Click here to read the original query.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
Lisa is caught between two worlds.
Outside her front door she’s just an average teenager doing her best to get through high school. Inside her house, it’s more old world Asia than modern America.
Lisa is exactly what any first generation Asian American family would expect from their only child. She’s good in school, respectful to her elders and most of all, obedient. Her priorities were handed to her when she was born and ever since her mother’s death, everything she’s done has been for her family. When everyone’s happy, she’s happy. Or so she thought.
No one understood her life, except her best friend Samantha. Despite their cultural differences, Sam was always there to listen. After Sam is involved in a devastating accident, it became Lisa’s turn to listen.
She heard more than she expected.
As Sam’s recovery progresses, Lisa finds her friend is not the only one she’s supporting. Sam’s brother Tony, home for a semester off from college, is in need of someone to talk to. That someone turns out to be Lisa. What begins as a friendship verges on more and when Tony shows Lisa a glimpse of what life could be, she begins to question everything she’s ever known. For the first time, she feels like she’s living her life for herself.
When Tony goes back to school and an unexpected family move arises, Lisa’s forced to let go of the little bit of a life she’s found. She reverts back to being the daughter her father always expected. When Tony surprises her with a visit and reminds her of what life should be Lisa wonders, can she be happy and still live up to all her family’s expectations?
Just Maybe is a young adult novel and stands complete at approximately 89,000 words. I’d be happy to provide a partial or complete manuscript for further review. Thank you for your consideration.
Mar 20, 2009
QUERY: AMELIA'S MONSTERS (Revised)
Click Here to read the original query.
Dear X,
Since she was twelve, Amelia’s nights have been plagued with visits from monsters. Each night they would terrorize her through the darkness of her closet, calling her Amelie and telling her that they’ve been waiting for her. No matter how many times she turned them away, they would return, angrier and more violent than before. And they followed her no matter where she went.
Now fourteen, Amelia is getting a fresh start in a brand new home in a gated community. Sadly, not even the gates can protect Amelia from her deepest fears. When her cousin Lily comes to visit, the monsters return and steal Lily in the middle of the night. With Lily’s life in danger, Amelia must face her fears and enter the monsters’ world to rescue her cousin. But with each step into their world, Amelia discovers a tangled past that connects her to their world and the one they call Amelie.
AMELIA’S MONSTERS is a 90,000 word young adult fantasy.
Dear X,
Since she was twelve, Amelia’s nights have been plagued with visits from monsters. Each night they would terrorize her through the darkness of her closet, calling her Amelie and telling her that they’ve been waiting for her. No matter how many times she turned them away, they would return, angrier and more violent than before. And they followed her no matter where she went.
Now fourteen, Amelia is getting a fresh start in a brand new home in a gated community. Sadly, not even the gates can protect Amelia from her deepest fears. When her cousin Lily comes to visit, the monsters return and steal Lily in the middle of the night. With Lily’s life in danger, Amelia must face her fears and enter the monsters’ world to rescue her cousin. But with each step into their world, Amelia discovers a tangled past that connects her to their world and the one they call Amelie.
AMELIA’S MONSTERS is a 90,000 word young adult fantasy.
Mar 19, 2009
You...the guy who started this site, where is your query?
Well, I'm glad you asked, actually. I am not above shameless self-promotion.
I have two queries posted, FATE'S GUARDIAN and THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT.
FATE'S GUARDIAN was the first query posted on this site. It's a supernatural thriller about a man whose soul is in danger, and the only way he can save it is to die. The query that is posted got a request for partial, but it was rejected. I did get some very useful feedback, after some polite and professional groveling, and now I'm revising the manuscript (again). The sample pages posted here are the revision, not what I queried with at that time.
THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT is a manuscript for a picture book. I don't do illustrations, but it's a cute story about manners (or lack thereof) inspired by my two sons.
#
I have two queries posted, FATE'S GUARDIAN and THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT.
FATE'S GUARDIAN was the first query posted on this site. It's a supernatural thriller about a man whose soul is in danger, and the only way he can save it is to die. The query that is posted got a request for partial, but it was rejected. I did get some very useful feedback, after some polite and professional groveling, and now I'm revising the manuscript (again). The sample pages posted here are the revision, not what I queried with at that time.
THE AMAZING TALE OF RUDY TOOT-TOOT is a manuscript for a picture book. I don't do illustrations, but it's a cute story about manners (or lack thereof) inspired by my two sons.
#
Will you delete a comment from my query post?
I reserve the right to delete any comments from any posts for any reason.
OK, the power trip is over. That was kind of fun. But that being said, the only comments I foresee myself deleting are those that are demeaning and without any respectful tone or constructive criticism. This is a forum for professional writers. You can (and should) act in a professional manner, even if you are not yet published.
If criticism is pointed, but still done in a manner that promotes improvement, I will probably let if fly. If something is downright mean or defacing, it's gone.
#
OK, the power trip is over. That was kind of fun. But that being said, the only comments I foresee myself deleting are those that are demeaning and without any respectful tone or constructive criticism. This is a forum for professional writers. You can (and should) act in a professional manner, even if you are not yet published.
If criticism is pointed, but still done in a manner that promotes improvement, I will probably let if fly. If something is downright mean or defacing, it's gone.
#
Query - shadowland
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
(Personalized comments to the agent…) shadowland, is an urban fantasy, YA with paranormal tendencies.
Tian, the new guy in school, is fascinated by the way Jordan’s eyes change color with her emotions—something only he can see. And Jordan barely notices her mind translating his words when Tian speaks the ancient language of his birth. As their relationship deepens Jordan learns that Tian is a knight from Annwn, the otherworld of Celtic mythology, who has come to stop the increasingly frequent attacks on mortals by the dark ones, evil creatures from his realm.
When Jordan impulsively says “I love you” to Tian the moment is magic, literally; she doesn’t realize she’s left the familiar forest near her home and crossed into another realm. When Tian says he loves her, too, falling leaves spiral around the young couple’s joined hands as the watching trees unite them in a handfasting ceremony. Tian and Jordan don’t immediately grasp the significance—they find out they are all but married only when Tian’s mother sees gold light circling their wrists and asks when they did it. They already planned to marry, so as far as Jordan and Tian are concerned this simplifies everything.
Tian’s father, the Lord of Annwn, doesn’t approve of his son marrying a mortal but reluctantly realizes it isn’t his decision to make. As Jordan’s life becomes more intertwined with Tian and his world, they become the focus of attacks from the dark ones, particularly one powerful creature that stalks them in both realms. It is part animal, part human, able to change not just form but gender—and she has murder on her mind.
(Personalized comments to the agent…) shadowland, is an urban fantasy, YA with paranormal tendencies.
Tian, the new guy in school, is fascinated by the way Jordan’s eyes change color with her emotions—something only he can see. And Jordan barely notices her mind translating his words when Tian speaks the ancient language of his birth. As their relationship deepens Jordan learns that Tian is a knight from Annwn, the otherworld of Celtic mythology, who has come to stop the increasingly frequent attacks on mortals by the dark ones, evil creatures from his realm.
When Jordan impulsively says “I love you” to Tian the moment is magic, literally; she doesn’t realize she’s left the familiar forest near her home and crossed into another realm. When Tian says he loves her, too, falling leaves spiral around the young couple’s joined hands as the watching trees unite them in a handfasting ceremony. Tian and Jordan don’t immediately grasp the significance—they find out they are all but married only when Tian’s mother sees gold light circling their wrists and asks when they did it. They already planned to marry, so as far as Jordan and Tian are concerned this simplifies everything.
Tian’s father, the Lord of Annwn, doesn’t approve of his son marrying a mortal but reluctantly realizes it isn’t his decision to make. As Jordan’s life becomes more intertwined with Tian and his world, they become the focus of attacks from the dark ones, particularly one powerful creature that stalks them in both realms. It is part animal, part human, able to change not just form but gender—and she has murder on her mind.
YA Fantasy: The Mansion
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
There's a statue in the gardens that used to be a girl.
When six teenagers learn that their parents participated in a dangerous experiment before they were born, the news is life-changing. But the experiment isn't over, and now these 16-year olds must live in a creepy mansion for a year, to undergo observation. They aren't sure who is observing them or why, but when Ward and Quita start sharing visions, and the voices in Sami's head keep leading her to strange diary pages, they know that something huge is going on. Between rescuing a girl that's somehow been turned to stone, and trying to figure out why they all seem to have special abilities, these six teenagers try to deal with life and high school when everyone around them is keeping secrets.
The Mansion vol. I: The Experiment is a 55,000 word YA Fantasy. It is the first in a 3-5 book series. The original rough draft was published one chapter at a time as a Sims 2 story. It was voted Featured Under Rated Story and also became Featured Story (for multiple chapters, as determined by reader ratings at thesims2.com). A series of Sims 2 machinima were created as a result of winning The Make My Movie Contest run by GospelSims.com. All of the videos are available on youtube, if you're interested in seeing them, though the current manuscript has changed a lot. I do want to point you to one of the promo videos that she did. It's about a minute long without the end credits and does a really wonderful job of capturing the feel of the book. It is here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39suMxt9KM&feature=channel_page in case the link doesn't work).
Full manuscript, synopsis, and outlines of further novels in the series are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
There's a statue in the gardens that used to be a girl.
When six teenagers learn that their parents participated in a dangerous experiment before they were born, the news is life-changing. But the experiment isn't over, and now these 16-year olds must live in a creepy mansion for a year, to undergo observation. They aren't sure who is observing them or why, but when Ward and Quita start sharing visions, and the voices in Sami's head keep leading her to strange diary pages, they know that something huge is going on. Between rescuing a girl that's somehow been turned to stone, and trying to figure out why they all seem to have special abilities, these six teenagers try to deal with life and high school when everyone around them is keeping secrets.
The Mansion vol. I: The Experiment is a 55,000 word YA Fantasy. It is the first in a 3-5 book series. The original rough draft was published one chapter at a time as a Sims 2 story. It was voted Featured Under Rated Story and also became Featured Story (for multiple chapters, as determined by reader ratings at thesims2.com). A series of Sims 2 machinima were created as a result of winning The Make My Movie Contest run by GospelSims.com. All of the videos are available on youtube, if you're interested in seeing them, though the current manuscript has changed a lot. I do want to point you to one of the promo videos that she did. It's about a minute long without the end credits and does a really wonderful job of capturing the feel of the book. It is here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39suMxt9KM&feature=channel_page in case the link doesn't work).
Full manuscript, synopsis, and outlines of further novels in the series are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Do you limit the number of queries you post?
I've had several people ask me if I plan to limit posts to once per day, or put some other volume control policy in place. The concern is that many of you want to read and comment on every query, and fear that you won't be able to keep up.
For now, I don't plan to limit the posting. When I get a submission, I post it as soon as I see it and can get it up there. I read most of them, but I admit there are a few that I just posted and didn't read because I had several at once and just wanted to get them up on the site. I want to comment on all of them, too, but I've only been able to comment on about half of them so far.
I do read all of the comments, and in blogger I can see all of the posts and number of comments per post. So far every post has comments. If any queries go a couple days with no comments, I will put up a special post with links to those queries to call special attention to them.
The reason I want to do it this way is to provide everyone with a chance to get their query online, and to minimize the queue. I've submitted to other query review sites where there is a single reviewer, and I have waited days for posting / feedback on some, weeks on some, and I am still waiting on others (read: I have given up hope on others). No fault to the people who tend to those sites...Until the earth's rotation slows and we get 30 hours days, we will have to deal with the constraints of the 24-hour clock as it relates to families, day jobs, other hobbies, etc.
Most of us play the waiting game a lot...waiting for responses to queries, responses to manuscript submissions, etc. My hope is that this site will not be another line to wait in.
One thing that makes this work is the basic format. I post the queries, but there are 50 followers to the site and a couple hundred unique visitors per day (thanks mainly to a mention by Nathan Bransford on his blog). No one person can shoulder the burden of commenting on every post, but as a group we can take care of each other.
If this system starts to fail, trust me, I am resourceful and I will find a way to fix it!
#
For now, I don't plan to limit the posting. When I get a submission, I post it as soon as I see it and can get it up there. I read most of them, but I admit there are a few that I just posted and didn't read because I had several at once and just wanted to get them up on the site. I want to comment on all of them, too, but I've only been able to comment on about half of them so far.
I do read all of the comments, and in blogger I can see all of the posts and number of comments per post. So far every post has comments. If any queries go a couple days with no comments, I will put up a special post with links to those queries to call special attention to them.
The reason I want to do it this way is to provide everyone with a chance to get their query online, and to minimize the queue. I've submitted to other query review sites where there is a single reviewer, and I have waited days for posting / feedback on some, weeks on some, and I am still waiting on others (read: I have given up hope on others). No fault to the people who tend to those sites...Until the earth's rotation slows and we get 30 hours days, we will have to deal with the constraints of the 24-hour clock as it relates to families, day jobs, other hobbies, etc.
Most of us play the waiting game a lot...waiting for responses to queries, responses to manuscript submissions, etc. My hope is that this site will not be another line to wait in.
One thing that makes this work is the basic format. I post the queries, but there are 50 followers to the site and a couple hundred unique visitors per day (thanks mainly to a mention by Nathan Bransford on his blog). No one person can shoulder the burden of commenting on every post, but as a group we can take care of each other.
If this system starts to fail, trust me, I am resourceful and I will find a way to fix it!
#
QUERY - JULIE’S JUXTAPOSITION (Revised)
Click to Read the Original Query
Dear Agent { },
Julie Mc Nally has a lot to learn about being a cop. She is the rookie detective with the Pittsburgh P.D. when she is sent as liaison to assist with the nearby Bradford P.D., where she is paired with Michael Nolan. When they are assigned to the embezzlement case against Bradford’s former mayor, they discover he was part of a highly classified government program. The ‘Crowe Project’ is such a guarded secret that those involved are willing to commit murder to avoid exposure.
My 70,000-word suspense/thriller, JULIE’S JUXTAPOSITION, is the story of overcoming obstacles, asking for forgiveness, and falling in love. It has a strong female protagonist, a ruthless and terrifying villain, and a progression of disturbing setbacks that culminate to an uncompromising ending.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Dear Agent { },
Julie Mc Nally has a lot to learn about being a cop. She is the rookie detective with the Pittsburgh P.D. when she is sent as liaison to assist with the nearby Bradford P.D., where she is paired with Michael Nolan. When they are assigned to the embezzlement case against Bradford’s former mayor, they discover he was part of a highly classified government program. The ‘Crowe Project’ is such a guarded secret that those involved are willing to commit murder to avoid exposure.
My 70,000-word suspense/thriller, JULIE’S JUXTAPOSITION, is the story of overcoming obstacles, asking for forgiveness, and falling in love. It has a strong female protagonist, a ruthless and terrifying villain, and a progression of disturbing setbacks that culminate to an uncompromising ending.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
QUERY: DEATH AND ME
Dear Agent,
Death follows Charlotte—literally. When Charlotte was twelve, an intoxicated Death accidentally took her parents instead of another couple in a car crash. Due to his negligence, Death has been sentenced to be Charlotte’s temporary guardian till she finds a permanent home. Responsibility, though, isn’t Death’s top priorities. Instead of finding her a new home, he uses Charlotte as way to scam and steal from others to fuel his gambling, smoking, and drinking habits. With each bad deed, the ever impressionably, enthusiastic, and indecisive Charlotte finds it harder and harder to find her place in an adoptive family.
But just when Death begins to grow attached to Charlotte and feel responsible for her, a family wishes to tear their friendship apart when they begin to turn Charlotte against Death. When the family frames Death for a crime and Charlotte believes it, Death knows that Charlotte’s soon-to-be family is not who they seem to be at all. In a race against time, Death must clear his name and win Charlotte back before she is lost forever.
DEATH AND ME is a quirky 55,000 word novella.
Sincerly,
"E.Reliant" (fake name.)
Guess the Genre.
Death follows Charlotte—literally. When Charlotte was twelve, an intoxicated Death accidentally took her parents instead of another couple in a car crash. Due to his negligence, Death has been sentenced to be Charlotte’s temporary guardian till she finds a permanent home. Responsibility, though, isn’t Death’s top priorities. Instead of finding her a new home, he uses Charlotte as way to scam and steal from others to fuel his gambling, smoking, and drinking habits. With each bad deed, the ever impressionably, enthusiastic, and indecisive Charlotte finds it harder and harder to find her place in an adoptive family.
But just when Death begins to grow attached to Charlotte and feel responsible for her, a family wishes to tear their friendship apart when they begin to turn Charlotte against Death. When the family frames Death for a crime and Charlotte believes it, Death knows that Charlotte’s soon-to-be family is not who they seem to be at all. In a race against time, Death must clear his name and win Charlotte back before she is lost forever.
DEATH AND ME is a quirky 55,000 word novella.
Sincerly,
"E.Reliant" (fake name.)
Guess the Genre.
Mar 18, 2009
Got Questions?
No, this isn't a query, just a note from your friendly neighborhood Slushpile Administrator.
Here are some things I will do in the near future to enhance the site. By "the near future" I mean "when I have time," and by that I mean "sometime between right now and never."
- When revisions are posted, I will include a link to the original query, and likewise I'll add a link to the revision on the original query.
- On the sidebar, I will add in links to Agent Blogs, and Editor Blogs, Query Tips (may include specific posts from Agent/Editor blogs as well as my own input and submissions from you fine folks), and last but not least, Writer's Resources
- I will expand the site FAQ's
Now, specifically in regard to the latter most item, I need your input. What questions do you have? Particularly about the site, but if you want to ask about life, the universe and everything, I'll respond (NOTE: the answer is 42).
Submit your questions, suggestions for links, and query tips in the comments to this post.
#
Here are some things I will do in the near future to enhance the site. By "the near future" I mean "when I have time," and by that I mean "sometime between right now and never."
- When revisions are posted, I will include a link to the original query, and likewise I'll add a link to the revision on the original query.
- On the sidebar, I will add in links to Agent Blogs, and Editor Blogs, Query Tips (may include specific posts from Agent/Editor blogs as well as my own input and submissions from you fine folks), and last but not least, Writer's Resources
- I will expand the site FAQ's
Now, specifically in regard to the latter most item, I need your input. What questions do you have? Particularly about the site, but if you want to ask about life, the universe and everything, I'll respond (NOTE: the answer is 42).
Submit your questions, suggestions for links, and query tips in the comments to this post.
#
Query: Just Maybe
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am caught between two worlds.
Outside my front door I’m just a high school student, doing my best not to flunk out of Physics. Inside my house, it’s more old world Asia than modern America.
My priorities were handed to me when I was born. Everything I’ve ever done has been for my family. When everyone’s happy, I’m happy. Or so I thought.
No one understood my life, except my best friend Sam. She always listened to me. Until her accident. Then it was my turn to listen.
I heard more than I expected.
In JUST MAYBE Lisa is exactly what any first generation Asian American family would expect from their only child. She’s good in school, respectful to her elders and most of all, obedient. Since her mother died, everything she’s done has been for her family.
After her best friend Samantha is involved in a devastating accident and turns to Lisa for support, she finds her friend is not the only one she’s supporting. As her closest friend’s recovery progresses, Lisa stumbles into something she never expected and begins to question everything she’s ever known. Can she take this chance to discover what life can really be or will she succumb to her family’s expectations?
JUST MAYBE is my first novel and stands complete at approximately 89,000 words. I’d be happy to provide a partial or complete manuscript for further review. Thank you for your consideration.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
I am caught between two worlds.
Outside my front door I’m just a high school student, doing my best not to flunk out of Physics. Inside my house, it’s more old world Asia than modern America.
My priorities were handed to me when I was born. Everything I’ve ever done has been for my family. When everyone’s happy, I’m happy. Or so I thought.
No one understood my life, except my best friend Sam. She always listened to me. Until her accident. Then it was my turn to listen.
I heard more than I expected.
In JUST MAYBE Lisa is exactly what any first generation Asian American family would expect from their only child. She’s good in school, respectful to her elders and most of all, obedient. Since her mother died, everything she’s done has been for her family.
After her best friend Samantha is involved in a devastating accident and turns to Lisa for support, she finds her friend is not the only one she’s supporting. As her closest friend’s recovery progresses, Lisa stumbles into something she never expected and begins to question everything she’s ever known. Can she take this chance to discover what life can really be or will she succumb to her family’s expectations?
JUST MAYBE is my first novel and stands complete at approximately 89,000 words. I’d be happy to provide a partial or complete manuscript for further review. Thank you for your consideration.
Query - Dreaming Dark
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Meredith is convinced she's a normal seventeen year-old, until dark, terrifying, and unbearably beautiful Eirich moves into her nothern Ontario town.
The problem with Eirich's arrival is that whenever they touch - which isn't nearly as often as Meredith would like - he fills her with a strange and tempting feeling of power. Meredith can't even figure out why she gets these feelings, let alone explain them to anyone. So when her best friend Ally falls hard for Eirich, Meredith decides it would be best to stay away from both of them, choosing to spend time at her sister Val's old hangout rather than admitting that something really, really strange is happening.
But something really strange is happening and the new hangout makes it stranger. The cottage that Meredith thought belonged to Val's friend actually belongs to Meredith, and it was left to her by her mother with the promise that it comes with magical protection. Meredith learns that she's so far from normal, she's supernatural: the last member of an ancient race with the power to control and create dreams. Worse, Eirich needs Meredith's powers to revive his own ancient race, the dark counterpart to Meredith's, and he's kidnapped Ally to get to her.
So Meredith is left with a choice: does she preserve the dreams of mankind and, more importantly, rescue her best friend, or does she succumb to the beautiful Eirich and fill herself with the power she's always longed for?
DREAMING DARK is a work of YA urban fantasy, complete at 57 000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Meredith is convinced she's a normal seventeen year-old, until dark, terrifying, and unbearably beautiful Eirich moves into her nothern Ontario town.
The problem with Eirich's arrival is that whenever they touch - which isn't nearly as often as Meredith would like - he fills her with a strange and tempting feeling of power. Meredith can't even figure out why she gets these feelings, let alone explain them to anyone. So when her best friend Ally falls hard for Eirich, Meredith decides it would be best to stay away from both of them, choosing to spend time at her sister Val's old hangout rather than admitting that something really, really strange is happening.
But something really strange is happening and the new hangout makes it stranger. The cottage that Meredith thought belonged to Val's friend actually belongs to Meredith, and it was left to her by her mother with the promise that it comes with magical protection. Meredith learns that she's so far from normal, she's supernatural: the last member of an ancient race with the power to control and create dreams. Worse, Eirich needs Meredith's powers to revive his own ancient race, the dark counterpart to Meredith's, and he's kidnapped Ally to get to her.
So Meredith is left with a choice: does she preserve the dreams of mankind and, more importantly, rescue her best friend, or does she succumb to the beautiful Eirich and fill herself with the power she's always longed for?
DREAMING DARK is a work of YA urban fantasy, complete at 57 000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
QUERY - JULIE’S JUXTAPOSITION
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Julie Mc Nally has a lot to learn about being a cop in a predominately male world of police enforcement. She is the rookie detective with the Pittsburgh P.D. partnering with seasoned Detective Ross Maddox. When a kidnapped seven-year-old boy is accidentally killed in a police shootout, the entire community anxiously awaits the outcome of the evidence findings. Had this young boy died at the hand of Julie or her wounded partner Ross Maddox? Julie, herself, is unsure of the answer. When Maddox dies, most of the cops believe it was Julie’s bullet that killed the boy, and they intend to make life difficult for her.
Since none of the other detectives are willing to partner with her, Julie is challenged to bring in suspects single-handedly. And, her requests for backup are mostly ignored. Each day Julie must face the mounting pressure that she cannot trust or depend on her fellow cops. The situation comes to a breaking point when she is asked to assist in an interrogation. She is left alone with the suspect who attacks her, as her fellow detectives watch from the two-sided mirror.
To make matters worse, Julie finds her attorney boyfriend, Nick Falco, in bed with one of his clients. This looks like the right time to get out of town for Julie.
Her requests for transfer are denied, but she is assigned to assist with the nearby Bradford P.D., where she is paired with Michael Nolan, the town’s most sought after male. Working together they manage to catch thieves, burglars, and even nudists. The department nicknames them ‘Hot & Spicy’. They learn to trust and depend on each other.
When they are assigned to the embezzlement case against Bradford’s former mayor, they discover he was part of a highly classified government program. The ‘Crowe Project’ is such a guarded secret that those involved are willing to commit murder to avoid exposure. The investigation takes Julie and Michael to Las Vegas where they are aided by Michael’s police academy friend, Josh Kelly, and a stripper named Roxy, who is we learn is Michael’s estranged wife.
My 70,000-word womens' fiction titled JULIE’S JUXTAPOSITION, explores just how strong and resourceful a woman must be in a predominately male world of police departments.
I am in the Information Technology field and have authored procedural/technical white papers. If you would like to consider JULIE'S JUXTAPOSITION, I'd be happy to forward the complete manuscript to you.
Sincerely,
Julie Mc Nally has a lot to learn about being a cop in a predominately male world of police enforcement. She is the rookie detective with the Pittsburgh P.D. partnering with seasoned Detective Ross Maddox. When a kidnapped seven-year-old boy is accidentally killed in a police shootout, the entire community anxiously awaits the outcome of the evidence findings. Had this young boy died at the hand of Julie or her wounded partner Ross Maddox? Julie, herself, is unsure of the answer. When Maddox dies, most of the cops believe it was Julie’s bullet that killed the boy, and they intend to make life difficult for her.
Since none of the other detectives are willing to partner with her, Julie is challenged to bring in suspects single-handedly. And, her requests for backup are mostly ignored. Each day Julie must face the mounting pressure that she cannot trust or depend on her fellow cops. The situation comes to a breaking point when she is asked to assist in an interrogation. She is left alone with the suspect who attacks her, as her fellow detectives watch from the two-sided mirror.
To make matters worse, Julie finds her attorney boyfriend, Nick Falco, in bed with one of his clients. This looks like the right time to get out of town for Julie.
Her requests for transfer are denied, but she is assigned to assist with the nearby Bradford P.D., where she is paired with Michael Nolan, the town’s most sought after male. Working together they manage to catch thieves, burglars, and even nudists. The department nicknames them ‘Hot & Spicy’. They learn to trust and depend on each other.
When they are assigned to the embezzlement case against Bradford’s former mayor, they discover he was part of a highly classified government program. The ‘Crowe Project’ is such a guarded secret that those involved are willing to commit murder to avoid exposure. The investigation takes Julie and Michael to Las Vegas where they are aided by Michael’s police academy friend, Josh Kelly, and a stripper named Roxy, who is we learn is Michael’s estranged wife.
My 70,000-word womens' fiction titled JULIE’S JUXTAPOSITION, explores just how strong and resourceful a woman must be in a predominately male world of police departments.
I am in the Information Technology field and have authored procedural/technical white papers. If you would like to consider JULIE'S JUXTAPOSITION, I'd be happy to forward the complete manuscript to you.
Sincerely,
QUERY: AMELIA'S MONSTERS
A revision has been posted, click here to read it.
Dear X,
Since she was twelve, Amelia’s nights have been plagued with visits from monsters who lurk in her closet and try to lure her away from the safety of her bed, calling her Amelie and saying that they have been searching for her, waiting for her return. Two years later, at the request of her therapist, her and her family—along with her adopted cousin, Lily—are moving for a third time.
With a fresh start in a brand new home in a gated community, Amelia hopes that all her fears and problems will go away. But when the monster returns one night and takes Lily away, Amelia must face her fear of the dark and enter the monster’s world to rescue Lily, all along the way discovering a tangled past and an unresolved fight between a great hero—Jeanette—and the Monster King that connects her to their world and the one they call Amelie.
AMELIA’S MONSTERS is a 90,000 word young adult fantasy that explores the rationalities and irrationalities of our fears and how we can overcome them to save and protect the ones we love.
Dear X,
Since she was twelve, Amelia’s nights have been plagued with visits from monsters who lurk in her closet and try to lure her away from the safety of her bed, calling her Amelie and saying that they have been searching for her, waiting for her return. Two years later, at the request of her therapist, her and her family—along with her adopted cousin, Lily—are moving for a third time.
With a fresh start in a brand new home in a gated community, Amelia hopes that all her fears and problems will go away. But when the monster returns one night and takes Lily away, Amelia must face her fear of the dark and enter the monster’s world to rescue Lily, all along the way discovering a tangled past and an unresolved fight between a great hero—Jeanette—and the Monster King that connects her to their world and the one they call Amelie.
AMELIA’S MONSTERS is a 90,000 word young adult fantasy that explores the rationalities and irrationalities of our fears and how we can overcome them to save and protect the ones we love.
Mar 17, 2009
Query- YA Urban Fantasy
17-year-old Drew Donovan has an absolutely perfect, not-at-all-dangerous plan for her last real summer vacation (library job, reality show marathons, rinse, repeat). Her plan does not include working at Wylde Lake summer camp (as Drew’s pretty sure the forest gives her hives), nor does it include getting caught in the boys’ bathroom on her very first day by the hot-camp-boy-perfection that is Liam Walsh. And in no way does her plan include being chased across camp by a giant black dog that can make people disappear.
But Wylde Lake doesn't only have monsters. When Drew finds a pixie in her cabin, mermaids at the lake, and fairies in the forest, she starts to think that all of the Faerie Tales her dad told her when she was little might just be true, and that Liam, who seems to know all about this Faerie world, may actually be one of them. When Drew and Liam realize that all of the monsters coming out of the forest are actually coming for her, Drew decides to follow the clues of an ancient Alfar prophecy to stop the darkness from taking over the Fae, and save Liam from the darkness within himself, even if, as the prophecy predicts, she’ll have to give her life for his.
But Wylde Lake doesn't only have monsters. When Drew finds a pixie in her cabin, mermaids at the lake, and fairies in the forest, she starts to think that all of the Faerie Tales her dad told her when she was little might just be true, and that Liam, who seems to know all about this Faerie world, may actually be one of them. When Drew and Liam realize that all of the monsters coming out of the forest are actually coming for her, Drew decides to follow the clues of an ancient Alfar prophecy to stop the darkness from taking over the Fae, and save Liam from the darkness within himself, even if, as the prophecy predicts, she’ll have to give her life for his.
Mar 16, 2009
Query: KRELIS (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent,
Once every hundred years, Comet Orel blazes across the sky, calling to the heavens the souls of deceased dragons. During this time, an opportunity opens to imbue dragon stones with the souls, creating powerful talismans. Krelis and six wizards embark on a journey to collect the elusive dragon stones, which are formed from the hearts of dragons, but the power they yield proves to be too enticing, corrupting one of their own.
Krelis’ innate, magical ability earns him an apprenticeship with the great wizard, Antigonus. He lives in the conservatory on a small remote island where he practices the art with his friends. His life is simple, free from the conflicts that plague rest of Known World.
All of this changes when his mentor brings Krelis and his friends together to reveal the real reason for their selection; a dream of everlasting peace between the races of Known World that can only become a reality with the power of the dragon stones.
Krelis and his peers leave their home and undertake the quest filled with danger and ultimately…betrayal.
KRELIS is an 80,000 word, young adult fantasy.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Dear Agent,
Once every hundred years, Comet Orel blazes across the sky, calling to the heavens the souls of deceased dragons. During this time, an opportunity opens to imbue dragon stones with the souls, creating powerful talismans. Krelis and six wizards embark on a journey to collect the elusive dragon stones, which are formed from the hearts of dragons, but the power they yield proves to be too enticing, corrupting one of their own.
Krelis’ innate, magical ability earns him an apprenticeship with the great wizard, Antigonus. He lives in the conservatory on a small remote island where he practices the art with his friends. His life is simple, free from the conflicts that plague rest of Known World.
All of this changes when his mentor brings Krelis and his friends together to reveal the real reason for their selection; a dream of everlasting peace between the races of Known World that can only become a reality with the power of the dragon stones.
Krelis and his peers leave their home and undertake the quest filled with danger and ultimately…betrayal.
KRELIS is an 80,000 word, young adult fantasy.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Query for Love.com
Dear Agent:
Marsha Underwood is one of those people who actually can sell iceboxes to Eskimos. So it’s logical that she is recruited as Director of Marketing for the San Francisco based Internet dating service startup, LOVE.COM. The startup’s founder, Paul Latimer, has loved Marsha for her strength and beauty for more than ten years since their college days, but Marsha doesn’t consider Paul to be marriage material. Paul is desperate to win the approval of his own powerful but remote father as well as Marsha’s affection. Love.com becomes the vehicle for both of his desires. Paul also recruits Marsha’s father, the noted relationship expert Dr. John Underwood to develop matching protocols. The company becomes an overnight sensation after adopting Marsha’s novel pricing strategy: allow subscribers unlimited use of the site for free, and charge them only after a successful match is made. But such a pricing strategy proves an irresistible temptation for Paul to tinker with Mother Nature. Of course, he can’t let Marsha or her father in on the plot. They wouldn’t understand. They have morals.
A slick advertising campaign and the Company’s controversial ‘Soulmate Strategy’ isn’t enough to account for the Company’s success. Soon, subscribers begin marrying in numbers far greater than anyone can fathom. When Marsha and her father question why, danger and death are right behind. With Love.com now a worldwide phenomenon, Marsha is afraid for her life from the man who purports to love her. Will Marsha save her own life, discover the secrets of Love.com and perhaps even find her own soulmate?
LOVE.COM is a romantic suspense complete at 99,000 words. It will be of particular interest to the millions of women and men who have dabbled with Internet dating (we all know at least one). It is the first work I have submitted for representation. I was previously Vice President of Marketing for an information technology consulting firm, which not only is relevant to the story, I also have an excellent marketing plan for the project. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
Marsha Underwood is one of those people who actually can sell iceboxes to Eskimos. So it’s logical that she is recruited as Director of Marketing for the San Francisco based Internet dating service startup, LOVE.COM. The startup’s founder, Paul Latimer, has loved Marsha for her strength and beauty for more than ten years since their college days, but Marsha doesn’t consider Paul to be marriage material. Paul is desperate to win the approval of his own powerful but remote father as well as Marsha’s affection. Love.com becomes the vehicle for both of his desires. Paul also recruits Marsha’s father, the noted relationship expert Dr. John Underwood to develop matching protocols. The company becomes an overnight sensation after adopting Marsha’s novel pricing strategy: allow subscribers unlimited use of the site for free, and charge them only after a successful match is made. But such a pricing strategy proves an irresistible temptation for Paul to tinker with Mother Nature. Of course, he can’t let Marsha or her father in on the plot. They wouldn’t understand. They have morals.
A slick advertising campaign and the Company’s controversial ‘Soulmate Strategy’ isn’t enough to account for the Company’s success. Soon, subscribers begin marrying in numbers far greater than anyone can fathom. When Marsha and her father question why, danger and death are right behind. With Love.com now a worldwide phenomenon, Marsha is afraid for her life from the man who purports to love her. Will Marsha save her own life, discover the secrets of Love.com and perhaps even find her own soulmate?
LOVE.COM is a romantic suspense complete at 99,000 words. It will be of particular interest to the millions of women and men who have dabbled with Internet dating (we all know at least one). It is the first work I have submitted for representation. I was previously Vice President of Marketing for an information technology consulting firm, which not only is relevant to the story, I also have an excellent marketing plan for the project. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
QUERY - BAGASTANA
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Dear Ms. Agent:
There is a huge grizzly bear in their parents' bedroom.
This comes as rather a shock to Mina and Darwin, but they don't have time to think much about it before they and the bear fall through the portal into another world, Bagastana. As soon Bear sees what has happened, she begins to swear in quite forceful and creative ways, because getting the kids back home is going to be a challenge. The only known portal back is far away; it is guarded by a powerful creature who calls himself “The Maker,” and he will kill Mina and Darwin if he discovers who they really are.
Along the way, the twins encounter shape-shifting animals who worship a deceitful tiger; they are kidnapped by giant ants, forced undercover by misogynist horses, nearly devoured by eagles, and asked to make a great sacrifice by evangelizing fish. Mina and Darwin begin to develop their own magical abilities, and as they grow in power and knowledge, they begin to understand why the Maker would want them dead. They also learn how the Maker imprisons some of those who challenge him in his Living Clay, where they are unable to see, hear, breathe, or die.
BAGASTANA is the story of two young people who, while trying to get home, discover who they really are along the way. Like Pullman's GOLDEN COMPASS or L'Engle's A WRINKLE IN TIME, the story of Bagastana is multi-layered with deeper meanings. This novel is complete at 73,700 words; it can be marketed in the commercial-literary genre or as YA fantasy (no sex or profanity, although the religious symbolism might be a bit controversial).
I was born and raised in suburban New Jersey, but I managed to escape. After attending Yale as an undergraduate and getting my Ph.D. in psychology from Rutgers, I took a job with University of Maryland's overseas teaching program, living in several different cultures, many of which I've drawn on for this novel. I moved back to the U.S. in December.
Please contact me if you are interested in receiving a partial or the complete manuscript. The first chapters also are available on my website at http://www.mywebsite.com/writing.
Thank you for your time, and take care!
Dear Ms. Agent:
There is a huge grizzly bear in their parents' bedroom.
This comes as rather a shock to Mina and Darwin, but they don't have time to think much about it before they and the bear fall through the portal into another world, Bagastana. As soon Bear sees what has happened, she begins to swear in quite forceful and creative ways, because getting the kids back home is going to be a challenge. The only known portal back is far away; it is guarded by a powerful creature who calls himself “The Maker,” and he will kill Mina and Darwin if he discovers who they really are.
Along the way, the twins encounter shape-shifting animals who worship a deceitful tiger; they are kidnapped by giant ants, forced undercover by misogynist horses, nearly devoured by eagles, and asked to make a great sacrifice by evangelizing fish. Mina and Darwin begin to develop their own magical abilities, and as they grow in power and knowledge, they begin to understand why the Maker would want them dead. They also learn how the Maker imprisons some of those who challenge him in his Living Clay, where they are unable to see, hear, breathe, or die.
BAGASTANA is the story of two young people who, while trying to get home, discover who they really are along the way. Like Pullman's GOLDEN COMPASS or L'Engle's A WRINKLE IN TIME, the story of Bagastana is multi-layered with deeper meanings. This novel is complete at 73,700 words; it can be marketed in the commercial-literary genre or as YA fantasy (no sex or profanity, although the religious symbolism might be a bit controversial).
I was born and raised in suburban New Jersey, but I managed to escape. After attending Yale as an undergraduate and getting my Ph.D. in psychology from Rutgers, I took a job with University of Maryland's overseas teaching program, living in several different cultures, many of which I've drawn on for this novel. I moved back to the U.S. in December.
Please contact me if you are interested in receiving a partial or the complete manuscript. The first chapters also are available on my website at http://www.mywebsite.com/writing.
Thank you for your time, and take care!
Query for Demon Dreams, main stream paranormal fiction...
Almost thirty years ago Margaret Turner left the occult world and the duties of being a Guardian for a normal life. Two marriages and three kids later she’s still trying to find normal.
Late one night while relaxing and reading a good book an old friend pops in to pay Meg a visit. More curious than scared of the demon, Meg agrees to a battle of wills and quickly gains control of the situation. What she learns from the demon under her control makes her less than thrilled. Hell is in danger and needs her help.
A power hungry warlock has been killing demons and assuming their powers. He’s somehow blocked the higher level demons from leaving hell on their own and any move they make to attack him misses. Having exhausted every evil plan they can think of, Satan and his minions turn to their earthly counterparts for help.
The idea of returning to her duties as Guardian of the Way makes Meg pause. She left all of that behind to live a normal life. As she wonders if she can pick up where she left off, she realizes that if she doesn’t help everything she knows and loves will die. So with help from her psychic friend, druidic boss, a few demons and angels, Meg immerses herself into the world she left behind. Can she find a way to defeat the warlock at his own game before hell takes over earth?
Demon Dreams is a finished 65,000 word paranormal/fiction manuscript that follows Meg Turner, witch and Guardian of the Way on a wild ride to save Hell. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely Yours,
Late one night while relaxing and reading a good book an old friend pops in to pay Meg a visit. More curious than scared of the demon, Meg agrees to a battle of wills and quickly gains control of the situation. What she learns from the demon under her control makes her less than thrilled. Hell is in danger and needs her help.
A power hungry warlock has been killing demons and assuming their powers. He’s somehow blocked the higher level demons from leaving hell on their own and any move they make to attack him misses. Having exhausted every evil plan they can think of, Satan and his minions turn to their earthly counterparts for help.
The idea of returning to her duties as Guardian of the Way makes Meg pause. She left all of that behind to live a normal life. As she wonders if she can pick up where she left off, she realizes that if she doesn’t help everything she knows and loves will die. So with help from her psychic friend, druidic boss, a few demons and angels, Meg immerses herself into the world she left behind. Can she find a way to defeat the warlock at his own game before hell takes over earth?
Demon Dreams is a finished 65,000 word paranormal/fiction manuscript that follows Meg Turner, witch and Guardian of the Way on a wild ride to save Hell. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely Yours,
QUERY - XENOLITH
Bearing flowers to the cairn erected in his vanished wife's memory in the wilderness of Belize, an ambush awaits Dr. Robert Bowen and his heart.
Bound and bruised on the forest floor, he battles a potentially fatal arrhythmia while his captors bicker in an obscure tongue. They ignore his wallet and passport. He thinks they might be drug runners. He couldn't be more mistaken.
For millennia, the Philosophers of Ubabaor denied the existence of xenoliths -- stones rumored to mediate convergences between worlds. For centuries they had witnessed the advance of earthly technologies and summarily rejected them.
When a brutal invasion overwhelms their country's defenses, their military commandeers the stones to open corridors through our world to support the covert strikes and strategic evacuations that enable their country to persist under siege.
Robert's exile to Ubabaor for witnessing a convergence rekindles hope that his wife still lives. Seeking other exiles who might have seen her, he roams a war-ravaged landscape, facing Ubabaor's enemies, as traces of Elizabeth, faint but unmistakable, lead him closer to a possible reunion, if he can keep his balky heart beating long enough.
XENOLITH, an urban fantasy, is complete at 110,000 words. I am a Harvard-trained, tropical disease ecologist whose many forays in developing countries and innumerable bouts of culture shock help inspire my depictions of exotic cultures and settings.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to see more.
Bound and bruised on the forest floor, he battles a potentially fatal arrhythmia while his captors bicker in an obscure tongue. They ignore his wallet and passport. He thinks they might be drug runners. He couldn't be more mistaken.
For millennia, the Philosophers of Ubabaor denied the existence of xenoliths -- stones rumored to mediate convergences between worlds. For centuries they had witnessed the advance of earthly technologies and summarily rejected them.
When a brutal invasion overwhelms their country's defenses, their military commandeers the stones to open corridors through our world to support the covert strikes and strategic evacuations that enable their country to persist under siege.
Robert's exile to Ubabaor for witnessing a convergence rekindles hope that his wife still lives. Seeking other exiles who might have seen her, he roams a war-ravaged landscape, facing Ubabaor's enemies, as traces of Elizabeth, faint but unmistakable, lead him closer to a possible reunion, if he can keep his balky heart beating long enough.
XENOLITH, an urban fantasy, is complete at 110,000 words. I am a Harvard-trained, tropical disease ecologist whose many forays in developing countries and innumerable bouts of culture shock help inspire my depictions of exotic cultures and settings.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to see more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)