Dear Agent,
THE NIGHT STARTS HERE is a young adult paranormal novel. It is complete at 70,000 words.
Simon Hawkins is undead. Not alive, not dead. Regardless of his condition, Simon is a walking, talking, handsome young man. He's also in love with a very much human girl named Beth. The only issue is that Beth is going to break up Simon and he knows it and he's really not actually as nice of a guy as he seems.
Because Simon believes that he can still make Beth love him, he orchestrates a car crash that kills Beth. Then on the side of the road, as she drifts out of the world, Simon does the unforgivable. He changes Beth into one of the undead.
A day later, Beth wakes up in a coffin. Buried.
Instead of throwing herself into his arms with gratitude at “saving her life” like Simon hopes, Beth runs away in fear and confusion.
While sitting alone on the side of a road one night, Beth is approached by two young men who are members of a gang that live in a mysterious city beneath the human world called the Underground. Beth goes with the two young men and joins the ranks of the gang, making some new friends and new enemies very quickly.
However, Beth's painful past resurfaces when Everyone's Favorite Psychopath Boyfriend Simon shows up Underground-- to his old gang, the exact one that Beth is now a part of. He is welcomed back, as the gang does not know the history between Beth and Simon. Simon then proceeds to blackmail Beth into silence, once again abusing his control over her helpless nature.
When the leader of the gang, Dominik, devises a plot against the evil Aristocracy (the corrupt ruling class of the Underground) that could potentially benefit all the members of the gang, they decide to go for it. Will they be able to leave the usual un-dead gang drama at home for a night and come together to bring down the powerful establishment? More importantly, will Beth be able to reveal Simon for the manipulative jerk he really is?
Thank you for your consideration,
Jul 17, 2009
Query- Blood From Heaven [version 4]
Click here to read the original.
Click here to read the version 3.
Question: I was considering changing the title to "Trial By Fire"--what do you think?
Thanks-
E.J.
Dear Agent,
Samone Fisher is a Priestess with ancient powers. She is a woman who has the ability to act as a gateway for angels and gods, and demons too when things don’t go so well.
What happens when things don’t go so well? You lose your body.
Luckily for Samone, she has an angel watching out for her, the fiery Serafina, who has possessed her body to keep it alive.
Now, Serafina must enlist the help of two special men to find Samone’s soul and bring it back to her body where it belongs. The men soon succumb to the angel’s fiery energy. The clock is ticking. The body is dying. Under the angel’s mysterious influence the men are able to return Samone’s soul to her body.
And here is where their new lives begin.
The men soon find out that Samone is as fiery as the angel that kept her body alive, and they will do anything to be with her. But the demons are closing in. They want Samone and people are starting to die. So Samone and her two men summon the angels for help, and that is when they learn that angels are not always what they seem.
I would like to submit for your review the manuscript for my paranormal urban fantasy, Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words. This is the first novel of a series, which can also stand alone.
In writing this novel I have drawn upon my expertise in occult and paranormal subjects as well as professional experience with psychology, investigation and law enforcement.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Click here to read the version 3.
Question: I was considering changing the title to "Trial By Fire"--what do you think?
Thanks-
E.J.
Dear Agent,
Samone Fisher is a Priestess with ancient powers. She is a woman who has the ability to act as a gateway for angels and gods, and demons too when things don’t go so well.
What happens when things don’t go so well? You lose your body.
Luckily for Samone, she has an angel watching out for her, the fiery Serafina, who has possessed her body to keep it alive.
Now, Serafina must enlist the help of two special men to find Samone’s soul and bring it back to her body where it belongs. The men soon succumb to the angel’s fiery energy. The clock is ticking. The body is dying. Under the angel’s mysterious influence the men are able to return Samone’s soul to her body.
And here is where their new lives begin.
The men soon find out that Samone is as fiery as the angel that kept her body alive, and they will do anything to be with her. But the demons are closing in. They want Samone and people are starting to die. So Samone and her two men summon the angels for help, and that is when they learn that angels are not always what they seem.
I would like to submit for your review the manuscript for my paranormal urban fantasy, Blood From Heaven, which is complete at 82,700 words. This is the first novel of a series, which can also stand alone.
In writing this novel I have drawn upon my expertise in occult and paranormal subjects as well as professional experience with psychology, investigation and law enforcement.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Jul 16, 2009
QUERY- BROKEN (new query)
A revision has been posted, click here to read it.
Dear [Agent X],
Madeline “Madd” Gunn is a fallen cop who knows where to find the best breaded steak sandwich in Chicago, how to fire a .45 without missing, and who murdered her kid sister.
After every lead on her sister’s case dries up, Madd quits the force and teams up with a group of well-connected vigilantes who hunt down violent criminals and arrange their deaths. When “The Protectors” hand Madd the name of her sister’s killer and an untraceable .45, she fires four bullets into his chest and watches him die.
There’s only one problem. She killed the wrong man.
Once a phone call confirms her worst fears, Madd knows that someone has set her up. But who? Now her name is on The Protectors’ hit list and finding her sister’s killer is only the beginning of her problems. She needs to live long enough to uncover the truth, and some very powerful people want her dead.
BROKEN is an 86, 127 word thriller about the irreversible consequences of revenge. My short stories have appeared in [redacted] and [redacted].
Thank you for your time.
Dear [Agent X],
Madeline “Madd” Gunn is a fallen cop who knows where to find the best breaded steak sandwich in Chicago, how to fire a .45 without missing, and who murdered her kid sister.
After every lead on her sister’s case dries up, Madd quits the force and teams up with a group of well-connected vigilantes who hunt down violent criminals and arrange their deaths. When “The Protectors” hand Madd the name of her sister’s killer and an untraceable .45, she fires four bullets into his chest and watches him die.
There’s only one problem. She killed the wrong man.
Once a phone call confirms her worst fears, Madd knows that someone has set her up. But who? Now her name is on The Protectors’ hit list and finding her sister’s killer is only the beginning of her problems. She needs to live long enough to uncover the truth, and some very powerful people want her dead.
BROKEN is an 86, 127 word thriller about the irreversible consequences of revenge. My short stories have appeared in [redacted] and [redacted].
Thank you for your time.
QUERY- UNTITLED
Click here to read the sample pages.
A revision of this query has been posted, click here to read it.
I can handle large amounts of criticism. I'm just starting out writing and i am almost finished with my first novel. I have no ending paragraphs to my letter because I don't have any credentials or degree to mention - not sure what I should do with that?
Dear Mr. Agent,
I fell in love with your blog in my desperate need to learn as much as possible about writing a gold medal query letter. I am currently seeking representation for my Young Adult novel, UNTITLED, complete at 100,000 words.
Holly Flynn is a well respected English teacher and aspiring novelist married to her wonderful and attentive high school boyfriend. Her life is exactly as she always planned. That is until an old friend shows up at her door step handing over an item she hasn’t seen in ten years, her journal. Her eighteen year old self preserved in the form of a pink velvet notebook. As she opens the book, a photograph falls to the floor. A picture of herself embracing a mysterious boy who's face happens to be identical to the boy from her novel. A face she thought only existed in her fictional world. A face she’s devoted over 300 pages to.
After reading the journal she discovers her own written words tell a story different from the one she knows. Holly must decide to stay in the life she’s always known or to take a chance and leave everything behind. Is true love worth the pain? Her discoveries bring the conclusion that the world is much bigger than she ever imagined and the mystery surrounding the boy she loves is almost too much for any human to accept. The power to change the past is like playing God in a battle where right and wrong are not the only two sides competing.
A revision of this query has been posted, click here to read it.
I can handle large amounts of criticism. I'm just starting out writing and i am almost finished with my first novel. I have no ending paragraphs to my letter because I don't have any credentials or degree to mention - not sure what I should do with that?
Dear Mr. Agent,
I fell in love with your blog in my desperate need to learn as much as possible about writing a gold medal query letter. I am currently seeking representation for my Young Adult novel, UNTITLED, complete at 100,000 words.
Holly Flynn is a well respected English teacher and aspiring novelist married to her wonderful and attentive high school boyfriend. Her life is exactly as she always planned. That is until an old friend shows up at her door step handing over an item she hasn’t seen in ten years, her journal. Her eighteen year old self preserved in the form of a pink velvet notebook. As she opens the book, a photograph falls to the floor. A picture of herself embracing a mysterious boy who's face happens to be identical to the boy from her novel. A face she thought only existed in her fictional world. A face she’s devoted over 300 pages to.
After reading the journal she discovers her own written words tell a story different from the one she knows. Holly must decide to stay in the life she’s always known or to take a chance and leave everything behind. Is true love worth the pain? Her discoveries bring the conclusion that the world is much bigger than she ever imagined and the mystery surrounding the boy she loves is almost too much for any human to accept. The power to change the past is like playing God in a battle where right and wrong are not the only two sides competing.
Jul 15, 2009
Revising Queries
Slushpile follower / commenter Elana Johnson wrote an excellent post on the QueryTracker.net blog today, click here to read it.
I won't re-hash the entire thing (you really should read it for yourself!), but the gist is that you are better off if you let the criticism you receive sink in before rushing directly into your query revisions.
Take your time. Like in cooking, slower produces a better result. Never microwave a roast...
I won't re-hash the entire thing (you really should read it for yourself!), but the gist is that you are better off if you let the criticism you receive sink in before rushing directly into your query revisions.
Take your time. Like in cooking, slower produces a better result. Never microwave a roast...
Query - ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIME
Have you heard of a place far in the cosmos called Acadia? No? Not surprising, for even the name is nothing but a whisper to most who know of its lore. Alien as it may sound; Acadia is a world much like ours. It is a world of strife and a world of harmony—a home to many heroes and to many villains. But what if the villain was a hero—the hero a villain?
In the years after the Great War, a proud king has sacrificed his own life to rid the world of an evil that consumed his body and now his soul. But his sacrifice goes in vain, for the evil survived and nested itself in the only thing most precious to him: his only son. Damont Langörn, a young lord of an estate, comes to learn the truth behind his blood and a cryptic prophecy that unfolds before him. Leaving him thus with only two choices: To bring a new era of peace to Acadia or to accept his ominous future that would bring another era of darkness and the death of the Acadian gods.
The future is inevitable. Damont Langörn, ruler of Acadia and the world of the divine, is challenged and slain by his once closest ally and friend: Derrick Avren. Instead of the void, the once middle-aged man wakes up in the farmlands of Garribus in the bloom of his youth, and recalls nothing but the chores he had to do. An ancient prophecy is soon revealed, and then comes to him visions of an uncertain future. Embarking on a quest with the aid of a sorceress and a hunter to fulfill a prophecy, Damont learns the truth of his parents. He is the child of an ancient king and the goddess of time, carrying in his veins a legendary bloodline: the house of Langörn!
Before the throne of Haldina, home to his ancestors, is relinquished into the birth of his reign, Damont is betrayed by the city’s steward, Duke Therodyll. The Duke has chosen another to entrust his realm: Derrick Avren, prince of the Empire of Zafrëal. With the god of war at his side, Derrick instigates a new war between the east and west—and one he plans to win. To avail his cause and to empower his name, the queen of the Kingdom of Illyiümia offers her crown and realm to Damont Langörn. But to win the war, Damont seeks an ancient weapon his father once wielded—the sword of cosmos! A sword that feasts upon his blood, and hungers for the blood of the divine; but through its power, Damont puts an end to the onslaught and invasion of Zafrëal. In the end, he reclaims the throne of his forefathers and brings peace to the war-torn lands with the death of the god of war, while sparing the life of Derrick Avren.
Little did he know that his dark and malevolent future still awaited him in the decades to come…
My novel of 189,000 words, ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIME, is an epic fantasy aimed for general readers, but more hopefully, for readers who appreciate great works such as the Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien, the Shadowmarch trilogy by Tad Williams, and the Crown of Stars series by Kate Elliott.
Thank you once again for your time and patience in considering my query.
Best regards,
Ali M. Naqvi
(angeluztb@gmail.com)
In the years after the Great War, a proud king has sacrificed his own life to rid the world of an evil that consumed his body and now his soul. But his sacrifice goes in vain, for the evil survived and nested itself in the only thing most precious to him: his only son. Damont Langörn, a young lord of an estate, comes to learn the truth behind his blood and a cryptic prophecy that unfolds before him. Leaving him thus with only two choices: To bring a new era of peace to Acadia or to accept his ominous future that would bring another era of darkness and the death of the Acadian gods.
The future is inevitable. Damont Langörn, ruler of Acadia and the world of the divine, is challenged and slain by his once closest ally and friend: Derrick Avren. Instead of the void, the once middle-aged man wakes up in the farmlands of Garribus in the bloom of his youth, and recalls nothing but the chores he had to do. An ancient prophecy is soon revealed, and then comes to him visions of an uncertain future. Embarking on a quest with the aid of a sorceress and a hunter to fulfill a prophecy, Damont learns the truth of his parents. He is the child of an ancient king and the goddess of time, carrying in his veins a legendary bloodline: the house of Langörn!
Before the throne of Haldina, home to his ancestors, is relinquished into the birth of his reign, Damont is betrayed by the city’s steward, Duke Therodyll. The Duke has chosen another to entrust his realm: Derrick Avren, prince of the Empire of Zafrëal. With the god of war at his side, Derrick instigates a new war between the east and west—and one he plans to win. To avail his cause and to empower his name, the queen of the Kingdom of Illyiümia offers her crown and realm to Damont Langörn. But to win the war, Damont seeks an ancient weapon his father once wielded—the sword of cosmos! A sword that feasts upon his blood, and hungers for the blood of the divine; but through its power, Damont puts an end to the onslaught and invasion of Zafrëal. In the end, he reclaims the throne of his forefathers and brings peace to the war-torn lands with the death of the god of war, while sparing the life of Derrick Avren.
Little did he know that his dark and malevolent future still awaited him in the decades to come…
My novel of 189,000 words, ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIME, is an epic fantasy aimed for general readers, but more hopefully, for readers who appreciate great works such as the Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien, the Shadowmarch trilogy by Tad Williams, and the Crown of Stars series by Kate Elliott.
Thank you once again for your time and patience in considering my query.
Best regards,
Ali M. Naqvi
(angeluztb@gmail.com)
Jul 14, 2009
Sample Pages - Quest Support (First Revision)
Well, I'm back. I've done some tweaking to the first chapter of Quest Support, and I think it's improved somewhat. The first chapter is only 6 pages, so I've posted the whole thing. Thanks!
Quest Support
Chapter One: In Which, Appropriately Enough, the Story Begins
The magic mirror rang again. Gilbert adjusted his headset and pressed the “talk” button on the mirror’s frame. His reflection dissolved into an image of a bleak landscape.
“Thank you for calling Quest Support,” said Gilbert. “My name is Gilbert. How can I help you?”
A young man clad in silver armor stood in a torrential rain and glowered at him. “Why isn’t my magic sword working?” he said.
“Could you be more specific?”
“I just told you, it's not working.” The caller tossed his head, long blond hair trailing out behind him.
“Yes, but what's it supposed to do?”
“How should I know?” said the caller. “The Elves who gave it to me said I would know what to do with it at the proper time. Well, we’re attacking the Dark Lord’s tower tight now, and the sword hasn't done anything. It must be broken.” A flash of lightning gleamed off his armor, immaculate save for an artistically-placed dent on the breastplate.
“I'll decide that,” said Gilbert, already taking a dislike to this caller. “Hold it up to the Quest Orb so I can see it.”
“Quest Orb?”
Gilbert sighed. “The round purple crystal you’re talking into right now. Hold the sword in front of it so I can see it.” Moron, he added to himself.
The man drew a gaudy sword with a shining blade and a gold crosspiece.
That's an actual sword? Gilbert thought. It looks like it should be hanging on some rich guy’s wall. “Let me look that up,” he told the caller.
Sword, silver blade with leaf pattern, gold grip that looks like dragon head with ruby eyes, Gilbert wrote on a piece of parchment on his desk. The words vanished, and Please wait appeared in their place as an enchantment searched Quest Support’s catalog of known magical artifacts. With a muffled thump, a stack of eight or ten pages appeared on the desk. 1 match found, the first page read, Legendary Sword Darkbane.
Gilbert groaned. “Okay, I’m going to have to put you on hold for a minute.”
“What? How dare you?”
“Look, you’ve got a Legendary Sword here. I’m going to have to wade through a few dozen pages of cryptic prophecy and shabby verse before I can figure out how the thing works.”
“But that’s….”
Gilbert punched the “Hold” button on the mirror frame. Caller on Hold, the mirror announced as he began flipping through the heap of parchment on his desk. “Let’s see,” he muttered to himself.
“Forged by elves in the fires of…not important. Some prophecy that’s already been fulfilled…bad poetry…more bad poetry…come on, that doesn’t even rhyme…ha!” He’d found something that could be useful. He skipped the text at the start of the paragraph, which was usually irrelevant, and went straight to the end. In dark of night, when all seems lost, Darkbane shall light, to burn the dross, Gilbert read. Why did the people who wrote this junk always fancy themselves bards? The verse concluded, The might of its flame shall fell the Dark, and save the land from fate most stark.
“Okay,” Gilbert said, taking the mirror off of hold. “I've got something.”
“About time!” said the caller.
“Let me ask you a question,” said Gilbert. “Has all hope been lost yet?”
“Well, no. Our army is taking a beating, but we haven't given up yet.”
“Well, there you go—the sword will only work when all hope has been lost.”
The client frowned. “Are you sure of this, boy?”
“Of course I’m sure!” Gilbert snapped. “This is good old Magical Weapon 74: the Deus Ex Machina on a stick.” He’d seen this type of sword at least four times this year.
“What are you babbling about, boy?”
“All I’m saying is…”
Phwoomph! Suddenly the sword Darkbane ignited with a flickering blue glow. “Ha!” cried the caller. “It’s working! I knew it all along! The Dark Lord will fall before me!”
“Suuuure you did.”
“I have no more time for idle talk, boy!” sneered the caller. “Destiny awaits!”
“Fine,” said Gilbert. “Goodbye. Jerk.” Gilbert pressed the “End” button on the mirror, and the caller’s image vanished. He disentangled his headset from his unkempt straw-colored hair and laid it on his desk. He’d been taking calls for the last eight hours, and the thing had been digging into his scalp something fierce.
“I need coffee,” Gilbert muttered. He wasn’t scheduled for a break until quitting time, but no one would notice his absence if he was quick. Gilbert shut off his mirror with another button press and stepped out of his cubicle. He made his way to the coffee machine at the other end of the cavernous call center, snatches of dozens of mirror calls flitting past his ears as he walked.
“…hold the wand firmly in your right hand and recite this incantation…”
“…how many kobolds are we talking about here?”
“…off-hand I’d say it’s probably poisoned, but let me check…”
Gilbert had poured himself a cup of coffee and was heading back toward his cubicle when someone called his name. “Gilbert! Hey, Gilbert!” He turned and looked down at the goblin who had grabbed hold of his belt. The green, bat-eared creature only came up to his belly button, and he stared up at him with imploring yellow eyes.
So much for being quick. “What now, uh….,”
“My name’s Knarf! I’ve worked here since last week, remember?”
“Oh, right, the guy who got his foot stuck in the snack machine.”
“Yeah! That was so embarrassing! So, I’m kind of having trouble with a call, and I thought maybe you could help. You’re a smart guy.”
“Knarf, I’m….”
“You’re not supposed to be on break, Gilbert!” boomed a thunderous voice from somewhere over his head. He looked up and found his way blocked by a scaly wall of red dragon.
“I’m…uh…helping Knarf with a call, Mr. Bloodscales,” said Gilbert.
Knarf’s nodded. “Yeah, Gilbert’s helping me with a call!”
The dragon Bloodscales rattled his wings and blew a puff of smoke out his nostrils. “Very well. But I want you back at your desk as soon as you’re finished. Understand?”
“Of course, Mr. Bloodscales.”
The division manager stormed off to bother some other employee. “Oh boy!” said Knarf.
“Thanks, Gilbert!”
“Don’t mention it,” Gilbert grunted.
He followed Knarf into his cubicle where the mirror showed a surly orc holding a withered branch in one hand. “He’s having problems with his Staff of Flame,” Knarf explained. “It’s shooting water instead of fire. I put him on hold so I could try to look up how to fix it, but I can’t find anything.”
Gilbert squinted at the mirror. “Is it shooting clear water or muddy water?”
“It’s pretty muddy.”
“Yeah, these staffs have this problem all the time. I’ve already taken two calls about it today.”
“What should I do?”
“Just call the Repairs department and they’ll send someone out with a replacement.”
“Okay! Mirror, get me the Repairs department.”
A droopy little man appeared in the mirror. “Hi, you’ve reached Frank in Repairs,” he wheezed. There was a pause while he fished a handkerchief out of his pocket and blew his nose. “I’m out sick right now, but if you’ll leave a message our backup enchanter will get to your request as soon as possible.”
“Huh,” said Gilbert. “I didn’t know we had a backup enchanter. Wonder who that could be?”
“Hi!” Knarf said to the mirror. “Groghclaw the orc has a Staff of Fire that’s shooting water. Could you please send someone out to help him as soon as you can?” He turned to Gilbert. “Boy, do I feel dumb. I just spent a half-hour trying to get that thing to work. Guess I’m just not thinking straight – it’s been a long day.”
“Tell me about it.” Gilbert took a swig of coffee. “Things should quiet down soon enough, though. By this time tomorrow, the Dark Lord will be defeated.”
“Oh, that’s good. And there won’t be so many calls any more?”
“Nope. Not until the next Dark Lord arises.” Gilbert glanced down the hall. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I should get back to my desk. I don’t want to get yelled at again.”
Gilbert made it back to his cubicle without attracting Bloodscales’ attention. As he turned his mirror on, he glanced at the stack of parchment that still sat on the desk. Directly below the part he’d read to the caller was another bit of verse he’d missed.
But strike forthwith, without delay, it read, for Darkbane’s power will not long stay.
Oops, thought Gilbert. Maybe I should call the guy back. The mirror rang again, and he jammed his headset back on. Never mind, I don’t have time now. He’ll be fine.
Quest Support
Chapter One: In Which, Appropriately Enough, the Story Begins
The magic mirror rang again. Gilbert adjusted his headset and pressed the “talk” button on the mirror’s frame. His reflection dissolved into an image of a bleak landscape.
“Thank you for calling Quest Support,” said Gilbert. “My name is Gilbert. How can I help you?”
A young man clad in silver armor stood in a torrential rain and glowered at him. “Why isn’t my magic sword working?” he said.
“Could you be more specific?”
“I just told you, it's not working.” The caller tossed his head, long blond hair trailing out behind him.
“Yes, but what's it supposed to do?”
“How should I know?” said the caller. “The Elves who gave it to me said I would know what to do with it at the proper time. Well, we’re attacking the Dark Lord’s tower tight now, and the sword hasn't done anything. It must be broken.” A flash of lightning gleamed off his armor, immaculate save for an artistically-placed dent on the breastplate.
“I'll decide that,” said Gilbert, already taking a dislike to this caller. “Hold it up to the Quest Orb so I can see it.”
“Quest Orb?”
Gilbert sighed. “The round purple crystal you’re talking into right now. Hold the sword in front of it so I can see it.” Moron, he added to himself.
The man drew a gaudy sword with a shining blade and a gold crosspiece.
That's an actual sword? Gilbert thought. It looks like it should be hanging on some rich guy’s wall. “Let me look that up,” he told the caller.
Sword, silver blade with leaf pattern, gold grip that looks like dragon head with ruby eyes, Gilbert wrote on a piece of parchment on his desk. The words vanished, and Please wait appeared in their place as an enchantment searched Quest Support’s catalog of known magical artifacts. With a muffled thump, a stack of eight or ten pages appeared on the desk. 1 match found, the first page read, Legendary Sword Darkbane.
Gilbert groaned. “Okay, I’m going to have to put you on hold for a minute.”
“What? How dare you?”
“Look, you’ve got a Legendary Sword here. I’m going to have to wade through a few dozen pages of cryptic prophecy and shabby verse before I can figure out how the thing works.”
“But that’s….”
Gilbert punched the “Hold” button on the mirror frame. Caller on Hold, the mirror announced as he began flipping through the heap of parchment on his desk. “Let’s see,” he muttered to himself.
“Forged by elves in the fires of…not important. Some prophecy that’s already been fulfilled…bad poetry…more bad poetry…come on, that doesn’t even rhyme…ha!” He’d found something that could be useful. He skipped the text at the start of the paragraph, which was usually irrelevant, and went straight to the end. In dark of night, when all seems lost, Darkbane shall light, to burn the dross, Gilbert read. Why did the people who wrote this junk always fancy themselves bards? The verse concluded, The might of its flame shall fell the Dark, and save the land from fate most stark.
“Okay,” Gilbert said, taking the mirror off of hold. “I've got something.”
“About time!” said the caller.
“Let me ask you a question,” said Gilbert. “Has all hope been lost yet?”
“Well, no. Our army is taking a beating, but we haven't given up yet.”
“Well, there you go—the sword will only work when all hope has been lost.”
The client frowned. “Are you sure of this, boy?”
“Of course I’m sure!” Gilbert snapped. “This is good old Magical Weapon 74: the Deus Ex Machina on a stick.” He’d seen this type of sword at least four times this year.
“What are you babbling about, boy?”
“All I’m saying is…”
Phwoomph! Suddenly the sword Darkbane ignited with a flickering blue glow. “Ha!” cried the caller. “It’s working! I knew it all along! The Dark Lord will fall before me!”
“Suuuure you did.”
“I have no more time for idle talk, boy!” sneered the caller. “Destiny awaits!”
“Fine,” said Gilbert. “Goodbye. Jerk.” Gilbert pressed the “End” button on the mirror, and the caller’s image vanished. He disentangled his headset from his unkempt straw-colored hair and laid it on his desk. He’d been taking calls for the last eight hours, and the thing had been digging into his scalp something fierce.
“I need coffee,” Gilbert muttered. He wasn’t scheduled for a break until quitting time, but no one would notice his absence if he was quick. Gilbert shut off his mirror with another button press and stepped out of his cubicle. He made his way to the coffee machine at the other end of the cavernous call center, snatches of dozens of mirror calls flitting past his ears as he walked.
“…hold the wand firmly in your right hand and recite this incantation…”
“…how many kobolds are we talking about here?”
“…off-hand I’d say it’s probably poisoned, but let me check…”
Gilbert had poured himself a cup of coffee and was heading back toward his cubicle when someone called his name. “Gilbert! Hey, Gilbert!” He turned and looked down at the goblin who had grabbed hold of his belt. The green, bat-eared creature only came up to his belly button, and he stared up at him with imploring yellow eyes.
So much for being quick. “What now, uh….,”
“My name’s Knarf! I’ve worked here since last week, remember?”
“Oh, right, the guy who got his foot stuck in the snack machine.”
“Yeah! That was so embarrassing! So, I’m kind of having trouble with a call, and I thought maybe you could help. You’re a smart guy.”
“Knarf, I’m….”
“You’re not supposed to be on break, Gilbert!” boomed a thunderous voice from somewhere over his head. He looked up and found his way blocked by a scaly wall of red dragon.
“I’m…uh…helping Knarf with a call, Mr. Bloodscales,” said Gilbert.
Knarf’s nodded. “Yeah, Gilbert’s helping me with a call!”
The dragon Bloodscales rattled his wings and blew a puff of smoke out his nostrils. “Very well. But I want you back at your desk as soon as you’re finished. Understand?”
“Of course, Mr. Bloodscales.”
The division manager stormed off to bother some other employee. “Oh boy!” said Knarf.
“Thanks, Gilbert!”
“Don’t mention it,” Gilbert grunted.
He followed Knarf into his cubicle where the mirror showed a surly orc holding a withered branch in one hand. “He’s having problems with his Staff of Flame,” Knarf explained. “It’s shooting water instead of fire. I put him on hold so I could try to look up how to fix it, but I can’t find anything.”
Gilbert squinted at the mirror. “Is it shooting clear water or muddy water?”
“It’s pretty muddy.”
“Yeah, these staffs have this problem all the time. I’ve already taken two calls about it today.”
“What should I do?”
“Just call the Repairs department and they’ll send someone out with a replacement.”
“Okay! Mirror, get me the Repairs department.”
A droopy little man appeared in the mirror. “Hi, you’ve reached Frank in Repairs,” he wheezed. There was a pause while he fished a handkerchief out of his pocket and blew his nose. “I’m out sick right now, but if you’ll leave a message our backup enchanter will get to your request as soon as possible.”
“Huh,” said Gilbert. “I didn’t know we had a backup enchanter. Wonder who that could be?”
“Hi!” Knarf said to the mirror. “Groghclaw the orc has a Staff of Fire that’s shooting water. Could you please send someone out to help him as soon as you can?” He turned to Gilbert. “Boy, do I feel dumb. I just spent a half-hour trying to get that thing to work. Guess I’m just not thinking straight – it’s been a long day.”
“Tell me about it.” Gilbert took a swig of coffee. “Things should quiet down soon enough, though. By this time tomorrow, the Dark Lord will be defeated.”
“Oh, that’s good. And there won’t be so many calls any more?”
“Nope. Not until the next Dark Lord arises.” Gilbert glanced down the hall. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I should get back to my desk. I don’t want to get yelled at again.”
Gilbert made it back to his cubicle without attracting Bloodscales’ attention. As he turned his mirror on, he glanced at the stack of parchment that still sat on the desk. Directly below the part he’d read to the caller was another bit of verse he’d missed.
But strike forthwith, without delay, it read, for Darkbane’s power will not long stay.
Oops, thought Gilbert. Maybe I should call the guy back. The mirror rang again, and he jammed his headset back on. Never mind, I don’t have time now. He’ll be fine.
Jul 9, 2009
Query - Margarita Nights - V2
Click here to read the original query.
Okay, here's the second version with some minor (possibly major) changes! Thanks
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel that presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
Jared’s biggest fear is ending up alone. His current relationship is not as stable as he once thought. His love for his partner doesn’t seem enough to him any longer. He doesn’t know if he has the courage and strength to walk away from a good relationship to, maybe, find a better relationship. He just knows that love doesn’t seem enough. He just isn’t sure what price he is willing to pay to – hopefully – find his happily ever after.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Okay, here's the second version with some minor (possibly major) changes! Thanks
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel that presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
Jared’s biggest fear is ending up alone. His current relationship is not as stable as he once thought. His love for his partner doesn’t seem enough to him any longer. He doesn’t know if he has the courage and strength to walk away from a good relationship to, maybe, find a better relationship. He just knows that love doesn’t seem enough. He just isn’t sure what price he is willing to pay to – hopefully – find his happily ever after.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sample pages-A Profusion of Want
Click here to read the query.
I was sixteen years old the first time I met Grey Koniges, at a high school chess tournament in a crappy gym on a dreary day.
The bleachers were less than a quarter full, only the most tenacious of parents and contenders staying to watch the championship match. They shifted constantly under the fluorescent lights, searching for a comfortable position on the hard benches. Many stifled yawns, and a few grandparents and small children were asleep. One father’s pockets bulged with cash he’d gotten from selling the puzzles in his sudoku book to other parents for five dollars a piece; but all of the puzzles had been solved hours before and now all there was to do was wait, and watch. The only sounds were the recurring sniffle of a child with a bad cold and the light patter of rain against the roof and high, grimy windows.
Down on the main floor, folding card tables were arranged in a neat grid across the lines of the basketball court. All except one were laden with finished games, pawns discarded, queens attacking, kings fallen. Abandoned battlefields.
It had been a long day.
I wasn’t particularly good at chess. I had the potential to be, since I was intelligent enough and had been told—both by people who liked me and those who did not—that I had an aggressive and cunning mind. However, I lacked the interest or the patience. Protracted battles weren’t my thing. The only reason I was there at all was to get a few points extra credit from my math teacher, Mrs. Mendez, which would push my grade from a tenuous B- to a solid B.
Before the tournament, Mrs. Mendez had pulled me away from the chess team, whose pimply, super-intelligent members were somewhat skeptical about my participation, to reassure me that I wasn’t expected to win and that I should “just try to have a good time.”
Mrs. Mendez was new to the school. She didn’t know me well. She didn’t know that I didn’t start things if I thought I would do poorly in them, and I never, ever lost.
It was the last round of the tournament, and I was winning.
My opponent was a boy several years younger than me, small for his age, with thick glasses and thin limbs. I’d forgotten his name, but he looked like a Simon.
Simon had obviously skipped a few grades. As Mrs. Mendez had told me in an excited whisper, he’d blown through all of his previous games more quickly than was strictly polite. I, on the other hand, had won my previous five rounds through sheer determination and the occasional lucky guess.
Simon’s face was pinched as he examined our board, contemplating his next move. I had fewer pieces left than he did, but while most of his were pawns, most of mine weren’t. Finally he reached forward, setting one small hand on his queen, the beginnings of a grin on his face that I did not like at all. I could practically hear the audience take a collective deep breath.
“I’m going to win, you know,” I said, tapping one of my murdered pawns lightly against the edge of the table.
Simon blinked and pulled his hand away. The audience exhaled. “Oh yeah?” He tilted his head and squinted at me suspiciously.
“Yeah,” I said, leaning back in my squeaky chair and crossing my arms over my chest. I ignored the ache in my back from sitting in one position too long. “You know why?”
He twitched, his eyes darting from my face to the board and back again. “Why?”
I smirked. “Because I know exactly what you’re going to do next. You’re predictable. It’ll be all too easy.”
Come on, kid. Mess up, I thought intently.
“We’ll see about that,” he blustered, but now his forehead was furrowed and there was fear in his eyes. He reached for the queen again, his hand hovering over her. He stayed like that for almost a minute before he let out a put-upon sigh and moved his remaining bishop instead.
I smoothed a hand down my face to conceal my grin. Whatever Simon had been about to do with that queen would have been bad for me, I was sure. Even better, now that I’d made him flinch once, I knew how to do it again. A studied slouch to my posture, a certain gleam in my eye at the right time, and he was lost. Five moves later, Simon used his stubby pointer finger to tip over his king, then slumped back in his chair, staring at the board and wondering when, exactly, things had gone so wrong.
The moderator, who’d been struggling to stay awake while watching the progress of the game from a chair a few feet away, didn’t realize at first what had happened. It was only when I stood to shake Simon’s hand that his eyes widened and he leapt to his feet. He cleared his throat and announced, “Shale Peterson is the winner!”
The audience burst into a smattering of applause. Most of the parents headed eagerly for the exits, their disheartened children by their sides. A few came across the gymnasium floor to offer their congratulations, Mrs. Mendez foremost among them. She seemed to bounce with each step, beaming with astonished pride.
“I can’t believe it,” she told me, near tears. “I’m so proud of you, Shale.”
She seized me by the arm, her hands like pincers, and pulled me toward the mob of well-wishers and enthusiasts. They congratulated me and shook my hand and used a lot of chess terms I didn’t know.
“However did you think to set that trap for his knight?” one man asked.
I shrugged. “Intuition?”
They all laughed.
“Well, I knew all along that she would go far,” Mrs. Mendez kept saying, arm around my shoulders. “One of my best students, you know.” She winked and tapped my forehead with one long-nailed finger. “Mind like a steel trap.”
I didn’t much care for public attention—that wasn’t the reason I was so competitive—and the approbation from my fans quickly became too much. I tried to step back but found myself held in place by Mrs. Mendez’s iron grip. She was conversing so enthusiastically with a young man holding a notepad—a news reporter, perhaps—that she didn’t seem to have noticed my attempt to move.
Finally I smiled awkwardly and told the group, “Excuse me, I need to grab a drink of water.” With a twist of my body only possible because I was a tae kwon do student, I slipped out from under Mrs. Mendez’s arm and made my escape.
The water fountain was in an alcove out of sight of the main floor and for a few minutes I just leaned against the sticky wall with my eyes closed, feeling oddly tired. I could hear the murmur of voices and the squeaks of tennis shoes against the laminated wooden floor. After a moment I realized that I really was thirsty and held down the round metal button, only to watch in annoyance as a dribble of water seeped half-heartedly from the spout.
“Some might say that that was bad sportsmanship.” The voice came from behind me, and was rich and deep and sounded like it should have had a British accent.
I jerked with surprise, banging my hip painfully against the fountain as I spun around to face the man who had spoken. He was very tall, and handsome in a way-too-old-for-me kind of way, with a firm jaw and a full head of thick black hair that had a hint of white at the edges. His suit looked expensive, not that I was any kind of judge. A half-smile played along his lips. He had the most extraordinary grey eyes—piercing and intelligent and unsettling.
Suddenly chilled, I rubbed my arms, feeling goose bumps.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, leaning away from him and setting my chin in that stubborn way my mother hated. “I never broke the rules.”
I wasn’t sure why he made me feel so uncomfortable. We were in a public place; if I raised my voice there was a crowd of people who would rush to my aid.
“I never said you did,” he said. “Nor am I chastising you. That was well done.”
Oh. That was unexpected. And didn’t make me any better. “Thanks.” He seemed to be waiting for me to say something else, and at last I blurted, “Are you some kind of chess talent scout or something? Because I’m not interested.”
He laughed and shook his head. “I’m a scout, of sorts, but not of chess,” he said.
His hands were empty, but he gave his right hand a little flourish and suddenly he was holding a business card between his index and middle finger. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I was a little too old to be impressed by magic tricks. He held out the card and I took it, tucking it into the pocket of my jeans without looking at it.
“I’m Grey. Grey Koniges,” he said, keeping his hand out.
The name sent a strange little tingle down my spine. It felt like a warning.
I hesitated. In most situations I didn’t go around giving my name to strangers. Of course, that caution seemed silly given the way my name, in bold, capital letters, was currently being pinned at the top of the tournament chart for all to see.
“Shale,” I said, taking his hand, which was pleasantly warm, and making sure that my grip was as strong as his.
“Interesting name,” he said.
I nodded, extracting my hand from his. There was the briefest moment of resistance, as if he didn’t want to let me go.
“Isn’t it, though. It was nice to meet you.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and began to walk away.
“Weren’t you going to have a drink?” he called after me.
I turned back, my eyes narrowed. “The fountain doesn’t work.”
“Oh?” He leaned over the water fountain, pressed the button, and took a long, slow gulp as sparkling water arched from the spout.
I was sixteen years old the first time I met Grey Koniges, at a high school chess tournament in a crappy gym on a dreary day.
The bleachers were less than a quarter full, only the most tenacious of parents and contenders staying to watch the championship match. They shifted constantly under the fluorescent lights, searching for a comfortable position on the hard benches. Many stifled yawns, and a few grandparents and small children were asleep. One father’s pockets bulged with cash he’d gotten from selling the puzzles in his sudoku book to other parents for five dollars a piece; but all of the puzzles had been solved hours before and now all there was to do was wait, and watch. The only sounds were the recurring sniffle of a child with a bad cold and the light patter of rain against the roof and high, grimy windows.
Down on the main floor, folding card tables were arranged in a neat grid across the lines of the basketball court. All except one were laden with finished games, pawns discarded, queens attacking, kings fallen. Abandoned battlefields.
It had been a long day.
I wasn’t particularly good at chess. I had the potential to be, since I was intelligent enough and had been told—both by people who liked me and those who did not—that I had an aggressive and cunning mind. However, I lacked the interest or the patience. Protracted battles weren’t my thing. The only reason I was there at all was to get a few points extra credit from my math teacher, Mrs. Mendez, which would push my grade from a tenuous B- to a solid B.
Before the tournament, Mrs. Mendez had pulled me away from the chess team, whose pimply, super-intelligent members were somewhat skeptical about my participation, to reassure me that I wasn’t expected to win and that I should “just try to have a good time.”
Mrs. Mendez was new to the school. She didn’t know me well. She didn’t know that I didn’t start things if I thought I would do poorly in them, and I never, ever lost.
It was the last round of the tournament, and I was winning.
My opponent was a boy several years younger than me, small for his age, with thick glasses and thin limbs. I’d forgotten his name, but he looked like a Simon.
Simon had obviously skipped a few grades. As Mrs. Mendez had told me in an excited whisper, he’d blown through all of his previous games more quickly than was strictly polite. I, on the other hand, had won my previous five rounds through sheer determination and the occasional lucky guess.
Simon’s face was pinched as he examined our board, contemplating his next move. I had fewer pieces left than he did, but while most of his were pawns, most of mine weren’t. Finally he reached forward, setting one small hand on his queen, the beginnings of a grin on his face that I did not like at all. I could practically hear the audience take a collective deep breath.
“I’m going to win, you know,” I said, tapping one of my murdered pawns lightly against the edge of the table.
Simon blinked and pulled his hand away. The audience exhaled. “Oh yeah?” He tilted his head and squinted at me suspiciously.
“Yeah,” I said, leaning back in my squeaky chair and crossing my arms over my chest. I ignored the ache in my back from sitting in one position too long. “You know why?”
He twitched, his eyes darting from my face to the board and back again. “Why?”
I smirked. “Because I know exactly what you’re going to do next. You’re predictable. It’ll be all too easy.”
Come on, kid. Mess up, I thought intently.
“We’ll see about that,” he blustered, but now his forehead was furrowed and there was fear in his eyes. He reached for the queen again, his hand hovering over her. He stayed like that for almost a minute before he let out a put-upon sigh and moved his remaining bishop instead.
I smoothed a hand down my face to conceal my grin. Whatever Simon had been about to do with that queen would have been bad for me, I was sure. Even better, now that I’d made him flinch once, I knew how to do it again. A studied slouch to my posture, a certain gleam in my eye at the right time, and he was lost. Five moves later, Simon used his stubby pointer finger to tip over his king, then slumped back in his chair, staring at the board and wondering when, exactly, things had gone so wrong.
The moderator, who’d been struggling to stay awake while watching the progress of the game from a chair a few feet away, didn’t realize at first what had happened. It was only when I stood to shake Simon’s hand that his eyes widened and he leapt to his feet. He cleared his throat and announced, “Shale Peterson is the winner!”
The audience burst into a smattering of applause. Most of the parents headed eagerly for the exits, their disheartened children by their sides. A few came across the gymnasium floor to offer their congratulations, Mrs. Mendez foremost among them. She seemed to bounce with each step, beaming with astonished pride.
“I can’t believe it,” she told me, near tears. “I’m so proud of you, Shale.”
She seized me by the arm, her hands like pincers, and pulled me toward the mob of well-wishers and enthusiasts. They congratulated me and shook my hand and used a lot of chess terms I didn’t know.
“However did you think to set that trap for his knight?” one man asked.
I shrugged. “Intuition?”
They all laughed.
“Well, I knew all along that she would go far,” Mrs. Mendez kept saying, arm around my shoulders. “One of my best students, you know.” She winked and tapped my forehead with one long-nailed finger. “Mind like a steel trap.”
I didn’t much care for public attention—that wasn’t the reason I was so competitive—and the approbation from my fans quickly became too much. I tried to step back but found myself held in place by Mrs. Mendez’s iron grip. She was conversing so enthusiastically with a young man holding a notepad—a news reporter, perhaps—that she didn’t seem to have noticed my attempt to move.
Finally I smiled awkwardly and told the group, “Excuse me, I need to grab a drink of water.” With a twist of my body only possible because I was a tae kwon do student, I slipped out from under Mrs. Mendez’s arm and made my escape.
The water fountain was in an alcove out of sight of the main floor and for a few minutes I just leaned against the sticky wall with my eyes closed, feeling oddly tired. I could hear the murmur of voices and the squeaks of tennis shoes against the laminated wooden floor. After a moment I realized that I really was thirsty and held down the round metal button, only to watch in annoyance as a dribble of water seeped half-heartedly from the spout.
“Some might say that that was bad sportsmanship.” The voice came from behind me, and was rich and deep and sounded like it should have had a British accent.
I jerked with surprise, banging my hip painfully against the fountain as I spun around to face the man who had spoken. He was very tall, and handsome in a way-too-old-for-me kind of way, with a firm jaw and a full head of thick black hair that had a hint of white at the edges. His suit looked expensive, not that I was any kind of judge. A half-smile played along his lips. He had the most extraordinary grey eyes—piercing and intelligent and unsettling.
Suddenly chilled, I rubbed my arms, feeling goose bumps.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, leaning away from him and setting my chin in that stubborn way my mother hated. “I never broke the rules.”
I wasn’t sure why he made me feel so uncomfortable. We were in a public place; if I raised my voice there was a crowd of people who would rush to my aid.
“I never said you did,” he said. “Nor am I chastising you. That was well done.”
Oh. That was unexpected. And didn’t make me any better. “Thanks.” He seemed to be waiting for me to say something else, and at last I blurted, “Are you some kind of chess talent scout or something? Because I’m not interested.”
He laughed and shook his head. “I’m a scout, of sorts, but not of chess,” he said.
His hands were empty, but he gave his right hand a little flourish and suddenly he was holding a business card between his index and middle finger. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I was a little too old to be impressed by magic tricks. He held out the card and I took it, tucking it into the pocket of my jeans without looking at it.
“I’m Grey. Grey Koniges,” he said, keeping his hand out.
The name sent a strange little tingle down my spine. It felt like a warning.
I hesitated. In most situations I didn’t go around giving my name to strangers. Of course, that caution seemed silly given the way my name, in bold, capital letters, was currently being pinned at the top of the tournament chart for all to see.
“Shale,” I said, taking his hand, which was pleasantly warm, and making sure that my grip was as strong as his.
“Interesting name,” he said.
I nodded, extracting my hand from his. There was the briefest moment of resistance, as if he didn’t want to let me go.
“Isn’t it, though. It was nice to meet you.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and began to walk away.
“Weren’t you going to have a drink?” he called after me.
I turned back, my eyes narrowed. “The fountain doesn’t work.”
“Oh?” He leaned over the water fountain, pressed the button, and took a long, slow gulp as sparkling water arched from the spout.
QUERY- SOUTH BEACH STAR (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Jamie Kidd, a thirty-something writer, thinks life is sweet until he wakes to discover that his business partner and secret lover has left town after emptying the company bank account which leaves him heartbroken, penniless, and somewhat suicidal. Jamie opts for a new life and escapes to the infamous South Beach where he finds fleeting success and celebrity as a nightlife columnist for SOUTH BEACH STAR where his star burns brightly but eventually falls from the sky.
Without looking back, Jamie Kidd leaves the small Virginia town that he called home for the past six years. Heartbroken and drowning in despair, Jamie can barely face himself, much less his family or friends who know nothing of his hidden relationship. Packing in the middle of the night for a new life, Jamie drives until he lands in Miami. Feeling out of place in the tropical paradise known as South Beach, Jamie discovers a town where beauty and wealth outclass talent and skill. After a chance meeting with the gregarious editor of SOUTH BEACH STAR, a trendy tabloid staffed with a motley crew of competitive social-climbers, Jamie lands a job as editorial assistant. As promised writing assignments never material, Jamie turns an invitation to a VIP party into an opportunity. His coverage of the celebrity party proves Jamie’s talent and secures him the position as the STAR’s weekly nightlife columnist and toast of the town.
South Beach opens its arms and doors to Jamie, who, like an actor taking on a new role, throws himself into his fabulous new lifestyle covering the infamous celebrity-studded party scene where he nightly mingles with beautiful shallow fashionistas, famous models, and wealthy jet-setters. Not accustomed to being fabulous or a party boy, Jamie transforms himself into the nightlife aficionado named “Kidd” with bleached hair, designer fashions, celebrity friends and invitations to every party in town. His coveted lifestyle, in reality, is an out-of-control roller-coaster ride of late-night-parties and photo-ops, fueled by his gradual addiction to crystal meth. Like many before him, Jamie loses control and finds himself jobless, lonely, and in a situation far worse than the one he had left in Virginia. With the gutter looming ahead, his former lover arrives unexpectedly, offering Jamie a job as a writer in New York but he eventually returns to South Beach.
As a South Beach nightlife columnist, I covered the waterfront (low tide and high) from 1995 to 2006. I moved to Miami from Virginia, where I was the editor of a statewide arts & entertainment publication. For over ten years, I covered South Beach nightlife for several publications including the weekly tabloids The Wire and Sunpost. I’ve also been a contributing writer for publications such as V Magazine, ZED Magazine, Miamigo, Ocean Drive, Genre, Fashion Times, Miami Metro, Where Magazine, LRM, Where Guestbook, Public Magazine, Ego Trip, and the Miami Herald. SOUTH BEACH STAR is approximately 65,000 words.
Click here to read the first revision.
Jamie Kidd, a thirty-something writer, thinks life is sweet until he wakes to discover that his business partner and secret lover has left town after emptying the company bank account which leaves him heartbroken, penniless, and somewhat suicidal. Jamie opts for a new life and escapes to the infamous South Beach where he finds fleeting success and celebrity as a nightlife columnist for SOUTH BEACH STAR where his star burns brightly but eventually falls from the sky.
Without looking back, Jamie Kidd leaves the small Virginia town that he called home for the past six years. Heartbroken and drowning in despair, Jamie can barely face himself, much less his family or friends who know nothing of his hidden relationship. Packing in the middle of the night for a new life, Jamie drives until he lands in Miami. Feeling out of place in the tropical paradise known as South Beach, Jamie discovers a town where beauty and wealth outclass talent and skill. After a chance meeting with the gregarious editor of SOUTH BEACH STAR, a trendy tabloid staffed with a motley crew of competitive social-climbers, Jamie lands a job as editorial assistant. As promised writing assignments never material, Jamie turns an invitation to a VIP party into an opportunity. His coverage of the celebrity party proves Jamie’s talent and secures him the position as the STAR’s weekly nightlife columnist and toast of the town.
South Beach opens its arms and doors to Jamie, who, like an actor taking on a new role, throws himself into his fabulous new lifestyle covering the infamous celebrity-studded party scene where he nightly mingles with beautiful shallow fashionistas, famous models, and wealthy jet-setters. Not accustomed to being fabulous or a party boy, Jamie transforms himself into the nightlife aficionado named “Kidd” with bleached hair, designer fashions, celebrity friends and invitations to every party in town. His coveted lifestyle, in reality, is an out-of-control roller-coaster ride of late-night-parties and photo-ops, fueled by his gradual addiction to crystal meth. Like many before him, Jamie loses control and finds himself jobless, lonely, and in a situation far worse than the one he had left in Virginia. With the gutter looming ahead, his former lover arrives unexpectedly, offering Jamie a job as a writer in New York but he eventually returns to South Beach.
As a South Beach nightlife columnist, I covered the waterfront (low tide and high) from 1995 to 2006. I moved to Miami from Virginia, where I was the editor of a statewide arts & entertainment publication. For over ten years, I covered South Beach nightlife for several publications including the weekly tabloids The Wire and Sunpost. I’ve also been a contributing writer for publications such as V Magazine, ZED Magazine, Miamigo, Ocean Drive, Genre, Fashion Times, Miami Metro, Where Magazine, LRM, Where Guestbook, Public Magazine, Ego Trip, and the Miami Herald. SOUTH BEACH STAR is approximately 65,000 words.
Jul 8, 2009
QUERY- SOUTH BEACH STAR (Revision 1)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read revision 2.
Jamie Kidd, a thirty-something writer, thinks life is sweet until he wakes to discover that his business partner and secret lover has left town after emptying the company bank account which leaves him heartbroken, penniless, and somewhat suicidal, so he escapes to the infamous South Beach where he finds fleeting success and celebrity as a nightlife columnist for SOUTH BEACH STAR but falls victim to a life of debauchery.
Jamie Kidd left his heart in the small Virginia town that he called home for the past six years. Heartbroken and drowning in despair, Jamie could barely face himself or deal with being dumped by his secret lover, so he packed his car and drove until he landed in Miami. Jamie felt out of place in the tropical paradise known as South Beach but found a job as an editor’s assistant at a local trendy tabloid staffed with a motley crew of competitive social-climbers. Promised writing assignments never materialized so Jamie turned an invitation to a VIP party into an opportunity and a job promotion. His coverage of the celebrity party transformed Jamie into a weekly nightlife columnist and toast of the town.
Jamie’s old life was quickly forgotten as he hurled himself into his fabulous new lifestyle covering the infamous celebrity-studded party scene where he nightly mingled with beautiful shallow fashionistas, famous models, and wealthy jet-setters. Not accustomed to being fabulous or a party boy, Jamie gradually morphed into a nightlife aficionado named “Kidd” with bleached hair, designer fashions, celebrity friends and invitations to every party in town. His coveted lifestyle, in reality an out-of-control roller coaster ride of late-night-parties and photo-ops, fueled by his addiction to crystal meth, soon crashed leaving him jobless, lonely, and in a situation far worse than the one he had left in Virginia. With the gutter looming ahead, his former lover arrives to save the day offering Jamie a job as a writer in New York.
As a South Beach nightlife columnist, I covered the waterfront (low tide and high) from 1995 to 2006. I moved to South Beach from Virginia where I was the editor of a statewide arts & entertainment publication. For over ten years, I covered South Beach nightlife for several publications including the weekly tabloids The Wire and Sunpost. I’ve been a contributing writer and photographer for publications such as Miamigo, Ocean Drive, D’Vox, Genre, SKIN, Contemporary Woman, Scoop, Groove, Fashion Times, Miami Metro, Where Magazine, LRM (Lincoln Road Magazine), Closer Magazine, MAP (Music Art People),Where Guestbook, Public Magazine, Ego Trip Magazine, and Miami Herald as well as websites like MiamiArtZine.com, cooljunkie.com and MiamiStar.com. SOUTH BEACH STAR is approximately 65,000 words.
Click here to read revision 2.
Jamie Kidd, a thirty-something writer, thinks life is sweet until he wakes to discover that his business partner and secret lover has left town after emptying the company bank account which leaves him heartbroken, penniless, and somewhat suicidal, so he escapes to the infamous South Beach where he finds fleeting success and celebrity as a nightlife columnist for SOUTH BEACH STAR but falls victim to a life of debauchery.
Jamie Kidd left his heart in the small Virginia town that he called home for the past six years. Heartbroken and drowning in despair, Jamie could barely face himself or deal with being dumped by his secret lover, so he packed his car and drove until he landed in Miami. Jamie felt out of place in the tropical paradise known as South Beach but found a job as an editor’s assistant at a local trendy tabloid staffed with a motley crew of competitive social-climbers. Promised writing assignments never materialized so Jamie turned an invitation to a VIP party into an opportunity and a job promotion. His coverage of the celebrity party transformed Jamie into a weekly nightlife columnist and toast of the town.
Jamie’s old life was quickly forgotten as he hurled himself into his fabulous new lifestyle covering the infamous celebrity-studded party scene where he nightly mingled with beautiful shallow fashionistas, famous models, and wealthy jet-setters. Not accustomed to being fabulous or a party boy, Jamie gradually morphed into a nightlife aficionado named “Kidd” with bleached hair, designer fashions, celebrity friends and invitations to every party in town. His coveted lifestyle, in reality an out-of-control roller coaster ride of late-night-parties and photo-ops, fueled by his addiction to crystal meth, soon crashed leaving him jobless, lonely, and in a situation far worse than the one he had left in Virginia. With the gutter looming ahead, his former lover arrives to save the day offering Jamie a job as a writer in New York.
As a South Beach nightlife columnist, I covered the waterfront (low tide and high) from 1995 to 2006. I moved to South Beach from Virginia where I was the editor of a statewide arts & entertainment publication. For over ten years, I covered South Beach nightlife for several publications including the weekly tabloids The Wire and Sunpost. I’ve been a contributing writer and photographer for publications such as Miamigo, Ocean Drive, D’Vox, Genre, SKIN, Contemporary Woman, Scoop, Groove, Fashion Times, Miami Metro, Where Magazine, LRM (Lincoln Road Magazine), Closer Magazine, MAP (Music Art People),Where Guestbook, Public Magazine, Ego Trip Magazine, and Miami Herald as well as websites like MiamiArtZine.com, cooljunkie.com and MiamiStar.com. SOUTH BEACH STAR is approximately 65,000 words.
Query-A Profusion of Want
Click here to read the first revision (Retitled as KINGMAKER).
Click here to read the sample pages.
Click here to read the second revision (KINGMAKER).
Dear [Agent],
When sixteen-year-old Shale Peterson really wants something to happen, it does. That’s how she wins every competition she enters, from tennis to chess. According to her soon-to-be stepfather Grey, it’s also the reason her mother Leah is still alive long after doctors say that a brain tumor should have killed her. Shale admires Grey, the head of an international corporation and the only person she’s ever known as strong-willed as she is. But she mistrusts him too—because he seems to care more about becoming Shale’s father than becoming Leah’s husband.
Bit by bit, Shale’s doubts melt away as Grey draws her into his world of power and possibilities, of duty and privilege—a world hidden in plain sight and filled with people who believe that willpower and magic are one and the same—a world which, unbeknownst to Shale, Grey intends for her to one day rule. Shortly after Grey and Leah leave on their honeymoon an attempt on Shale’s life lands her in the hospital, and repeated covert attacks after she is released prove that she’s not safe anywhere—and worse, that she can’t trust anyone. What galvanizes Shale to action, however, is not fear for her own life but for her mother’s: because Grey and Leah have disappeared on their honeymoon and Leah is still very sick.
Uncertain of whether her strong will really is a form of magic, Shale must overcome an unfamiliar enemy, doubt—because, magic or not, the only thing she can rely on now is her considerable willpower. With it, she’s going to lay a trap for her mysterious assassin, and she's going to ensure that they can never touch her again. With it, she is going to get Leah back.
And if they've hurt her mother? Shale is going to burn their world down.
A PROFUSION OF WANT is a young adult novel, complete at 80,000 words.
Click here to read the sample pages.
Click here to read the second revision (KINGMAKER).
Dear [Agent],
When sixteen-year-old Shale Peterson really wants something to happen, it does. That’s how she wins every competition she enters, from tennis to chess. According to her soon-to-be stepfather Grey, it’s also the reason her mother Leah is still alive long after doctors say that a brain tumor should have killed her. Shale admires Grey, the head of an international corporation and the only person she’s ever known as strong-willed as she is. But she mistrusts him too—because he seems to care more about becoming Shale’s father than becoming Leah’s husband.
Bit by bit, Shale’s doubts melt away as Grey draws her into his world of power and possibilities, of duty and privilege—a world hidden in plain sight and filled with people who believe that willpower and magic are one and the same—a world which, unbeknownst to Shale, Grey intends for her to one day rule. Shortly after Grey and Leah leave on their honeymoon an attempt on Shale’s life lands her in the hospital, and repeated covert attacks after she is released prove that she’s not safe anywhere—and worse, that she can’t trust anyone. What galvanizes Shale to action, however, is not fear for her own life but for her mother’s: because Grey and Leah have disappeared on their honeymoon and Leah is still very sick.
Uncertain of whether her strong will really is a form of magic, Shale must overcome an unfamiliar enemy, doubt—because, magic or not, the only thing she can rely on now is her considerable willpower. With it, she’s going to lay a trap for her mysterious assassin, and she's going to ensure that they can never touch her again. With it, she is going to get Leah back.
And if they've hurt her mother? Shale is going to burn their world down.
A PROFUSION OF WANT is a young adult novel, complete at 80,000 words.
QUERY- SOUTH BEACH STAR
A revision of this query has been posted, click here to read it. It's the same one posted in the comments below.
Click here to read revision 2.
ATTN: AGENT
To become a star is everyone’s dream. To become a star in New York you have to make it on Broadway, in Hollywood you need a hit television show or a top grossing movie, in Milan you have to be a world renowned fashion designer but in South Beach everyone, well practically everyone, thinks that he or she is already a star or at least has dreams to become one. South Beach, the home of the beautiful, flamboyant and fabulous, was once the playground of models, celebrities, playboys, drag queens, gay circuit boys and millionaires. Today the party is over, well almost, and the developers have taken over, but in 1996 everyone was a star and the parties were incredible. And I was at every party.
As a South Beach nightlife columnist, I covered the waterfront (low tide and high) from 1995 to 2006. I survived the millions of air kisses and late night parties but like a war correspondent I have plenty of memories and scars. I’ve written an adventurous fictional tell-all of the real behind the scenes South Beach. They say that truth is often more unbelievable than fiction but while much of this story rings true it’s pure fiction. Or possibly it’s all true as my memory has been warped by years of living in a world where lies passed as truth. Fantasy or reality, it didn’t really matter as everyone looked great and I had a great time. Or did I?
SOUTH BEACH STAR is a fictional account of a nightlife writer’s adventures in wonderland and is filled with quirky characters reminiscent of Holly Golightly of BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S and Little Kiwi from Ethan Mordden’s BUDDIES. Imagine THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA but the main character gets a job as a nightlife writer and suddenly finds himself fighting to survive in BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG CITY while partying with the crew from CELBUTANTES. SOUTH BEACH STAR is approximately 64,942 words.
Click here to read revision 2.
ATTN: AGENT
To become a star is everyone’s dream. To become a star in New York you have to make it on Broadway, in Hollywood you need a hit television show or a top grossing movie, in Milan you have to be a world renowned fashion designer but in South Beach everyone, well practically everyone, thinks that he or she is already a star or at least has dreams to become one. South Beach, the home of the beautiful, flamboyant and fabulous, was once the playground of models, celebrities, playboys, drag queens, gay circuit boys and millionaires. Today the party is over, well almost, and the developers have taken over, but in 1996 everyone was a star and the parties were incredible. And I was at every party.
As a South Beach nightlife columnist, I covered the waterfront (low tide and high) from 1995 to 2006. I survived the millions of air kisses and late night parties but like a war correspondent I have plenty of memories and scars. I’ve written an adventurous fictional tell-all of the real behind the scenes South Beach. They say that truth is often more unbelievable than fiction but while much of this story rings true it’s pure fiction. Or possibly it’s all true as my memory has been warped by years of living in a world where lies passed as truth. Fantasy or reality, it didn’t really matter as everyone looked great and I had a great time. Or did I?
SOUTH BEACH STAR is a fictional account of a nightlife writer’s adventures in wonderland and is filled with quirky characters reminiscent of Holly Golightly of BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S and Little Kiwi from Ethan Mordden’s BUDDIES. Imagine THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA but the main character gets a job as a nightlife writer and suddenly finds himself fighting to survive in BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG CITY while partying with the crew from CELBUTANTES. SOUTH BEACH STAR is approximately 64,942 words.
Agent Interview- Jessica Faust of BookEnds, LLC
Attention Slushpile Readers:
Jessica Faust, a literary agent with BookEnds, LLC, was gracious enough with her time to respond to an interview request. Thank you Jessica!
She also maintains the BookEnds blog, which is well worth your time (if you are not already a regular reader...I see some of your names in the comments regularly.)
So without further ado...
1. What is the most recent novel you’ve read (that was not directly
related to your job as an agent)? I’ve actually just started My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult. I’m embarrassed to say this has been sitting on my nightstand since the book was first published and I’m just now getting around to it.
2. What did you like best about that book? So far the best I can say is that her writing is really amazing.
3. What is the most challenging aspect of your job these days? I think it’s keeping all of the balls in the air. My inbox right now has 300+ unanswered emails and there are a stack of requested proposals sitting in my office. Unfortunately, those all have to wait while I work with my clients to revise and edit their proposals and manuscripts (sometimes multiple times), negotiate and review contracts, and generally answer any and all questions they might have. Of course, adding the blog to my daily to-do list certainly doesn’t help keep my schedule light, but it’s something I love so I think I’ll keep it.
4. What is the most rewarding aspect of your job, overall? It’s that I get to do what I love every single day. As a child I loved nothing more then losing myself in a book and now I get paid to do just that. I admire writers because I know I don’t have the fortitude to sit and put 100,000 words on paper and have them make sense so in my mind I get to do the next best thing and it appeals more to my strengths, I get to be the right hand woman to those writers and really work with them to make their dreams become reality.
5. How do the following factors influence the genres you rep:
- Network of editors you know While there’s no doubt that comes into play the truth is that I don’t worry about it too much. If I really love a project I can always add new editors to my network and I do on a daily basis.
- Current / anticipated market conditions To some degree. Certainly, when erotic romance first started to hit big I was lucky enough to have seen it coming and have a couple of really great authors in my stable ready to go. However, as I will always say, we can’t write or agent to the market so while I’m less likely to take on a book if I think the market might be tough, if the book is really great I’m going to go for it anyway.
- Personal reading preference I think this is probably the greatest influence, but what I think authors need to understand is that it’s different then say, your personal reading preference. What I read for pleasure and how I read for work are two very different things. When I say personal reading preference with my agent hat on I mean books that I enjoy, that I get excited about and that I think I can sell. It doesn’t necessarily mean a book I can just curl up on my couch and read. That would be too easy.
Jessica Faust, a literary agent with BookEnds, LLC, was gracious enough with her time to respond to an interview request. Thank you Jessica!
She also maintains the BookEnds blog, which is well worth your time (if you are not already a regular reader...I see some of your names in the comments regularly.)
So without further ado...
1. What is the most recent novel you’ve read (that was not directly
related to your job as an agent)? I’ve actually just started My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult. I’m embarrassed to say this has been sitting on my nightstand since the book was first published and I’m just now getting around to it.
2. What did you like best about that book? So far the best I can say is that her writing is really amazing.
3. What is the most challenging aspect of your job these days? I think it’s keeping all of the balls in the air. My inbox right now has 300+ unanswered emails and there are a stack of requested proposals sitting in my office. Unfortunately, those all have to wait while I work with my clients to revise and edit their proposals and manuscripts (sometimes multiple times), negotiate and review contracts, and generally answer any and all questions they might have. Of course, adding the blog to my daily to-do list certainly doesn’t help keep my schedule light, but it’s something I love so I think I’ll keep it.
4. What is the most rewarding aspect of your job, overall? It’s that I get to do what I love every single day. As a child I loved nothing more then losing myself in a book and now I get paid to do just that. I admire writers because I know I don’t have the fortitude to sit and put 100,000 words on paper and have them make sense so in my mind I get to do the next best thing and it appeals more to my strengths, I get to be the right hand woman to those writers and really work with them to make their dreams become reality.
5. How do the following factors influence the genres you rep:
- Network of editors you know While there’s no doubt that comes into play the truth is that I don’t worry about it too much. If I really love a project I can always add new editors to my network and I do on a daily basis.
- Current / anticipated market conditions To some degree. Certainly, when erotic romance first started to hit big I was lucky enough to have seen it coming and have a couple of really great authors in my stable ready to go. However, as I will always say, we can’t write or agent to the market so while I’m less likely to take on a book if I think the market might be tough, if the book is really great I’m going to go for it anyway.
- Personal reading preference I think this is probably the greatest influence, but what I think authors need to understand is that it’s different then say, your personal reading preference. What I read for pleasure and how I read for work are two very different things. When I say personal reading preference with my agent hat on I mean books that I enjoy, that I get excited about and that I think I can sell. It doesn’t necessarily mean a book I can just curl up on my couch and read. That would be too easy.
AMELIA'S MONSTERS SAMPLE PAGES
Click here to read the queries. Link goes to the revision, and the original is linked there.
So in the next coming months I’m going to finish polishing up my manuscript and send out the query letter to see what happens.
To make sure I’m heading in the right direction, I thought it would be a good idea to post the first few pages on here for all you wonderful people to view and critique. So here it is and thank you for your time and comments.
CHAPTER 1:
Monsters were following her right now. Amelia knew it. It didn’t matter where she went, or how far she traveled; they were following her, like wolves on the hunt. Daylight could only last for so long, and once it ended, and night took control of the day, she knew they would find her and continue to terrorize her from inside her closet.
Amelia rolled down the window and stuck her head out a little ways, the rushing wind drying out her eyes, causing them to water a little. Houses whizzed by her like a slideshow that showcased the city’s richness. Bright blue and yellow houses seemed as if they were going to collide with one another as the car drove by them. Sprinklers chattered in an attempt to keep the lawns quenched and satisfied from the summer’s heat. At first glance it seemed as if things were going to be different here for her and her family, but Amelia knew this wasn’t the case.
The car rolled up to a stop sign and Amelia pulled her head back into the car, tucking her brown hair behind her ears.
“You’re going to like it here,” Amelia’s dad said, peering through the rearview mirror.
Amelia looked back outside the window at the next row of houses that stretched out like a tie-dye wall on the other side of the intersection. She turned and looked at her cousin Lily sitting next to her and gave her a nervous smile. Lily tried to do the same, but it came out more like a twitch than a smile.
“Beautiful neighborhood, nice people, and a peaceful atmosphere,” Amelia’s dad continued to say. “Just what you two need.”
Amelia thought maybe this was what they needed. They grew up in the city—only five houses away from one another—where car alarms sounded, music blasted from nearby houses, and people screamed at one another. It was stressful and it didn’t help her or her cousin’s problems. The neighborhood did look quiet and peaceful; Amelia gave it that much.
Amelia turned once more to Lily and said, “Are you ok?”
Lily hadn’t said a word since they had gotten in the car, and that was over two hours ago. She turned to Amelia, brushed some of her blonde hair away from her eyes, and just nodded at Amelia.
Lily had always been quiet, and she kept to herself most of the time. The therapist tried to get her to talk, but she never said a word. When Amelia had sat on the couch in the waiting room of Dr. Ivan’s office, she could hear bits of Dr. Ivan’s conversation with Lily from inside his office. And from what Amelia could gather from listening, Dr. Ivan had seemed to do most of the talking, and not once did she hear Lily’s quiet chatter. The only time Amelia really heard Lily was when she had shifted in the squeaky black leather chair.
Amelia turned away from Lily and pressed the button to roll down the window, the soft electric hum ruining the silence as the window scrolled down till it slipped between its thin rubber doors.
There weren’t a lot of trees around, Amelia noticed, and she didn’t know how to feel about it. Her father told her that Evelyn Heights was a gated community and it was a lot different from their previous homes and neighborhoods. Here, Amelia noted, different must mean the same. It seemed the more they moved the less and less unique the neighborhoods became.
Before the monsters began to lurk in her closet and conceal themselves in the shadows of her room, and before they ever thought about moving, they had lived in a town where houses were all different shapes and colors and trees surrounded their old home. All day she would roam through the woods, looking at birds, bugs, and insects, inspecting dead trees and holes in the ground.
Of course, she didn’t do that anymore.
So in the next coming months I’m going to finish polishing up my manuscript and send out the query letter to see what happens.
To make sure I’m heading in the right direction, I thought it would be a good idea to post the first few pages on here for all you wonderful people to view and critique. So here it is and thank you for your time and comments.
CHAPTER 1:
Monsters were following her right now. Amelia knew it. It didn’t matter where she went, or how far she traveled; they were following her, like wolves on the hunt. Daylight could only last for so long, and once it ended, and night took control of the day, she knew they would find her and continue to terrorize her from inside her closet.
Amelia rolled down the window and stuck her head out a little ways, the rushing wind drying out her eyes, causing them to water a little. Houses whizzed by her like a slideshow that showcased the city’s richness. Bright blue and yellow houses seemed as if they were going to collide with one another as the car drove by them. Sprinklers chattered in an attempt to keep the lawns quenched and satisfied from the summer’s heat. At first glance it seemed as if things were going to be different here for her and her family, but Amelia knew this wasn’t the case.
The car rolled up to a stop sign and Amelia pulled her head back into the car, tucking her brown hair behind her ears.
“You’re going to like it here,” Amelia’s dad said, peering through the rearview mirror.
Amelia looked back outside the window at the next row of houses that stretched out like a tie-dye wall on the other side of the intersection. She turned and looked at her cousin Lily sitting next to her and gave her a nervous smile. Lily tried to do the same, but it came out more like a twitch than a smile.
“Beautiful neighborhood, nice people, and a peaceful atmosphere,” Amelia’s dad continued to say. “Just what you two need.”
Amelia thought maybe this was what they needed. They grew up in the city—only five houses away from one another—where car alarms sounded, music blasted from nearby houses, and people screamed at one another. It was stressful and it didn’t help her or her cousin’s problems. The neighborhood did look quiet and peaceful; Amelia gave it that much.
Amelia turned once more to Lily and said, “Are you ok?”
Lily hadn’t said a word since they had gotten in the car, and that was over two hours ago. She turned to Amelia, brushed some of her blonde hair away from her eyes, and just nodded at Amelia.
Lily had always been quiet, and she kept to herself most of the time. The therapist tried to get her to talk, but she never said a word. When Amelia had sat on the couch in the waiting room of Dr. Ivan’s office, she could hear bits of Dr. Ivan’s conversation with Lily from inside his office. And from what Amelia could gather from listening, Dr. Ivan had seemed to do most of the talking, and not once did she hear Lily’s quiet chatter. The only time Amelia really heard Lily was when she had shifted in the squeaky black leather chair.
Amelia turned away from Lily and pressed the button to roll down the window, the soft electric hum ruining the silence as the window scrolled down till it slipped between its thin rubber doors.
There weren’t a lot of trees around, Amelia noticed, and she didn’t know how to feel about it. Her father told her that Evelyn Heights was a gated community and it was a lot different from their previous homes and neighborhoods. Here, Amelia noted, different must mean the same. It seemed the more they moved the less and less unique the neighborhoods became.
Before the monsters began to lurk in her closet and conceal themselves in the shadows of her room, and before they ever thought about moving, they had lived in a town where houses were all different shapes and colors and trees surrounded their old home. All day she would roam through the woods, looking at birds, bugs, and insects, inspecting dead trees and holes in the ground.
Of course, she didn’t do that anymore.
Jul 7, 2009
Sample Pages - Quest Support
Click here to read the original query.
Hi all,
I've started sending out query letters for Quest Support, but haven't gotten any partial or full requests yet. I'm happy with the query itself, so I'm wondering if perhaps my sample pages could be the weak link in my submissions. I've posted the first few pages below for critiquing. Thanks!
Chapter One: In Which, Appropriately Enough, the Story Begins
Well, this week could have gone better, thought Gilbert as his head hit the pavement. “Is that any way to treat a veteran employee?” he groaned. Losing his job and possibly dooming the entire world was bad enough, but this was just insulting. The troll who had flung him out into the street only grunted. “Fine, be that way!” Gilbert picked himself up, grabbed his bag and stomped off. His life had been ruined so fast it made his head spin. Yesterday that was me, he thought to himself as he glanced through a window at a man in a cubicle. That had been when this whole mess started….
The magic mirror rang again. Gilbert adjusted his headset and hit the "talk" button on the mirror's frame. "Thank you for calling Quest Support my name is Gilbert how may I help you today?" he said as the image of a wrinkled old wizard appeared in the mirror.
"Is this the, uh, Quest Support place?" the wizard asked.
I just said it was, idiot! thought Gilbert. Out loud he said, "Yes, it is. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, who are you?"
"My name is Gilbert. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, I found this ring."
"And?" prompted Gilbert.
"Uh, I found it on a skeleton in a cave."
"Are you trying to find out what it does?"
"Uh, I thought you might know."
"Could you show it to me?"
"Uh?"
Gilbert sighed. "The ring - could you show it to me? Hold it up to your Quest Orb so I can see it."
"Oh. Hold on." The wizard turned away from Gilbert and rummaged through a battered backpack. "Here it is," he said finally, holding up a plain brass ring.
"Okay," said Gilbert. "Does it have any distinguishing features?"
"Like what?"
"Unusual markings, discolorations, inscriptions and so on."
"Hold on." The wizard squinted at the ring. "Uh, no, it hasn't got any."
"All right, let me look this up." With a quill pen, Gilbert scrawled a quick description of the ring on a piece of parchment on his desk in front of him. His writing vanished and the words "Please Wait" appeared as a powerful enchantment searched a list of every magical artifact QuestCo had ever catalogued. Within moments, several matches appeared on the parchment. "All right," said Gilbert, "here's what to do next: throw the ring in a fire. If any strange characters appear on it, it's a ring of invisibility. If not, give us a call back and we'll try to narrow it down further."
"Oh, uh," said the wizard.
"Thanks for calling, goodbye," said Gilbert, cutting him off. He hit the "talk" button again, and the wizard vanished.
Gilbert disentangled his headset from his unkempt straw-colored hair and laid it on his desk. Sure, he'd probably have to put it right back on, but the stupid thing got so uncomfortable after a few hours. Gilbert sighed and returned to the important business at hand. He had been trying to finish his cup of coffee for almost two hours, but kept getting interrupted by calls. These past few weeks had been dreadful, with the forces of Good massing for the final assault on the Citadel of the Dark Lord. With so much battling going on, Quest Support's mirrors were ringing nonstop with every type of caller from jittery apprentices who had forgotten how to activate their shielding robes to orc warlocks wanting clarification on some obscure point of demon-summoning protocol. Fortunately, it would all be over in a matter of days, with Good victorious and the world at peace, at least until the next Dark Lord arose.
Hi all,
I've started sending out query letters for Quest Support, but haven't gotten any partial or full requests yet. I'm happy with the query itself, so I'm wondering if perhaps my sample pages could be the weak link in my submissions. I've posted the first few pages below for critiquing. Thanks!
Chapter One: In Which, Appropriately Enough, the Story Begins
Well, this week could have gone better, thought Gilbert as his head hit the pavement. “Is that any way to treat a veteran employee?” he groaned. Losing his job and possibly dooming the entire world was bad enough, but this was just insulting. The troll who had flung him out into the street only grunted. “Fine, be that way!” Gilbert picked himself up, grabbed his bag and stomped off. His life had been ruined so fast it made his head spin. Yesterday that was me, he thought to himself as he glanced through a window at a man in a cubicle. That had been when this whole mess started….
The magic mirror rang again. Gilbert adjusted his headset and hit the "talk" button on the mirror's frame. "Thank you for calling Quest Support my name is Gilbert how may I help you today?" he said as the image of a wrinkled old wizard appeared in the mirror.
"Is this the, uh, Quest Support place?" the wizard asked.
I just said it was, idiot! thought Gilbert. Out loud he said, "Yes, it is. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, who are you?"
"My name is Gilbert. What can I help you with today?"
"Uh, I found this ring."
"And?" prompted Gilbert.
"Uh, I found it on a skeleton in a cave."
"Are you trying to find out what it does?"
"Uh, I thought you might know."
"Could you show it to me?"
"Uh?"
Gilbert sighed. "The ring - could you show it to me? Hold it up to your Quest Orb so I can see it."
"Oh. Hold on." The wizard turned away from Gilbert and rummaged through a battered backpack. "Here it is," he said finally, holding up a plain brass ring.
"Okay," said Gilbert. "Does it have any distinguishing features?"
"Like what?"
"Unusual markings, discolorations, inscriptions and so on."
"Hold on." The wizard squinted at the ring. "Uh, no, it hasn't got any."
"All right, let me look this up." With a quill pen, Gilbert scrawled a quick description of the ring on a piece of parchment on his desk in front of him. His writing vanished and the words "Please Wait" appeared as a powerful enchantment searched a list of every magical artifact QuestCo had ever catalogued. Within moments, several matches appeared on the parchment. "All right," said Gilbert, "here's what to do next: throw the ring in a fire. If any strange characters appear on it, it's a ring of invisibility. If not, give us a call back and we'll try to narrow it down further."
"Oh, uh," said the wizard.
"Thanks for calling, goodbye," said Gilbert, cutting him off. He hit the "talk" button again, and the wizard vanished.
Gilbert disentangled his headset from his unkempt straw-colored hair and laid it on his desk. Sure, he'd probably have to put it right back on, but the stupid thing got so uncomfortable after a few hours. Gilbert sighed and returned to the important business at hand. He had been trying to finish his cup of coffee for almost two hours, but kept getting interrupted by calls. These past few weeks had been dreadful, with the forces of Good massing for the final assault on the Citadel of the Dark Lord. With so much battling going on, Quest Support's mirrors were ringing nonstop with every type of caller from jittery apprentices who had forgotten how to activate their shielding robes to orc warlocks wanting clarification on some obscure point of demon-summoning protocol. Fortunately, it would all be over in a matter of days, with Good victorious and the world at peace, at least until the next Dark Lord arose.
QUERY- ANGEL’S FALL v.3
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 2.
Thanks so much for all your comments. You are all great! As appoint of information, I went back to the books original name, TWICE FALLEN, so don’t be confused. See how this flies.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is sent to earth to find and destroy fallen angels and their terrorist organizations. When a group of the Fallen bent on European domination gains control of Russia, he faces his biggest challenge. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of greater destruction from a second, more devastating bioweapon looms, Liam’s comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, TWICE FALLEN, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Click here to read version 2.
Thanks so much for all your comments. You are all great! As appoint of information, I went back to the books original name, TWICE FALLEN, so don’t be confused. See how this flies.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is sent to earth to find and destroy fallen angels and their terrorist organizations. When a group of the Fallen bent on European domination gains control of Russia, he faces his biggest challenge. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of greater destruction from a second, more devastating bioweapon looms, Liam’s comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, TWICE FALLEN, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Jul 6, 2009
Query Do's and Don'ts
The QueryTracker.net Blog has a great post today on query Do's and Don'ts. Click here to read it if you haven't seen it already!
QUERY- DEATH AND ME
Dear Agent,
Death follows Charlotte—literally. When an intoxicated Death had accidentally taken her family at the hospital, Death looses his job and is sentenced by his superiors to act as eleven-year-old Charlotte’s personal guardian. Under Death’s guidance, Charlotte finds herself leaving the orphanage accompanied by only Death and a piece of paper with five families looking to adopt her. Although each time a family is ready to sign the adoption papers, Death’s bad habits of gambling, drinking, and stealing gets the ever impressionable Charlotte into trouble, causing her to lose her chance at finding a family.
By the time they reach the final family, Death starts to feel attached and responsible for her. So when he seeks approval to become her permanent guardian, he must control his bad habits to become her legal guardian. The fifth and final family has other plans, though. They slowly begin to turn Charlotte against Death with a series of incriminating evidence that lands him in hot water with the local authorities and his superiors. Fearing he will lose Charlotte forever, Death must find a way to clear his name and win Charlotte back before the family signs the adoption papers.
DEATH AND ME is a quirky 95,000 word young adult novella.
Death follows Charlotte—literally. When an intoxicated Death had accidentally taken her family at the hospital, Death looses his job and is sentenced by his superiors to act as eleven-year-old Charlotte’s personal guardian. Under Death’s guidance, Charlotte finds herself leaving the orphanage accompanied by only Death and a piece of paper with five families looking to adopt her. Although each time a family is ready to sign the adoption papers, Death’s bad habits of gambling, drinking, and stealing gets the ever impressionable Charlotte into trouble, causing her to lose her chance at finding a family.
By the time they reach the final family, Death starts to feel attached and responsible for her. So when he seeks approval to become her permanent guardian, he must control his bad habits to become her legal guardian. The fifth and final family has other plans, though. They slowly begin to turn Charlotte against Death with a series of incriminating evidence that lands him in hot water with the local authorities and his superiors. Fearing he will lose Charlotte forever, Death must find a way to clear his name and win Charlotte back before the family signs the adoption papers.
DEATH AND ME is a quirky 95,000 word young adult novella.
Jul 5, 2009
Query:ANGEL’S FALL V.2
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is on earth to find and remove evil originating from a far darker source than any human can imagine. He faces his biggest challenge when Russia is taken over by a group of fallen angels bent on expanding their domination to all of Europe. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of even greater destruction looms, Liam’s angelic comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Click here to read version 3.
Dear Mr./Ms. X:
Liam Michaels, an archangel, is on earth to find and remove evil originating from a far darker source than any human can imagine. He faces his biggest challenge when Russia is taken over by a group of fallen angels bent on expanding their domination to all of Europe. As thousands die from a Russian bioweapon and the threat of even greater destruction looms, Liam’s angelic comrades question how an omnipotent God can allow such evil to exist. Liam faces a struggle to keep his companions in the fight, but the situation becomes desperate when he learns that the driving force behind Russia is his brother Lucifer, whose intent is the destruction of mankind.
My 80,000-word supernatural thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores the possibility of God's omnipotence and goodness in a world where evil prevails.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. I’m employed as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters on microbiology and molecular biology, this is my first novel.
Thank you for considering my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
QUERY - Zombie Love
Samantha Ridgeway loves her job as a tabloid reporter, but following the wrong story makes her a dead reporter. Dead until she’s the guinea pig in a bizarre experiment intended to save the life of spoiled heiress, Sierra Mallory. The only drawback to becoming the walking, talking undead, besides Sam’s never-ending appetite, is Sierra wants them to be BZFs (Best Zombies Forever) in her plot to take over the world.
Vampire Chief Enforcer Duncan St. James has his hands full investigating the disappearance of several of L.A.’s supernatural denizens. When a very nosy, very cute, and soon very dead reporter interferes, he has no choice but to keep her in arm’s reach – a situation he finds a little too tempting. Now if he can just keep Samantha from eating the brains of the very people he’s trying to save from the psycho zombie heiress who’s holding them prisoner…
ZOMBIE LOVE is a 90,000 word urban fantasy novel. I have attached the first five pages for your review.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden
***
I deliberately left out the bio paragraph. Y'all have seen it before and nothing's changed. Thanks!
Vampire Chief Enforcer Duncan St. James has his hands full investigating the disappearance of several of L.A.’s supernatural denizens. When a very nosy, very cute, and soon very dead reporter interferes, he has no choice but to keep her in arm’s reach – a situation he finds a little too tempting. Now if he can just keep Samantha from eating the brains of the very people he’s trying to save from the psycho zombie heiress who’s holding them prisoner…
ZOMBIE LOVE is a 90,000 word urban fantasy novel. I have attached the first five pages for your review.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely yours,
Suzan Harden
***
I deliberately left out the bio paragraph. Y'all have seen it before and nothing's changed. Thanks!
Synopsis-The Eternal Link
Click here to read the queries.
I've been having trouble with this. I started out with a sentence and expanded, but I'm still not sure about the clarity of it. I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar errors. I try to catch them all, but my mind doesn't quite work that way. Luckily I have an amazing editor I can send the nearly final draft of this too...when I get there.
Thanks in advance,
Jen
In the city of Ulcadia during the 30th century, fifteen-year old Catalina Cordova rushes past students popping in and out gut-wrenching transporters. Her heartbeat drums loudly in her head until she half leans, half falls against the cool hallway. Without warning, flames pour out from her eyes. For a moment, in the midst of screeching alarms and running students, a wave of relief calms her. Then, the world returns to focus and she remembers. They all toasted with the moon drink. One friend is dead. Another is in the hospital. And she doesn’t have a scratch on her.
After the accident, Catalina’s adoptive parents call for her return to the decaying house she once called home. But adjusting to life with those who betrayed her by sending her away proves difficult. So what if she acts a little strangely around fire and doesn’t like mindless chants to Mother Nature? Now the only family Catalina wants is the birthmother that haunts her dreams with images of love and acceptance. She must have the answer to why fire could burst out of Catalina at any time. Perhaps she could even provide some comfort for her survivor’s guilt.
Just as Catalina finds a fleeting moment of normalcy at a real high school, her sixteenth birthday arrives. With one blow, all the candles extinguish. In the darkness, her birthmother’s necklace burns into her skin and fulfills its purpose of hiding her identity. Without the necklace, Catalina transforms into the beauty she was meant to be. After the panic subsides, a glance in the mirror reveals she now has the same features as a child in a portrait she once admired.
Catalina seeks out and is beckoned through the painting now come to life with promises of answers in its depths. After being lunged into a forest, an animated tree informs her that she is thousands of years back in time. Catalina is alarmed by the revelation, but is hopeful that her mother could be near. Catalina comes upon a clearing while searching for people and loses control of her fire in a battle with a demonic creature. Her fire burns the surrounding trees and sends a signal high above the forest. From above, a flying stranger brings a soothing rain that sizzles against Catalina’s skin and, without her permission; he rescues her.
When Catalina wakes up, she butts heads with her irritating yet surprisingly intriguing savior, Darwin, who acts more like a boy than the man he is. When Darwin leaves to answer the call of his wizard master, Catalina is attacked, wrapped in fire-proof cloth, and carried away to a castle. There, a man awaits who lusts after her power and the immortality that comes with it. Catalina is powerless against the cloth and locked in a cell. For the first time, she realizes what a large part of her the inner fire has become. After barely escaping the castle by jumping into an ocean, Catalina washes up on a beach where an old wizard she almost recognizes finds her.
Thanks to the overwhelming feeling of safety that the familiar wizard, Warwick, exudes, she allows him to bring her back to his castle-home. Unbeknownst to Catalina, this is the very place where her mother resides. At the castle, Catalina bumps into Darwin, who is so relieved to see her that he kisses her without asking. Another quarrel ensues. In Catalina’s absence, Darwin realized the danger in bringing her back to a time where people know of, desire and fear the powers Catalina has. Against her will, Darwin pushes Catalina through the portrait and sends her back to where she started in 3031 CE just as her mother rushes down the hall to see her.
Fueled by anger from watching her mother slip away again, Catalina begins to hover inches over the ground. As her anger grows, so do her powers and her ability to fly. The trees see this and recognize it as the second mark of an Eternal, a keeper of time. But that is just the problem…the trees SEE.
Awakened after thousands of years, the tree Elders call for Catalina to tree-surf into their meeting on a stream of boomeranging trees. Catalina pulls information from the tree Elder’s carefully guarded secrets and learns as an Eternal, it is her job to protect time. Due to a rift in time caused by magical time-traveling, at any given moment, pieces of the past come crashing into Catalina’s present. Catalina does not have enough control over her anger or her powers to fight the enemies that pop up around her AND fix time itself. Instead, she seeks the help of he who failed before her as an Eternal: Warwick. Catalina has to restore Warwick’s powers, which, in a world where magic and emotion are tightly bound, have been slowly seeping away since the death of his one true love, Rosaline.
Little does Warwick know, his love lives.
Catalina follows clues from her vivid dreams that guide her through the ever-changing landscape affected by time jumps. They lead her to outwit the fairies in their labyrinth, across the mountains where demons roam, through the roots of elvin trees, and finally into the sea with a siren. Deep into the ocean, in a cottage untouchable by magic, Catalina finds Rosaline and brings her back to Warwick. Just before she arrives, Catalina is pulled into the mind of Valmont, a wizard long after her powers. Through his eyes, Catalina watches the rise of his army of soul-sucking demons and high-tech armies alike. Through his body, Catalina feels the elation that wipes over Valmont as he murders the people she never knew she cared so much about.
Even in the face of overwhelming doubt, Catalina is driven by these images to push forward and fight Valmont herself. There is no time left to wait for Warwick’s powers to strengthen. Besides, Catalina wants retribution for all the stolen lives including her own. At the castle that popped up out of nowhere, Catalina finds not only Darwin waiting as pompous and handsome as ever, but also the woman she so desperately wanted to find: Her mother. With her mother finally by her side, Catalina finds the reassurance she needs to fight Valmont.
Catalina marches forward with her supporters into the great domed city of Ulcadia to fight Valmont and his army head-on. In the midst of battle, Catalina meets Valmont and transports them both into the fourth dimension. Below her, she sees the swirling vortex of time and the broken piece she must fix that is sputtering in and out of place. Catalina is trapped and nearly falls victim to Valmont’s mind games. His cruelty stirs an anger in her that isn’t strong enough fuel to defeat him. She had to grow up without her mother in a place where she wasn’t accepted because of people like Valmont and their relentless pursuit of her powers. He ruined and destroyed lives. The voices of those she cares for eco inside Catalina’s head and fill her to the brim with love. She gains the strength through them to annihilate Valmont, but the voices urge her not to become a killer and instead focus on the task at hand.
Catalina leaves Valmont in the fourth dimension without the ability to ever leave and fights her way down into the stream of time. There, she physically reaches out and connects her body with the vortex. Catalina realizes while becoming a link in time, she will not only lose her mother again when she sets things straight, but she will also lose her love and her life.
Unable to choose, Catalina allows herself a moment of weakness and pities herself. Ultimately, she knows she could hang in the fourth dimension forever while clinging to the image of her half-dissolved mother, or she could save both her mother and humanity. Just when she makes the decision to sacrifice herself and become a human patch for time, a new force enters the fourth dimension. Renewed by seeing Rosaline again, Warwick tells Catalina she can either return to earth with all the uncertainty ahead of her or she can go with Mother Nature and be at peace. Either way, he is the one whose duty is to fix the tear in time. Catalina understands it is because of Warwick’s weaknesses that she has been chosen as an Eternal. There is a need to have one Eternal on Earth at all times and she cannot let another child go through the same things she went through. Warwick stays behind to fix time and Catalina chooses to return to earth. She is surprised to be caught by Darwin, the boy started Catalina’s journey by painting a time-altering portrait for a special little girl.
I've been having trouble with this. I started out with a sentence and expanded, but I'm still not sure about the clarity of it. I apologize in advance for any spelling and grammar errors. I try to catch them all, but my mind doesn't quite work that way. Luckily I have an amazing editor I can send the nearly final draft of this too...when I get there.
Thanks in advance,
Jen
In the city of Ulcadia during the 30th century, fifteen-year old Catalina Cordova rushes past students popping in and out gut-wrenching transporters. Her heartbeat drums loudly in her head until she half leans, half falls against the cool hallway. Without warning, flames pour out from her eyes. For a moment, in the midst of screeching alarms and running students, a wave of relief calms her. Then, the world returns to focus and she remembers. They all toasted with the moon drink. One friend is dead. Another is in the hospital. And she doesn’t have a scratch on her.
After the accident, Catalina’s adoptive parents call for her return to the decaying house she once called home. But adjusting to life with those who betrayed her by sending her away proves difficult. So what if she acts a little strangely around fire and doesn’t like mindless chants to Mother Nature? Now the only family Catalina wants is the birthmother that haunts her dreams with images of love and acceptance. She must have the answer to why fire could burst out of Catalina at any time. Perhaps she could even provide some comfort for her survivor’s guilt.
Just as Catalina finds a fleeting moment of normalcy at a real high school, her sixteenth birthday arrives. With one blow, all the candles extinguish. In the darkness, her birthmother’s necklace burns into her skin and fulfills its purpose of hiding her identity. Without the necklace, Catalina transforms into the beauty she was meant to be. After the panic subsides, a glance in the mirror reveals she now has the same features as a child in a portrait she once admired.
Catalina seeks out and is beckoned through the painting now come to life with promises of answers in its depths. After being lunged into a forest, an animated tree informs her that she is thousands of years back in time. Catalina is alarmed by the revelation, but is hopeful that her mother could be near. Catalina comes upon a clearing while searching for people and loses control of her fire in a battle with a demonic creature. Her fire burns the surrounding trees and sends a signal high above the forest. From above, a flying stranger brings a soothing rain that sizzles against Catalina’s skin and, without her permission; he rescues her.
When Catalina wakes up, she butts heads with her irritating yet surprisingly intriguing savior, Darwin, who acts more like a boy than the man he is. When Darwin leaves to answer the call of his wizard master, Catalina is attacked, wrapped in fire-proof cloth, and carried away to a castle. There, a man awaits who lusts after her power and the immortality that comes with it. Catalina is powerless against the cloth and locked in a cell. For the first time, she realizes what a large part of her the inner fire has become. After barely escaping the castle by jumping into an ocean, Catalina washes up on a beach where an old wizard she almost recognizes finds her.
Thanks to the overwhelming feeling of safety that the familiar wizard, Warwick, exudes, she allows him to bring her back to his castle-home. Unbeknownst to Catalina, this is the very place where her mother resides. At the castle, Catalina bumps into Darwin, who is so relieved to see her that he kisses her without asking. Another quarrel ensues. In Catalina’s absence, Darwin realized the danger in bringing her back to a time where people know of, desire and fear the powers Catalina has. Against her will, Darwin pushes Catalina through the portrait and sends her back to where she started in 3031 CE just as her mother rushes down the hall to see her.
Fueled by anger from watching her mother slip away again, Catalina begins to hover inches over the ground. As her anger grows, so do her powers and her ability to fly. The trees see this and recognize it as the second mark of an Eternal, a keeper of time. But that is just the problem…the trees SEE.
Awakened after thousands of years, the tree Elders call for Catalina to tree-surf into their meeting on a stream of boomeranging trees. Catalina pulls information from the tree Elder’s carefully guarded secrets and learns as an Eternal, it is her job to protect time. Due to a rift in time caused by magical time-traveling, at any given moment, pieces of the past come crashing into Catalina’s present. Catalina does not have enough control over her anger or her powers to fight the enemies that pop up around her AND fix time itself. Instead, she seeks the help of he who failed before her as an Eternal: Warwick. Catalina has to restore Warwick’s powers, which, in a world where magic and emotion are tightly bound, have been slowly seeping away since the death of his one true love, Rosaline.
Little does Warwick know, his love lives.
Catalina follows clues from her vivid dreams that guide her through the ever-changing landscape affected by time jumps. They lead her to outwit the fairies in their labyrinth, across the mountains where demons roam, through the roots of elvin trees, and finally into the sea with a siren. Deep into the ocean, in a cottage untouchable by magic, Catalina finds Rosaline and brings her back to Warwick. Just before she arrives, Catalina is pulled into the mind of Valmont, a wizard long after her powers. Through his eyes, Catalina watches the rise of his army of soul-sucking demons and high-tech armies alike. Through his body, Catalina feels the elation that wipes over Valmont as he murders the people she never knew she cared so much about.
Even in the face of overwhelming doubt, Catalina is driven by these images to push forward and fight Valmont herself. There is no time left to wait for Warwick’s powers to strengthen. Besides, Catalina wants retribution for all the stolen lives including her own. At the castle that popped up out of nowhere, Catalina finds not only Darwin waiting as pompous and handsome as ever, but also the woman she so desperately wanted to find: Her mother. With her mother finally by her side, Catalina finds the reassurance she needs to fight Valmont.
Catalina marches forward with her supporters into the great domed city of Ulcadia to fight Valmont and his army head-on. In the midst of battle, Catalina meets Valmont and transports them both into the fourth dimension. Below her, she sees the swirling vortex of time and the broken piece she must fix that is sputtering in and out of place. Catalina is trapped and nearly falls victim to Valmont’s mind games. His cruelty stirs an anger in her that isn’t strong enough fuel to defeat him. She had to grow up without her mother in a place where she wasn’t accepted because of people like Valmont and their relentless pursuit of her powers. He ruined and destroyed lives. The voices of those she cares for eco inside Catalina’s head and fill her to the brim with love. She gains the strength through them to annihilate Valmont, but the voices urge her not to become a killer and instead focus on the task at hand.
Catalina leaves Valmont in the fourth dimension without the ability to ever leave and fights her way down into the stream of time. There, she physically reaches out and connects her body with the vortex. Catalina realizes while becoming a link in time, she will not only lose her mother again when she sets things straight, but she will also lose her love and her life.
Unable to choose, Catalina allows herself a moment of weakness and pities herself. Ultimately, she knows she could hang in the fourth dimension forever while clinging to the image of her half-dissolved mother, or she could save both her mother and humanity. Just when she makes the decision to sacrifice herself and become a human patch for time, a new force enters the fourth dimension. Renewed by seeing Rosaline again, Warwick tells Catalina she can either return to earth with all the uncertainty ahead of her or she can go with Mother Nature and be at peace. Either way, he is the one whose duty is to fix the tear in time. Catalina understands it is because of Warwick’s weaknesses that she has been chosen as an Eternal. There is a need to have one Eternal on Earth at all times and she cannot let another child go through the same things she went through. Warwick stays behind to fix time and Catalina chooses to return to earth. She is surprised to be caught by Darwin, the boy started Catalina’s journey by painting a time-altering portrait for a special little girl.
Jul 3, 2009
Query—ANGEL’S FALL
Click here to read version 2.
Click here to read version 3.
When Russia is taken over by Martin Sarafanov, a fallen angel with designs on European domination, Liam Michaels, the Angel of Death, must head off a biological and nuclear war. As the conflict intensifies and innocent people die, Liam’s angelic companions question the goodness of God. The last thing Liam needs as he tries to answer the doubts of his comrades is the appearance of the ultimate evil. But that’s exactly what he finds when he learns that the real power driving Russia is his brother, Lucifer.
My 80,000 word science fantasy thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores how, in a world where evil is prevalent, can God be considered good. Stylistically it resembles a merger of Clive Cussler with Dean Koontz.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. In my day job, I work as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters, I am new to the world of creative writing.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
Click here to read version 3.
When Russia is taken over by Martin Sarafanov, a fallen angel with designs on European domination, Liam Michaels, the Angel of Death, must head off a biological and nuclear war. As the conflict intensifies and innocent people die, Liam’s angelic companions question the goodness of God. The last thing Liam needs as he tries to answer the doubts of his comrades is the appearance of the ultimate evil. But that’s exactly what he finds when he learns that the real power driving Russia is his brother, Lucifer.
My 80,000 word science fantasy thriller, ANGEL’S FALL, explores how, in a world where evil is prevalent, can God be considered good. Stylistically it resembles a merger of Clive Cussler with Dean Koontz.
I have a doctorate in Microbiology and have served as an advisor to the U.S. government on methods of detecting bioweapons. In my day job, I work as the Vice President of Science and Technology for a biotechnology company. While I have published many professional articles and book chapters, I am new to the world of creative writing.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.
Sincerely yours,
Mike
The Voice of a Query?
This comment came through last night, and since it raises an interesting question and it's really directed to all of us, I though it deserved its own post. Please weigh in your opinions...I know you have them!
Hi, All!
After re-reading the comments here, I have a concern. And please be advised that this is merely a point of curiosity - not a criticism of this or any other query...
But I've just noticed an interesting trend with voice-related comments on this site. Even though I agree that Scott's query has a memorable voice, I find it curious that every time someone says a query has a unique voice (like this one and the "Quest Support" query), it's usually funny or snarky in tone.
So, how can a writer capture the voice of a non-funny novel in a one-page query? Is it even possible?
Hi, All!
After re-reading the comments here, I have a concern. And please be advised that this is merely a point of curiosity - not a criticism of this or any other query...
But I've just noticed an interesting trend with voice-related comments on this site. Even though I agree that Scott's query has a memorable voice, I find it curious that every time someone says a query has a unique voice (like this one and the "Quest Support" query), it's usually funny or snarky in tone.
So, how can a writer capture the voice of a non-funny novel in a one-page query? Is it even possible?
Jul 2, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (version 5)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello I'm back with version five and besides input on this version I would also like to know if you guys prefer version 4 or 5. Thanks so much!
Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000-word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to the 31st century after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now she is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. With the revelation that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time, her quest for the birth-mother she never knew is put on hold. But control over her swiftly growing magic lies just beyond her reach which leaves her unable to fix time alone. Catalina seeks the help of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders arrive at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Click here to read version 4.
Hello I'm back with version five and besides input on this version I would also like to know if you guys prefer version 4 or 5. Thanks so much!
Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000-word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to the 31st century after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now she is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. With the revelation that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time, her quest for the birth-mother she never knew is put on hold. But control over her swiftly growing magic lies just beyond her reach which leaves her unable to fix time alone. Catalina seeks the help of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders arrive at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Jul 1, 2009
Query for Eden's Gate
Zander Jaden hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in three years. Ever since his mother’s death, the minute the sun goes down, he feels eyes on him, watching him, and waiting. In a desperate attempt to get some rest, he swallows an entire bottle of prescription sleep-aids. After his supposed suicide attempt, Zander is committed to Edensgate State Psychiatric Hospital, a massive sprawling building in the Kirkbride style, now mostly defunct.
He meets Rafe Nazario there, and the two boys become fast friends. Zander confides his problems in Rafe, and in turn, Rafe details the reasons he finds himself there in Edensgate. As they grow closer, their routine is interrupted by the arrival of Dominick O’Brennan, the son of an infamous mafia family from Boston. Dominick despises Rafe and Zander from the start, and does everything he possibly can to make their lives miserable, up to and including stealing Zander’s file from the hospital and taunting him with information. After Rafe and Zander have a fight, however, Dominick moves in, and Zander falls into bed with him.
After Dominick is released from the hospital on the word of his family, Rafe and Zander are finally free to explore their own relationship, with the ever present night-watchers a constant irritant. As Zander tries to find a way to free himself of his curse, he begins to delve deeper into the history of Edensgate – in fact, history presents itself to him clearly in the form of a girl who died there sixty years ago! – and he discovers the powers within him, passed down by his mother, that will help him be free of the night-watchers once and for all.
The only thing standing between Zander and total freedom is once again Dominick – after his family found themselves unable to deal with him, they recommit him to the hospital, and this time, he’s not so forgiving. Knowing Zander’s paralyzing fear of the dark, Dominick nearly kills him when he locks him in the unlit basement for three days.
Time is running out when Zander recovers from Dominick’s mischief, however, for he knows that the power of a solar eclipse on Halloween night will give the night-watchers exactly what they need to obtain their goals – to leave their bleak home and overrun the Earth. Dominick’s acting strangely, Rafe is concerned, and Zander just wants to get some sleep. With the help of the ghosts of Edensgate and a doctor who works there, the two boys work to stop the night-watchers before they can use the hospital as a launch-pad for the destruction of the human race.
The fate of the world is resting on the shoulders of one young man in a mental hospital, and all Hell’s about to break loose at Eden’s Gate.
He meets Rafe Nazario there, and the two boys become fast friends. Zander confides his problems in Rafe, and in turn, Rafe details the reasons he finds himself there in Edensgate. As they grow closer, their routine is interrupted by the arrival of Dominick O’Brennan, the son of an infamous mafia family from Boston. Dominick despises Rafe and Zander from the start, and does everything he possibly can to make their lives miserable, up to and including stealing Zander’s file from the hospital and taunting him with information. After Rafe and Zander have a fight, however, Dominick moves in, and Zander falls into bed with him.
After Dominick is released from the hospital on the word of his family, Rafe and Zander are finally free to explore their own relationship, with the ever present night-watchers a constant irritant. As Zander tries to find a way to free himself of his curse, he begins to delve deeper into the history of Edensgate – in fact, history presents itself to him clearly in the form of a girl who died there sixty years ago! – and he discovers the powers within him, passed down by his mother, that will help him be free of the night-watchers once and for all.
The only thing standing between Zander and total freedom is once again Dominick – after his family found themselves unable to deal with him, they recommit him to the hospital, and this time, he’s not so forgiving. Knowing Zander’s paralyzing fear of the dark, Dominick nearly kills him when he locks him in the unlit basement for three days.
Time is running out when Zander recovers from Dominick’s mischief, however, for he knows that the power of a solar eclipse on Halloween night will give the night-watchers exactly what they need to obtain their goals – to leave their bleak home and overrun the Earth. Dominick’s acting strangely, Rafe is concerned, and Zander just wants to get some sleep. With the help of the ghosts of Edensgate and a doctor who works there, the two boys work to stop the night-watchers before they can use the hospital as a launch-pad for the destruction of the human race.
The fate of the world is resting on the shoulders of one young man in a mental hospital, and all Hell’s about to break loose at Eden’s Gate.
Query - Winter Roses Never Die
Dear Literary Editor,
Although endearing in a way, Jennie is rather too imaginative and naive for someone of thirty-four. As she lives in a small country town where most of the inhabitants are earthy and provincial, her whimsical, shy nature stands out even more than her colourful array of shabby chic clothing. When she breathlessly relates to her library co-workers of meeting a handsome man (in a wheel chair) in an abandoned winter cemetery beside a rose-covered grave, her credibility is stretched to the limit. And then when she describes hearing disembodied singing and music that seemed to follow her down the cemetery path, her long-suffering associates begin to doubt her integrity and sanity. However, she hasn't even told them the whole story of what she experienced. She is convinced a beautiful lady with sloe-shaped green eyes was reclining on a twig-like branch of a wattle tree. The lady's eyes held such power that Jennie went into sensory overload and couldn't move. Only when she was able to recite her favourite prayer (asking for the protection of the Holy Blood) did the vision disappear.
The two focal points of the old, abandoned cemetery where most of the story is set are the blood red roses growing over the co-joined graves of Charos and his mother, and the blood red cloak worn by the statue of the Christ. Both signify the healing and transforming power of selfless, unconditional love. Jennie discovers through her 'inspirationals' that the power of the human soul is in the blood and is triggered by the emotions. Humankind does not know how to tap into that power, but The Family do through their spiritual awareness - an awareness that was taken away from most of humanity but which Jesus came to restore. The difference between Jennie's two favourite men, Jesus and Charos, is that while the vampire-like Charos must take human blood to live, the Blood of Jesus was given on His death so that humankind would throw off their guilt and forgive themselves and find healing and spiritual life, which before was denied to them - through their guilt and lack of spiritual knowledge. Like humanity, Charos has also been cursed - along with his enigmatic people called The Family - and they are also partly dead. But unlike humanity, the power of their spirits is still intact and, hence, their knowledge and understanding of spiritual/supernatural?power. It is?this power, contained in?the soul, which has been lost to them. Their souls have been captured by infernal spirits which live off the power and energy from these souls. The only way The Family can keep physically alive and powerful is by absorbing human blood. The roses growing over Charos' and his mother's graves are actually his transformed mother, transformed through her selfless love and compassion for her son. They are blood red, the radiance of which helped him heal of his terrible burns inflicted by The People. The blood red of the roses signify her love for her son and the energy and comfort which she gave at the expense of her own life-force. The blood red cloak worn by the statue of Jesus in the cemetery also?symbolises the transformed nature of the Christ through His compassion and selfless love for us. He gave His Blood to bring comfort, life and healing to?humanity - the same way that Charos' mother did when she was transformed through the same selfless love for her son into the roses which never die.
Jennie's initial quest is to discover the identity and true nature of the enigmatic man in the wheel chair, to liberate him and the rest of his (non-human) Family from the evil that holds them captive on this earthly plane and which prevents them from being able to feel and be truly alive.? Most importantly, she wants to win the love of this man, Charos, and bring him back into her life and that of their beautiful child, Julianna.?
Combined with this outer quest are Jennie's spiritual experiences which seek her out as opposed to?her outward efforts to find love and happiness.? In the process she discovers that the inner world, the Kingdom of Heaven,?is?such a treasure trove of inspiration, love and happiness that she is tempted to abandon?her seemingly impossible outer quest.? However, as part of her growing process, she discovers she's not the only one fighting terrible battles?of insecurity.? Everyone, no matter how powerful they seem or how perfect their life appears, is fighting the same battle - even the seemingly invincible Charos.? She realises that even though she doesn't need his love for happiness, he needs her love and human power to regain his soul and freedom.
At the end of the story, Jennie's faith and love are victorious. Through her courage and faithful love, Charos is redeemed from his soulless existence, and he and The Family are free to return to their own plane. He, however, chooses to stay with Jennie and their daughter. But it is only when Jennie is able to demonstrate a more perfect and deeper love through compassion and understanding of his past suffering and his insecurities is she able to disarm those insecurities. Only then is Charos able to say the words Jennie has waited years to hear: I love you.
Winter Roses Never Dies is a paranormal romance combined with elements of mystic Christanity, 87,000 words in length, for the adult reader.
Thank you for your time and consideration of this project.
Yours faithfully...
Although endearing in a way, Jennie is rather too imaginative and naive for someone of thirty-four. As she lives in a small country town where most of the inhabitants are earthy and provincial, her whimsical, shy nature stands out even more than her colourful array of shabby chic clothing. When she breathlessly relates to her library co-workers of meeting a handsome man (in a wheel chair) in an abandoned winter cemetery beside a rose-covered grave, her credibility is stretched to the limit. And then when she describes hearing disembodied singing and music that seemed to follow her down the cemetery path, her long-suffering associates begin to doubt her integrity and sanity. However, she hasn't even told them the whole story of what she experienced. She is convinced a beautiful lady with sloe-shaped green eyes was reclining on a twig-like branch of a wattle tree. The lady's eyes held such power that Jennie went into sensory overload and couldn't move. Only when she was able to recite her favourite prayer (asking for the protection of the Holy Blood) did the vision disappear.
The two focal points of the old, abandoned cemetery where most of the story is set are the blood red roses growing over the co-joined graves of Charos and his mother, and the blood red cloak worn by the statue of the Christ. Both signify the healing and transforming power of selfless, unconditional love. Jennie discovers through her 'inspirationals' that the power of the human soul is in the blood and is triggered by the emotions. Humankind does not know how to tap into that power, but The Family do through their spiritual awareness - an awareness that was taken away from most of humanity but which Jesus came to restore. The difference between Jennie's two favourite men, Jesus and Charos, is that while the vampire-like Charos must take human blood to live, the Blood of Jesus was given on His death so that humankind would throw off their guilt and forgive themselves and find healing and spiritual life, which before was denied to them - through their guilt and lack of spiritual knowledge. Like humanity, Charos has also been cursed - along with his enigmatic people called The Family - and they are also partly dead. But unlike humanity, the power of their spirits is still intact and, hence, their knowledge and understanding of spiritual/supernatural?power. It is?this power, contained in?the soul, which has been lost to them. Their souls have been captured by infernal spirits which live off the power and energy from these souls. The only way The Family can keep physically alive and powerful is by absorbing human blood. The roses growing over Charos' and his mother's graves are actually his transformed mother, transformed through her selfless love and compassion for her son. They are blood red, the radiance of which helped him heal of his terrible burns inflicted by The People. The blood red of the roses signify her love for her son and the energy and comfort which she gave at the expense of her own life-force. The blood red cloak worn by the statue of Jesus in the cemetery also?symbolises the transformed nature of the Christ through His compassion and selfless love for us. He gave His Blood to bring comfort, life and healing to?humanity - the same way that Charos' mother did when she was transformed through the same selfless love for her son into the roses which never die.
Jennie's initial quest is to discover the identity and true nature of the enigmatic man in the wheel chair, to liberate him and the rest of his (non-human) Family from the evil that holds them captive on this earthly plane and which prevents them from being able to feel and be truly alive.? Most importantly, she wants to win the love of this man, Charos, and bring him back into her life and that of their beautiful child, Julianna.?
Combined with this outer quest are Jennie's spiritual experiences which seek her out as opposed to?her outward efforts to find love and happiness.? In the process she discovers that the inner world, the Kingdom of Heaven,?is?such a treasure trove of inspiration, love and happiness that she is tempted to abandon?her seemingly impossible outer quest.? However, as part of her growing process, she discovers she's not the only one fighting terrible battles?of insecurity.? Everyone, no matter how powerful they seem or how perfect their life appears, is fighting the same battle - even the seemingly invincible Charos.? She realises that even though she doesn't need his love for happiness, he needs her love and human power to regain his soul and freedom.
At the end of the story, Jennie's faith and love are victorious. Through her courage and faithful love, Charos is redeemed from his soulless existence, and he and The Family are free to return to their own plane. He, however, chooses to stay with Jennie and their daughter. But it is only when Jennie is able to demonstrate a more perfect and deeper love through compassion and understanding of his past suffering and his insecurities is she able to disarm those insecurities. Only then is Charos able to say the words Jennie has waited years to hear: I love you.
Winter Roses Never Dies is a paranormal romance combined with elements of mystic Christanity, 87,000 words in length, for the adult reader.
Thank you for your time and consideration of this project.
Yours faithfully...
Jun 30, 2009
Query- Queen of the Angels
When Julia became a woman, she discovered that she was chosen to bear not only a secret life, but a child that was not human.
Caught in a world of passion and magic, Julia loves a creature of mythology―a being who was cast in ancient lore as a fallen angel, but whose purpose is the empowerment of women through the teaching of secret magical lore. From their first kiss Julia begins a journey to the realization of her female powers. She had never imagined the power that had been demonized and repressed through religion for thousands of years. She had never dreamed that she had such power.
It is the mission of the Nephilim to find the women born for this path and not only teach them, but breed from them future generations of angel/human hybrids. Julia, caught up in her perfect life of love, passion, and magic, does not know that these angels not only can, but will reproduce. When she discovers she is pregnant, she is trapped by fear, feelings of betrayal, and a growing realization that bearing a hybrid child in the modern world will cement her in total isolation from her fellow man.
She must decide if she can love such a child, if she can love the being who made her feel used, and if she can truly live an extraordinary life—the life that seems chosen for her, as an Amazon Queen. The battle for the future has only just begun.
I would be happy to submit my urban fantasy manuscript, Queen of the Angels, for your review.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
e j alvey
Caught in a world of passion and magic, Julia loves a creature of mythology―a being who was cast in ancient lore as a fallen angel, but whose purpose is the empowerment of women through the teaching of secret magical lore. From their first kiss Julia begins a journey to the realization of her female powers. She had never imagined the power that had been demonized and repressed through religion for thousands of years. She had never dreamed that she had such power.
It is the mission of the Nephilim to find the women born for this path and not only teach them, but breed from them future generations of angel/human hybrids. Julia, caught up in her perfect life of love, passion, and magic, does not know that these angels not only can, but will reproduce. When she discovers she is pregnant, she is trapped by fear, feelings of betrayal, and a growing realization that bearing a hybrid child in the modern world will cement her in total isolation from her fellow man.
She must decide if she can love such a child, if she can love the being who made her feel used, and if she can truly live an extraordinary life—the life that seems chosen for her, as an Amazon Queen. The battle for the future has only just begun.
I would be happy to submit my urban fantasy manuscript, Queen of the Angels, for your review.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
e j alvey
Jun 29, 2009
Query - Margarita Nights
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-gay-man – the gayvine is the source of all information--plus a healthy dose of misinformation--within the gay community of Nashville, TN. In a strange twist of Fate (who he thinks is laughing hysterically at him), Jared suddenly finds his life spreading through the gayvine as he struggles with the realization that his happily ever after is not so happy after all.
One question – do you love me? – by his partner of five years makes Jared realize that sometimes, love is not enough. He loves his partner. He is also, perhaps unhealthily so, consumed with thoughts of a kiss – a simple peck on the lips, in greeting only – from a friend. He doesn’t have a fairy godmother (though he knows a few drag queens in sparkly dresses) to wave her magic wand and fix his problems. He only has the boyz (well, grown men desperately trying to hang on to their youth), snarky comments, and margarita nights once a month to help him figure out if even the most meaningless relationships, ironically, have meaning after all.
MARGARITA NIGHTS is a 72,000-word commercial fiction novel filled with a hearty dose of snark, plenty of margaritas, and the drama queen moments of Jared and the rest of the boyz as they confront their loneliness and insecurities in an often unaccepting world. It presents a realistic portrait of gay life.
On any given Friday night, I can be found drinking margaritas and listening, perhaps adding a tidbit or two, to the gayvine. As per the guidelines on your website, I have included the first ten pages of my completed manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Scott
Great Query Discussion at The Literary Lab
There is a great post on queries over at The Literary Lab today, if you have a few minutes it may be worth your time to check it out.
I think the comment thread is still active, jump in!
I think the comment thread is still active, jump in!
Jun 28, 2009
Query-The Eternal Link (version 4)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read version 3.
Click here to read version 5.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I fixed the flow issues. =) Any comments are appreciated. Thanks, Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3031 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only that, but apparently, it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. Catalina tries to find the answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew.
With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time. Catalina attempts to renew the powers of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders after her supposed immortality arrives at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Click here to read version 3.
Click here to read version 5.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I fixed the flow issues. =) Any comments are appreciated. Thanks, Jen
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word young adult fantasy novel, THE ETERNAL LINK.
When sixteen-year-old Catalina returns to 3031 CE after searching through the past for her mother, she never imagined pieces of that ancient time would come back with her.
Now Catalina is stuck in a world where the magical past and the high-tech present are merging at an alarming rate. Not only that, but apparently, it is her fault for traveling to the past with unstable magic developing within her. Catalina tries to find the answers to why she can shoot fire from her eyes or why she is constantly plagued by dreams of a mother she never knew.
With control over her swiftly growing magic lying just beyond her reach, Catalina finds it difficult to accept that she is an Eternal, a keeper of time. Catalina attempts to renew the powers of an old Eternal before an army of united evil magic and high-tech defenders after her supposed immortality arrives at her door. As time is literally running out before the world erases completely, Catalina must choose between holding onto her hopes of a life with her real mother or her newfound duty to return time to its proper state, a state where nothing more is left of her new friends, her mother, or the boy she has come to love but two-thousand year old memories.
Jun 24, 2009
Successful Query- BROKEN
Thanks for all your support and kind words at the Slushpile.
Here's the final query I used for BROKEN.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli Burke on a busy street. Eli knows loss, too. He can’t escape it. After watching his lover beaten to death in a London alley, he’s been left with a limp, scars, and nightmares as permanent reminders.
Fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. Eli is charmed when Alec offers him an escape from a difficult day and a sympathetic ear; he’s delighted when Alec takes an interest in his work; and he’s turned on when Alec lays a bold, passionate embrace on him. Now what? Does Eli attempt to outrun his painful past with isolated charity work abroad, or reward Alec’s romantic efforts and risk his heart again? One thing is certain: neither of them want to lose anything else.
Along with this I also sent them a short bio, synopsis, and partial on 4/26. I received the request for the full MS on 5/20 and the contract on 6/20. Thanks to everyone for their feedback and good wishes. I'm still on cloud nine.
Dawn
Here's the final query I used for BROKEN.
Alec Sumner, a psychologist and author, understands loss. Not only has he written about it, he’s lost his home, his relationship, his mother’s love, and today – his heart to Eli Burke on a busy street. Eli knows loss, too. He can’t escape it. After watching his lover beaten to death in a London alley, he’s been left with a limp, scars, and nightmares as permanent reminders.
Fueled by liquor, lust, and heartache, their brief encounter in the back seat of a car convinces Alec that he must have Eli in his life despite the young man’s inability to move beyond his traumatic past. Eli is charmed when Alec offers him an escape from a difficult day and a sympathetic ear; he’s delighted when Alec takes an interest in his work; and he’s turned on when Alec lays a bold, passionate embrace on him. Now what? Does Eli attempt to outrun his painful past with isolated charity work abroad, or reward Alec’s romantic efforts and risk his heart again? One thing is certain: neither of them want to lose anything else.
Along with this I also sent them a short bio, synopsis, and partial on 4/26. I received the request for the full MS on 5/20 and the contract on 6/20. Thanks to everyone for their feedback and good wishes. I'm still on cloud nine.
Dawn
Jun 22, 2009
Immortalis Query -Revised
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Agent/Editor
I am pleased to submit for your consideration, IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, an Urban Fantasy story, complete at 80,000 words.
Thrust into a dark world filled with bloodlust, religious fanaticism, and thousand-year old vendettas, Alyssa will have to find the strength to accept her terrifying new reality or submit to final death.
Bleeding to death after brutal mugging on the campus of UNLV, Twenty-five year old Alyssa, is rescued by beguiling and immortal Lysander. He gives her the gift, and curse, of immortality. Alyssa awakens as a vampire and is devastated by harsh realities of her new way of life: the loss of her friends, her independence, and her humanity.
Alyssa’s “turning,” did not go unnoticed by other members of the immortal world. She and Lysander are targeted for final death. An ancient sect of Catholic vampire hunters, known as the Acta Sanctorum, begins their hunt, vowing to destroy all vampires, in God’s name. Meanwhile, a vengeful lover from Lysander’s past seeks to exact her revenge, citing vampire law as her reason to kill them both. Only by letting go of her old self and accepting that she is a vampire, can Alyssa hope to survive. She will have to stand alongside of Lysander and fight, against two enemies who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.
IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, will take you on a journey with Alyssa, delving deep into the emotional upheaval that is the transformation from human to vampire. This is my début novel and the first in a series of dark and sexy vampire stories. I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author
Dear Agent/Editor
I am pleased to submit for your consideration, IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, an Urban Fantasy story, complete at 80,000 words.
Thrust into a dark world filled with bloodlust, religious fanaticism, and thousand-year old vendettas, Alyssa will have to find the strength to accept her terrifying new reality or submit to final death.
Bleeding to death after brutal mugging on the campus of UNLV, Twenty-five year old Alyssa, is rescued by beguiling and immortal Lysander. He gives her the gift, and curse, of immortality. Alyssa awakens as a vampire and is devastated by harsh realities of her new way of life: the loss of her friends, her independence, and her humanity.
Alyssa’s “turning,” did not go unnoticed by other members of the immortal world. She and Lysander are targeted for final death. An ancient sect of Catholic vampire hunters, known as the Acta Sanctorum, begins their hunt, vowing to destroy all vampires, in God’s name. Meanwhile, a vengeful lover from Lysander’s past seeks to exact her revenge, citing vampire law as her reason to kill them both. Only by letting go of her old self and accepting that she is a vampire, can Alyssa hope to survive. She will have to stand alongside of Lysander and fight, against two enemies who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.
IMMORTALIS: CARPE NOCTEM, will take you on a journey with Alyssa, delving deep into the emotional upheaval that is the transformation from human to vampire. This is my début novel and the first in a series of dark and sexy vampire stories. I would be happy to send more if you like what you see here.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Hopeful Author
A Submitter got a Contract
Here's proof that it can happen: Dawn Johnson emailed me to let me know that she was offered a publication contract for her novel BROKEN by Dreamspinner Press.
Click here to read the original query for BROKEN. You can link to revisions from that post.
Congrats Dawn, and thanks to everyone who offers advice on this blog. A little bit of help can make a big difference in someone's career.
Click here to read the original query for BROKEN. You can link to revisions from that post.
Congrats Dawn, and thanks to everyone who offers advice on this blog. A little bit of help can make a big difference in someone's career.
Jun 21, 2009
Query - The Braidwood Circle
(Note: In the UK, we don't use query letters as such, but a covering letter that travels with a synopsis and the first 30 pages. You still need to give a brief overview of the work in two paragraphs, which is what I am seeking feedback on. Thanks.)
In Elizabethan England death comes often, but when a body found in the woods is that of a wealthy merchant's wife, constable John Rowntree is sent to investigate. The people of Braidwood are keen to assist, and to tell him their secrets, but regardless of the evidence they claim to have, he does not believe their allegations. He especially scoffs when they involve frail old ladies committing murder and practicing witchcraft.
Close to solving the case, Rowntree is confronted by further deaths. More gruesome and brutal, they fuel a frenzy of accusations and threats among the townsfolk. Rowntree's fight to maintain order and stop any further murders leads him to a shocking revelation. One that means he must accept that the town's mid-wife is not only capable of killing, but that she practices sorcery. To stop her from claiming more victims, he must face his strongest childhood fear and break the witch's ever growing circle of power.
In Elizabethan England death comes often, but when a body found in the woods is that of a wealthy merchant's wife, constable John Rowntree is sent to investigate. The people of Braidwood are keen to assist, and to tell him their secrets, but regardless of the evidence they claim to have, he does not believe their allegations. He especially scoffs when they involve frail old ladies committing murder and practicing witchcraft.
Close to solving the case, Rowntree is confronted by further deaths. More gruesome and brutal, they fuel a frenzy of accusations and threats among the townsfolk. Rowntree's fight to maintain order and stop any further murders leads him to a shocking revelation. One that means he must accept that the town's mid-wife is not only capable of killing, but that she practices sorcery. To stop her from claiming more victims, he must face his strongest childhood fear and break the witch's ever growing circle of power.
Jun 19, 2009
QUERY- UNTOUCHED
Dear Agent,
Diagnosed as terminal, Gwendolyn Hayes had ten years to prepare herself for death. What she never expected was Death to arrive in the form of model-turned-reaper Glory. When Gwen fights for a second chance at life, Glory promises one- in exchange for Gwen acting as a death angel. Gwen's task seems easy: touch and collect three souls, and life will be hers.
And perhaps her task would have been easy, if Gwen's former best friend and childhood crush James Connolly hadn't made an appearance on her 'to kill' list. Now touching James is the only thing standing between her and her second chance, but can she really take his life to jump start her own?
The decision is hers, but the situation is complicated. Especially when old feelings resurface and Gwen and James realize they're falling in love with one another. Their love is a dangerous one, though, accompanied by the knowledge that an accidental touch, a careless bump, or even a single forbidden kiss will end life, start life, and separate them for good.
[Personalization & Bio]
Untouched is a YA contemporary fantasy complete at 75,000 words. The entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Diagnosed as terminal, Gwendolyn Hayes had ten years to prepare herself for death. What she never expected was Death to arrive in the form of model-turned-reaper Glory. When Gwen fights for a second chance at life, Glory promises one- in exchange for Gwen acting as a death angel. Gwen's task seems easy: touch and collect three souls, and life will be hers.
And perhaps her task would have been easy, if Gwen's former best friend and childhood crush James Connolly hadn't made an appearance on her 'to kill' list. Now touching James is the only thing standing between her and her second chance, but can she really take his life to jump start her own?
The decision is hers, but the situation is complicated. Especially when old feelings resurface and Gwen and James realize they're falling in love with one another. Their love is a dangerous one, though, accompanied by the knowledge that an accidental touch, a careless bump, or even a single forbidden kiss will end life, start life, and separate them for good.
[Personalization & Bio]
Untouched is a YA contemporary fantasy complete at 75,000 words. The entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 18, 2009
Sample Pages are Welcome
Just a reminder that 4-5 pages of your first chapter are welcome. Just include them with your query submission the same as you would in an email query.
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
I'm open to posting sample pages without a query letter, too. Since many agents do accept 4-5 pages with a query, they are part of the submission and I think that fits with the spirit of this blog.
And as the sole moderator, I enjoy the right to make sweeping judgment calls like this ;-)
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE (Rev 2)
Click here to read the original query.
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
First: Thanks everyone for feedback on 1.
2nd: Double thanks to Rick for doing all this.
Okay, I took advice from here and AW and came up with the below query (currently, I like it better than Rev 1, but give me a few hours and I might deplore it :):
Dear Agent X,
When THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a once-human boy named Owen, kidnaps thirteen year old Natalie to harvest her powerful soul for Goblindom, he never expects her to rescue his withered soul from damnation.
Harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their souls for sustenance, and thereby transforming them into goblins – horrifies Owen, but he always performs his duty, for without souls, he and his brethren will perish.
Natalie, however, is unlike his other victims. She is a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires Owen to pursue a new mission – one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Several obstacles impede Owen’s path to salvation: ever-child vampires, including his onetime sister, attempt to kill him and make Natalie their queen; embittered rogue goblins, along with his traitorous lieutenant, assassinate his king and incarcerate him; and the largest hurdle, his burgeoning friendship with a wonderful girl who loves him despite his many flaws…
Because the only way to protect the children of tomorrow from the horrors of yesterday is for Owen to destroy Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon his enemies.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word variant of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of hope to guide his way.
[personal info]
[thanks]
Bane
Jun 17, 2009
Query - THE GOBLIN PRINCE
A revision of this query has been posted. Click here to read it.
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Here we go - submitted a very
similar one over at AW (not too much crit, there, so I'm hoping for some more here).
A bit of BG: this query has gotten some traction w/ agents, but not as much as I'd like... I'm marketing it as YA Fantasy or Dark Fant/Lit Fic - which I'd include in my introduction to the particular agent.
Dear Agent X,
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a onetime human boy, abhors harvesting children – snatching them from their beds, mining their spirit energy, and transforming them into goblins. Despite his aversion, he never falters in his duty until he abducts Natalie, a girl who can befriend a goblin and awaken his humanity even as he strives to desecrate her soul. Her faith in his goodness inspires him to pursue a new mission, one where he will be guardian instead of predator; one that will afford him pride in place of sorrow.
Yet, to protect future generations from the torment he and countless others suffered, the goblin prince must commit one last atrocity, far more difficult than all the rest. He must murder Natalie, his only friend in an unforgiving world, to unleash her magnificent spirit energy upon the other fiends lurking in the shadows, hungering for children’s souls.
THE GOBLIN PRINCE, a grim 51,000 word version of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is the story of a self-proclaimed monster seeking redemption in a world consumed by dark creatures and dark intents, with a single shining beacon of humanity to guide his way.
[Personal Info]
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you,
Jun 14, 2009
Query - HOLLOW SOULS (2nd revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:
When Devi Linden, a young musician from Kentucky, travels to New Orleans in the late 1950s, she simply wants to experience the world before returning home. But an unplanned pregnancy changes everything.
By 1971, she is an unhappy housewife and mother, loath to abandon her responsibilities. She no longer plays her guitar, frequently fights with her husband, and finds her only solace with her youngest child, Olivia. When the mother of Olivia’s best friend dies, Devi soothes her daughter with the story of a little girl who discovers an underground utopia known as Ruby Hollow.
Years later, struggling to avoid divorce or something worse, Devi begins playing music again. When Olivia finds a cache of love letters from the “hero” of her bedtime tales, Devi admits that Ruby Hollow is an actual place – and that, if not for her family, she’d have returned long ago.
After her estranged mother dies, Devi asks Olivia to accompany her to Kentucky. Following the funeral, she heads to Ruby Hollow, the secret haven that once inspired her stories, and the only place she’s ever truly belonged...
Since growing up in New Orleans and studying film, literature, and creative writing at Northwestern University, I’ve held a variety of positions, from ecotourism journalist to guidebook author – with publishing credits that include MOON MICHIGAN (Avalon Travel, 2009). While on assignment in Kentucky, I toured the dark, twisting passages of Mammoth Cave, which eventually sparked HOLLOW SOULS, a 150,000-word literary/mainstream novel.
For more information, please visit my website – www.rubyhollow.com – or contact me anytime. I’ve enclosed a synopsis and the first five pages of HOLLOW SOULS, plus a SASE for your convenience. A full or partial manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time – and for considering the possibility of representing my work.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
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