one I sent to the agent that offered representation.

Dear Agent:

When eleven-year-old Ally discovers the neighborhood boys are digging a tunnel to an abandoned steel mill she is faced with a dilemma. Should she join them and help dig to the mysterious and seriously off-limits steel mill while spending time with the sixth grade heartthrob Paul, or should she tell her parents, end the boys’ fun, but save them from the accident that’s bound to happen?

Ally decides to join the boys in hopes her involvement can push them to make the tunnel safer. She initiates the building of supports and then helps dig for months (with many adventures on the way) before she and the boys finally break through to the steel mill.

But when two notorious bank robbers known as the Gauze Men find the tunnel and discover where it leads, they decide to use it to get to the perfect hideout- miles of industrial buildings surrounded by a fifteen foot fence, that no one has been inside for twenty years… no one but all the neighborhood boys and Ally. When Ally and Paul get trapped inside the mill with the Gauze Men, they must escape and get help.

Underground is my first novel. It is written for a middle grade audience and is complete at about 33,000 words.

I’d be happy to send you sample pages or the complete manuscript if you are interested. Thank you for your time.


Sincerely,

Natalie Bahm

It's not the best query ever but I think it did a fairly decent job of describing the story in a way that might make agents interested to read it.

With this query I received 3 requests for full manuscripts out of about 15 query submissions. I actually felt the second query I wrote was much stronger than this one, but it had a smaller request request rate (about 1 in 10, instead of 1 in 5).

Some of the best advice I read about query writing came from this blog: http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-to-put-it-together-into-one-neat.html

Hopefully something in here will be useful. Don't feel like you need to post the whole muddle. (Or any of it for that matter :) Thanks again.

NOTE: I posted the whole muddle ;-)

THE SECOND CHANCE (2nd revision)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

Okay - first, thank you to everyone who has been helping me work with this query. I feel like it is getting better each time I post it.

Dear Agent:

In an attempt to redeem his past, Jerry learns two things: the woman he loves is dead and when she left him seven years ago, she was pregnant.

With the help of a teacher named Amy, Jerry meets his son, Jake. They look alike but Jake inherited something from his mother – the disease that took her life.
Jerry falls in love with Amy and learns to become a father and just as everything appears to be normal, it all changes on the same day that Jerry is going to propose to Amy and Amy is going to announce her pregnancy.
Jake’s disease takes over and with his life in the balance and Jerry’s emotions tested again he must find strength within himself to hold on to his second chance.

THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses a personal journey that most of us take at lease once in our lives.

My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Pike Press, Bright Light Café, and the Cynic Online Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Jim Wisneski

A Writer Gets "The Call"

This just came in through the submissions post, I thought I would share it. Click here to read the query that was posted for Underground (although it isn't the final version that yielded The Call), and I extend the thanks to everyone who offers their feedback on any query on this site:

I posted my query months ago, just after you set up the blog. I never reposted but I did revise the query and first five pages (about a hundred times :) based on some of the suggestions you and others gave me. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping up this blog. I am sure it is a lot of work for you, but it is a great service for writers.

I got "The Call" last week and I'm sure it never would have happened without the help of other writers who gave their time to help my manuscript and query be the best it could be. Hopefully I can repay some of the kindness.

So thanks.

QUERY -- CALLARION AT NIGHT, Revision 1

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent:

Moriah Rowani returns from the elite school where she's been trained as a top-tier bounty hunter looking forward to spending time with the father who raised her alone. Instead, she finds him bleeding to death -- shot by the Chancellery guard found dead nearby. Her father's final words are, "find the diary."

Moriah is forced from her ancestral estate by the Lord Chancellor and his men, who are intent on one thing -- eradicating people with human and satyr or nymph parents. With the help of allies both in and out of the underground resistance, Moriah discovers that the diary, written by the mother who left her ten years ago, holds the secret to crippling the Lord Chancellor's hold on power and possibly pulling the city-state of Callarion from the hell it's become.

My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.

NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE, revision 2.

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.

When Amy Thompson consented to have a big party for her twenty-first birthday, she didn’t expect to meet the man who would pursue her romantically until she relented, expose the most closely guarded secrets of her childhood, and inadvertently introduce her to the same choices her own mother must have faced. And when Robert Crane wins the heart of this reclusive beauty, he never dreams he’s set them on a path of self discovery that will end in redemption for one, tragedy for the other.

A survivor of years of abuse by her alcoholic father and two previous boyfriends, Amy thinks she has learned her lesson about the cost of a relationship with a drinking man. But Robert is not a typical, abusive alcoholic. Their friends think him impulsively charming, his parents and church believe marriage and family is the cure for his rebelliousness, and his best friend Calvin Mertz refuses to allow Robert to suffer the consequences of his alcoholic binges.

For a while, Amy is sure she can save Robert and, by extension, herself from the haunting memories of her childhood. She involves herself in Robert’s faith; she makes friends of his disapproving parents; and even excuses his occasional brutality as a product of his insecurities. The one thing she refuses to do is to marry Robert and produce the family he craves, the family everyone is sure will make a difference in his commitment to sobriety.

As the relationship progresses, and Robert’s alcoholism escalates, Amy becomes convinced that her own mother would not have married the brut her father eventually became if he didn‘t have some redeeming qualities. Though Robert still suffers the guilt of his actions, Amy is convinced that if she doesn’t leave him, before marriage and children bond them forever, she could also end up with her mothers fate: to die a supposedly accidental death at the hands of her drunken husband.

Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word women’s fiction that tests the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.

Sincerely,

Donna Hole

QUERY - JACK MBC

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for my young adult novel, JACK MBC, complete at 90,000 words.

Jack’s life is changed when he falls off the roof of a Las Vegas Hotel and doesn’t die. He discovers he has a form of Mind Body Control, or MBC for short. At signs of danger, he can order his body to turn into marble, steel or whatever is required.

His friends tell him he’d make a great superhero, but Jack isn’t sure he wants to be one. At sixteen, he’s not sure what he wants to be, period. He doesn’t appreciate the appearance of a weird ‘extra-ability’ (he refuses to call it a superpower) pushing him into a particular path.

But how can he say no to rescuing people from certain deaths? Even though using MBC gives him head splitting migraines. And when MBC is on, his emotions turn off, and may permanently stay off.

Then Jack makes a serious mistake and a man dies. MBC turns into a monster, attacking him with vicious side effects that may destroy him. Will Jack figure out what to do with MBC and how to control it, or will he lose himself forever?

I have enclosed the first xx pages for your consideration. Thank you.

Query- La Dame D'Or

I am seeking representation for my work of commercial fiction La Dame D’Or. It is complete at 90,000 words. I have completed one other novel, which is currently undergoing revisions. Although I categorize La Dame D’Or as commercial fiction, a large percentage of the story takes place, through flashbacks, in the distant past.
When her long dead and quite ridiculous doctoral thesis suddenly mires Eleanor Lyons in an unfamiliar world filled with hired killers, personal vendettas, and treasure hunters, she first and foremost resents the intrusion on her quiet life. Connor Stevens, a handsome but elusive man harboring a keen interest in her research, suddenly appears in her life around the same time. Desperate to gain her trust, Connor attempts to bully her by tossing an unknown entity into the mix: he is not the only one who believes she holds the key to the resting place of an ancient treasure.
A man who has destroyed Connor’s life for his own pleasure, the bloodthirsty and relentless Jonathan Dubois will stop at nothing to possess the Trinity Medallions, which he believes belong to him through familial descent. Proving Connor’s claim and forcing Eleanor’s hand, he kidnaps Gabrielle, her best friend. Keeping silent is no longer an option as Jonathan holds her friend hostage in exchange for the information in Eleanor's head. Trading herself and her knowledge for her friend’s freedom, Eleanor is forced to do something she hates even more than giving in to pushy and violent men. Trusting pushy and violent men. Unable to claw her way out of Jonathan's clutches on her own, Eleanor reveals the location of the medallions to Connor and his cohorts though she isn’t at all sure her life is more important to him than finding the medallions. At the mercy of a trained, psychotic killer, she has to trust that Connor won’t forget about her now that she has given him what he wants.
I love history and believe that the legends, myths, and characters it provides us are timeless and, if spun effectively, remain both appealing and exciting for all generations of readers. This story races along the path traveled by this elusive ancient treasure while employing detailed flashbacks to let us intimately know the historical figures that helped ensure its survival. I believe this novel succeeds in celebrating the interconnectivity of human life through the centuries, as well as illustrating the legacy that each generation leaves for the next.
I have a bachelor’s degree in Radio-TV-Film from Texas Christian University where I polished a talent for vivid and succinct writing. I am currently working towards a Master’s degree in Ancient History at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, which has instilled in me a passion for the past that is instrumental in bringing this plot to life. I believe this story will appeal to the many readers of books like those written by Iris Johanssen as well as to the masses drawn to the historical framework of the National Treasure films Thank you for your consideration of this proposal.

REVISED QUERY - THE CHOSEN ONES

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Mr. Agent:

A studious teen’s life has become the stuff of nightmares: not only was she created by aliens to save the universe, but her housecat is actually a werecat in disguise, and she has magical abilities that she has to learn to use on her own which get her mixed up in a dragon civil war, and through all this, dark fairies are hunting her.

We'd like to submit our young adult fantasy, The Chosen Ones, for your review. The completed manuscript is approximately 100,000 words.

Katie is an outcast, her sophomore peers are just too creeped out by her purple hair and glowing violet eyes. Instead of having friends, Katie has books as companions. When the dark fey find her on Earth, her housecat hides her on another planet and explains the truth. There she begins training to use her magical abilities and befriends a pride of dragons that are in dire need of help before their hatchlings die. Soon she realizes she can't help them alone and inadvertently brings Jack to her aid.

Jack was orphaned as a baby and ran away from the latest foster home. Normal people avoid him because of his glowing amber eyes and ability to know what they are thinking. His alley cat companion is telepathic and has been Jack’s only friend on the streets.

Immediately Jack and Katie butt heads. Katie was hoping for the boy in her dreams, and instead Jack is arrogant and awkward. He acts like life is a game. Now they must put aside their differences to save their new dragon friends and thwart the dark fey's attempts at destroying the dragons' planet. Will the logical Katie be able to see through Jack's defenses and learn to trust him in time?

While The Chosen Ones is a stand alone novel, it is also the first in a planned trilogy. We have started writing the second book, The Prophesy, and have a detailed outline available for review. The Alliance, the third book, also has a rough outline in place. This is our first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Natalie and Rick Nuttall
(email address)
(phone number)

The Second Chance (1st Revision)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent:

During the trip to redeem his past, Jerry learns two things: Debbie, the woman he loves, is dead and when she left him seven years ago, she was pregnant.

With the help of a kind school teacher named Amy Denner, Jerry meets his son, Jake. The moment is bittersweet as it’s revealed that the disease that took Debbie’s life has passed on to Jake. Jerry falls in love with Amy and learns to become a father to Jake, and just as everything appears to beginning to be normal, it all changes. On the same the day that Jerry was going to propose to Amy and Amy was going to announce her pregnancy, Jake’s disease takes over.

With Jake’s life in the balance and Jerry’s emotions tested again, he must find strength within himself to hold on to his second chance.

THE SECOND CHANCE is a 67,000 word novel that encompasses a personal journey that most of us take at least once in our lives. There is something in this story that will affect everyone in a different way. It may be the person who graduates college only to return home to find everything has changed. It may also be the person who has just sent their last child off to college and has to ask themselves, what’s next?

My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Piker Press and The Cynic Online Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration, I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Jim Wisneski

QUERY - TOO FAR GONE

Dear Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Milo hates seeing his mom in pain. It feels like a fist wrenching his guts. But he’s the one thrust into caring for her. His older brother and sister are too busy with their own adult lives, and his dad might as well be grieving already.

Then Lia transfers to his high school. Suddenly, he wonders if she’s the reason he’s yet to date any girls in his classes. Though his parents were high school sweethearts, for the first time Milo thinks, this girl might be someone he could love forever.

Before Milo can get up the nerve, his childhood friend, Damien, slinks in and asks Lia out. Though Milo suspects Damien has no plans to toss aside his player reputation for Lia, he flounders. Does he warn her at the risk of pushing her away and betraying his old friend? Or keep his mouth shut, as usual?

When Lia comes to him, shaking, one night shortly after his mom’s funeral, it’s clear he made the wrong choice. The attempted rape leaves him feeling hatred and guilt as he confronts the friend who was once like a brother to him, but it’s the self-loathing that leaves him spinning out of control.

TOO FAR GONE is a YA novel, complete at 65,000 words. I received my MFA in Creative Writing – Poetry from San Diego State University and have published a few poems. However, this is my first novel.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

QUERY - THE SECOND CHANCE

Dear Agent:

I am seeking representation for my 67,000 word fiction novel, THE SECOND CHANCE.

Jerry Dunningham’s life was easy. He woke up, put on a suit and tie, and traded securities all day long for the company he owned. He made money, lived comfortably, but secretly inside, he was miserable. Each day that passed was one day longer away from his love, Debbie. The days now added up to seven years since Jerry pushed her and his entire family away and dedicated his life to his company. Now his company is closed, a victim to the economy and Jerry has nothing but the past. The past that he hopes will fix his future as he packs his bags and travels back to Pennsylvania to find Debbie.

Pennsylvania quickly brings Jerry much heartache as he learns Debbie has passed away. After meeting and confiding in a kind school teacher named Amy Denner, she reveals a secret that Debbie left behind, a secret that she’d kept from him for seven years, a secret that will challenge Jerry in ways he never thought possible.

The past and present become entwined as Jerry must find strength within his changing feelings towards Amy, life, and himself in order to hold on to his second chance.

My short stories have appeared in such publications as The Piker Press and The Cynic Online Magazine. This is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration, I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

QUERY -- CALLARION AT NIGHT

Dear Agent:

Moriah Rowani has spent more than a decade angry at her mother for leaving in the middle of the night, a note to her father the only record of the disappearance. On her runaway mother's orders, her father sent her to the Senro -- a tracking school lauded for placing students in every court around the word -- and a prestigiuous riding school in the desert nation of Budur. Moriah returns, skilled and full of rage, ready to forget the woman who birthed her ... until the day her father is killed. His final words are "find the diary."

She follows her father's orders and begins searching, using all her skills taken from the Senro in the hunt. Moriah must duck the death squads of the Chancellery Guards and Brotherhood of Purity, who are intent on capturing her because she is a half-nymph; an affront to all they hold dear. With the help of allies both in and out of the underground resistance, she discovers that the diary holds secrets able to bring down the Lord Chancellor himself -- the architect of the hell the city-state of Callarion has become.

My steampunk fantasy novel, CALLARION AT NIGHT, is complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.

DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY – second version

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent:

I am seeking representation for DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY, a 93,000-word work of adult literary fiction. I am writing to you because [. . . researched/personalized.]

Like This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff and Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen, my book explores the thin margin of error for a child growing up too fast in a dangerous home. Wishing for a normal childhood exploring the quiet streets of his small Midwestern town, Alan is caught between trying to keep up with his outgoing best friend and keeping an awful family secret – the vicious beatings his dad inflicts on his mom at night. We follow Alan over two treacherous years of adolescence as he asserts his independence from the deepening chaos around him, unaware of how he is nudging his parents out of their pattern of violence and reconciliation and into volatile new territory. Eventually, his defiance will force them to confront how far Alan will go to escape his mom’s shelter, how far she will go to protect Alan from himself, and how far his dad will go to keep control of them both.

My journalism on the subject of children witnessing violence has won magazine and advocacy awards and has been anthologized in college writing texts. I can be reached at [ . . .] Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,


Robert McGuire
www.robertmcguire.net

Agent Interview- Nathan Bransford

Attention Slushpile Readers:

Nathan Bransford, an agent with Curtis Brown, Ltd., was able to spare a few minutes to respond to an interview request. Thanks Nathan!

In addition to his role as an agent, Nathan maintains a blog that is regularly updated with invaluable information on writing, querying, and the publishing industry. Oh, and the occasional TV show. You may have heard of it. You may even be one of the 1,983 people who follow it.

So without further ado...

When reading for pleasure, what is your favorite genre? If you don’t have a favorite, so to speak, then in which genre have you read the most books (for pleasure)?

I truly read all across the board, whether that’s literary fiction, YA, middle grade, women’s fiction, science fiction, fantasy… you name it. I don’t think I read more books in one category or another. Just about the only books I don’t read for pleasure are romance and horror.

Is the above genre also the one in which you have sold the most books?

Similarly to my genres of interest, my sales have been all over the map.

When considering a manuscript, how does your existing network of editors affect your decision to offer representation?

I don’t take something on specifically to mesh with the people I know best in the industry, but by the time I’m finished with a manuscript I want to take on I already have a mental list of the editors who I think might like it.

You accept 4-5 sample pages with a query. Do you ever skip the sample pages if the query is enough to indicate that the work is not for you?

Yes, definitely. I have to stop reading when I’ve made a decision, and that decision can come in the first line or it can come after reading the query and all five sample pages. Even if the query is sub-par I’ll usually skip down and scan the sample pages to see if they jump out at me, but I just don’t have time to pore over all five pages of every query I receive.

How often do sample pages sway your opinion to request a partial when the query is sub-par?

I’ve never had an instance when a query was truly subpar but the pages were amazing. Writers with a great manuscript are nearly always able to put together at least an average query. There have been times when a query was so-so and I was wavering on whether to request pages, and was swayed by the sample material and ended up requesting a partial. But even those instances are rare. For the most part there’s a correlation: a writer with a great manuscript usually writes a great query.

How often does a superb query have sample pages that inspire a rejection?

Very often. Now that I request five pages with the query I actually request far fewer partials than I did before I instituted the policy. Some writers are able to write really superb queries, whether because they’re just good at it or they had help, even if their actual manuscript isn’t actually that strong. Requesting five pages has helped me weed these projects out. This has been great for me from a time perspective as I’m better able to focus my time, and I also am much less likely to miss out on the authors who don’t have a super query but do have a great manuscript.

When shopping a manuscript, how is the query from an agent to an editor different from the writer's query to the agent?

Not that different, really. In fact, some agents will even incorporate the author’s own description of the project into the pitch letter. But the essentials are the same: it’s a short description that will hopefully inspire the editor to want to read it quickly.

WHIZ-BANG FANTASTIC

Dear Xxxx,

Dashiell Colourful is an extraordinary gentleman. He's charming, refined, street-smart, handsome, and a sharp dresser. He's intelligent, affable, strong and agile. To put it succinctly, he is Whiz-Bang Fantastic. As such, he is the protagonist of Whiz-Bang Fantastic, an 83,000-word fantasy novel of perfect worlds, thrilling adventures, and discoveries that could change virtually everything.

Dashiell leads a charmed life in the vibrant town of The City, a gilded place where everything is grand and amazing. He works as a haberdasher, selling the most chic wares the High Street has to offer, he has a loving wife and a talking fox for a pet, his best friend is a flamboyant stage actor, and he is admired and respected by all.

And he finds it endlessly boring!

He tries to lash out against his walk in life however he can, from soaring through the air on his aluminum "Gull" glider, to exploring the vast, untamed forest in his backyard. He's still in a rut, however, and he thinks nothing will ever change… until he meets Raleigh.

Raleigh is a young woman that Dashiell found wandering in the forest, lost and injured. She's not grand and amazing, and we probably wouldn't notice her on the street. To Dashiell, however, and to his world, she's like nothing they've ever seen before!

Raleigh's arrival in The City causes an astounding stir, and sends Dashiell and everyone close to him on a journey of perspective, realization, and self-discovery. Some, though, believe Raleigh to be a corruptive influence due to her being the complete opposite to the way of things, and no one can be sure what else may change…

Whiz-Bang Fantastic is my first completed novel, but I've been writing short stories and other novels for the better part of eight years. My writing has won me the Seamus Flynn Memorial Award, a local scholarship for artistic achievement. If you would like to read a sample of my manuscript, I would be happy to provide it. Thank you in advance for your consideration.


Sincerely,

John Marshall

Query: Winter Roses Never Die

Click here to read the original query.

This is my second go at it...thank mightily for your help and suggestions.


Dear Ms Xxxxxx,

As a fan of your blog, I'm querying your interest in a 90,000 word paranormal romance ms for adults which crosses borders into inspirational and mystic Christianity.

When Jennie - a shy, fey woman of thirty-four - relates to her library co-workers of meeting a gorgeous man (Charos) in an abandoned wintry cemetery beside a rose-covered grave, her credibility is stretched to the limit. But when she describes hearing disembodied singing and music that seem to follow her down the cemetery path, her long-suffering associates begin to doubt her integrity and sanity. However she hasn't even told them the whole story of what she experienced. She is convinced a fairy lady, with sloe-shaped green eyes, was reclining upon a twig-like branch of a wattle tree. The lady's eyes held such power that Jennie couldn't move or speak. Only when able to recite the most powerful prayer she knows does the vision disappear.

For Jennie, the blood red roses aren't the only stand-out feature of the overgrown, gothic cemetery. She uses the grounds as a short cut to work and stops to speak to the life-like statue of the Christ garbed in a maroon cloak. She sometimes receives uplifting 'inspirationals' when she does.

Not far away from the statue, the wheel-chair bound man who finally reveals his name to be Charos is often seated beside the rosy grave. There appears some surreal connection between him and the roses. He explains to Jennie that the roses are magical and will never die. They only sleep in summer and return every winter when 'she' is needed the most. With the arrival of summer, this enigmatic, charming and understanding man disappears along with the winter roses. Jennie is determined to know the truth about Charos and bring him back into her life. Armed with eternal truths gleaned from inspirational communication with the Divine, she begins her quest discovering in the process that true, selfless love is more about understanding and sacrifice than romance which, like the winter roses, will never die.

Winter Roses Never Die was recently awared a Highly Commended certificate and third place in an open writing competition hosted by Affordable Manuscript Assessments. More details of the story, including the first chapter and a book trailer, are available on my blog at http://www.blackfaerydesigns.blogspot.com

Thank you for your time, etc....

Query for WIND FURY: Revision #3

Just the meat and bones this time; let's hope I'm closer. Thanks again to all who take the time to re-re-re-re-read and comment, you are all my heroes and heroines!

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read revision 1.
Click here to read revision 2.


When the North Wind's mortal lover, Armin, is murdered by an unknown enemy, North discovers in the aftermath that there was more to Armin than she ever knew--- and a possibility that he's not quite dead.

Forbidden by the Council of the Gods to find Armin or the person responsible for sending him to the Underworld, North makes the choice to ignore eons of loyal duty and go after her heart, even though it could mean the loss of her powers and immortality. But before she can try to bring him back, she will have to wade through the mystery of his past, and the fate of the gods that lies in his hands, for Armin is the Determiner of his generation: the mortal bound to decide if the gods will stay on Earth, or go back to the Oblivion from which they came. If she fails at any of the trials before her, she just may lose him forever.

Query - Treandle (revision 1)

Click here to read the original query.

Cyrilla’s life on the farm has been sheltered because of the magic she’s kept hidden for eighteen harvest seasons. But there’s something about Muerek that she is willing to risk everything for.

The problem is, he’s a cavalry soldier in the Royal Army, and his lineage goes all the way back to a commander in the Nettoyage war, when those with magic were contained behind the walls of Treandle.

When her magic is exposed for saving his life, both their worlds are ripped apart. Cyrilla must endure the pain of loosing her family and Muerek, while struggling to perform the daunting tasks of High Speaker, a role of high power to those with magic.

Muerek has nowhere to go. Azthorn, his home city, only holds ridicule and shame for falling in love with a Verbannen (those locked away for having magic). Then, a vivid dream beckons him to investigate the means by which gifted children are taken to containment camps, and he discovers a deception that will forever change his beliefs about the Verbannen and Gekozen (mages assigned to keeping the Verbannen contained).

My 96,000 word YA fantasy, Treandle, brings the Verbannen from Treandle and the Goeden (those without magic) from Tearnoc back together after two hundred seasons of fear and persecution. But there is a price to pay, war against the Gekozen. The rest of the Goeden in the kingdom know nothing about what is happening to the gifted children, thereby siding with those they have been taught to believe.

Cyrilla is a shy and insecure girl (both her parents are alive) who must learn to deal with the pain of lost love, accept overwhelming responsibilities, and grow into something she never thought possible.

Muerek’s always been confident and had everything he ever wanted in life, except love. Now he must learn to trust his own instincts and decide for himself what is right and wrong.

The stage will be set for a war fought to free those with magic which will come in future novel(s).

REVISED Query - Beneath the Heart of Beauty

Click here to read the original query.

Charlie Waters has secrets that even he doesn't know. He was shot in the head while on a business trip a few years earlier. The wound had robbed Charlie of his memories of that time. Nobody has a clue, including Charlie, what had happened during that fateful trip.

Charlie's present life is an unhappy one. He thinks he loves his wife, Barbara, but he has never been able to forgive her for her affair. Brief flashbacks of that mysterious business trip begin to return, including memories of a beautiful, young woman that overflow with sex, passion, and a happiness that seemed like a dream. When additional flashbacks of greed, suicide, and murder also return, Charlie struggles to understand how that dream became a nightmare.

Charlie realizes that while he was terribly upset over Barbara's affair, he apparently had his own. Barbara and he begin a complicated dance in an attempt to reconnect with each other. Charlie's disjointed memories haunt him, jarring him both emotionally and physically. He wants the relationship he used to have with Barbara, if that's possible. He also can't deny the longing for this woman he recalls only in flashbacks. He has no idea who shot him or why. Until he finds these answers to his past, Charlie is unable to move forward with any future he might have with Barbara.

BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY is a literary novel with 72,000 words.

BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY is my first novel, although I've had several short stories published in the past on different fiction web sites (all now defunct). I have written most of the book reviews on www.reviewsofbooks.com for the last seven years.

Thank you for your time and consideration. A completed manuscript is available.

Query - Beneath the Heart of Beauty

Charlie Waters loves his wife, Barbara. Or at least he used to. When her affair was revealed two years earlier, everything in Charlie's world began to unravel. Soon after that discovery, Charlie went on a trip to Los Angeles and disappeared. It wasn't until he emerged from a coma six weeks later that anyone had any idea where he was, or even who he was. A gunshot wound to the head had robbed Charlie of any memories of what had happened to him. He has staggered through life ever since.

Charlie begins to have intense erotic dreams and brief memories about a beautiful woman he doesn't recognize. He assumes this young woman must be from his forgotten past. The memories of this woman overflow with sex, passion, and a happiness that seemed like a dream. When additional flashbacks of greed, suicide, and murder begin to return, Charlie struggles to understand how the dream became a nightmare.

Charlie and Barbara begin a complicated dance in an attempt to reconnect with each other. Charlie's disjointed memories haunt him, jarring him both emotionally and physically. He wants the relationship he used to have with Barbara, if that's possible. He also can't deny the longing for this woman he recalls only in flashbacks. He has no idea who shot him or why. Until he finds these answers to his past, Charlie is unable to move forward with any future he might have with Barbara.

BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY is a literary novel with 72,000 words.

BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY is my first novel, although I've had several short stories published in the past on different fiction web sites (all now defunct). I have written most of the book reviews on www.reviewsofbooks.com for the last seven years.

Thank you for your time and consideration. A completed manuscript is available.

QUERY FOR: NOT HER MOTHER'S FATE, revision one

Click here to read the original query.

Amy Thompson is not looking for romance when she meets Robert Crane at her birthday party. Impulsive, charming, and outgoing, he is the exact opposite of Amy, who loathes crowds and attention. At first Amy resists his advances because his constant drunkenness reminds her of the abusive home she grew up in, but after much encouragement from her friends, and Roberts resolution to give up alcohol, she gives in to her loneliness and longing for a family of her own.

Once they move in together, Amy discovers Robert’s commitment to sobriety is as fickle as his religious faith. As his alcoholism escalates into violence, Amy is haunted by nightmares of abuses she suffered at her alcoholic father’s hands, and several times she plans her escape. Unlike her own father, however, Robert is sincere in his remorse and guilt, and has the loyalty and support of his family and church.

Further complicating her dilemma is Amy’s growing attraction to Robert’s best friend, who unwittingly rescues her from the worst of Robert’s failings on several occasions. Abandoning Robert and avoiding the cycle of abuse and alcoholism that was the eventual cause of her mother’s death would be easy, if she did not also this betrayal would end any chance of happiness with Cal as well.

Not Her Mother’s Fate is a 90,000 word family drama that tests the limits of friendship, love, and loyalty.


Thank you for reviewing my project. Per your submission guidelines, please find below the first five pages of Not Her Mother’s Fate.

Sincerely,

Donna Hole

Query for WIND FURY: Revision #2

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read revision 1.

Alright, I'm going to preface this one with my dilemma. On the last attempt, several people noted confusion at "the North Wind" being a person, whom I later refer to as North. They suggested I refer to her as a goddess, but she isn't, in my world. She is an Aspect of Nature, born of Gaea (Mother Nature) as part of herself to rule over the North Wind. She can blow into the world as the Wind, but she also has a human form. Without getting into too much detail, that's where my problem is.

I don't want to break the rhythm of the query by having to explain all that because it's kind of a mouthful. So, any help on that issue with the info above would be GREATLY appreciated, and please let me know if I've solved the other questions, as well. Thank you SO MUCH everyone, I know it's a doozy to have to do the same ones over and over but I really appreciate your help :) -L.T.

Here's my latest version:

An unknown enemy is trying to kill the North Wind’s mortal lover, Armin, and one day, they succeed.

A change comes over North with the loss of Armin. He was the shining star in the long dark of her existence. For the eons before him, she had been responsible, dutiful--- and lonely. Now she must choose between her duty and her happiness to try to reclaim him from the Underworld and find the person responsible for his death; even if it means disobeying the ruling of the Council of Gods. But before she can try to bring him back, she will have to unlock the mystery of his past, and the fate of the gods that lies in his hands, for Armin is the Determiner of his generation--- the one who decides if the gods stay on Earth, or go back to the Oblivion from which they came. If she fails at any of the trials before her, she just may lose him forever.

WIND FURY is a 90,000 word fantasy novel exploring a world on the edge of two destinies, and the mortals and immortals who will determine its course, explore their true abilities, and uphold their honor.

The completed manuscript is available at your request. This novel will stand alone, but I already have several ideas for sequels and related story canon in this world.

I thank you for your time and consideration.

Query "Stand-In" Revision 1

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

Kelly Jo Carter is the object of a killer’s twisted obsession. She is also a woman with a severe, yet well placed, mistrust of law enforcement. When she finds herself smack dab in the center of an investigation into the murders of several local women, she needs to decide if she can trust Detective John Broden and Special Agent Alex Darby. This time around, though, Kelly has an advantage because she has something that the lawmen want; the name of the serial killer they are hunting. Broden and Darby both realize that Kelly is no doubt the killer’s endgame so they want more than a name. They want to use Kelly as bait. Kelly is aware that she will never be safe until this particular man is off the streets, and in theory, Broden and Darby could help accomplish that. But, the last time she had sought the help of authorities where this prominent citizen was concerned, things had not gone well. Now, she fears that if she gives these new investigators the killer’s name, the entire matter will be covered up… again.

“Stand-In” is a completed 84,000-word commercial fiction thriller that will appeal to readers of John Sandford’s Prey Series as well as readers of Sandra Brown’s thrillers. “Stand-In” will be the first of at least three novels in this series; although, it is written in a way that it can stand-alone. I currently have no published works to cite, but I feel that “Stand-In” will change that.

I would be happy to send the entire manuscript or any portion of it for your review. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Author