Click here to read the most recent query.
word count: 1,160
Critique requested: Is it too dry? Does it use phrases that don't work? Does the end satisfy? Enough/too much detal? Does it do its job (making the reader want to request the manuscript)?
Critique tolerance is high. Anything you have to say is appreciated!
Synopsis
JONATHAN DOUGLAS had a beautiful young wife, a job he loved, and a faith in God he thought couldn’t be shaken. When a desperate phone call from his mother sends him racing home from work, he arrives to find the air filled with smoke and ash, while neighbors and firemen surround his smoldering house. The news that his wife and infant daughter were killed in the fire ends life as he knows it.
Stripped of everything he loved, John rebels against the God who betrayed him. He ignores the Voice of the Lord tickling his soul and continues a downward spiral into depression. Haunted by vivid nightmares- images of his family in the flames- John turns to alcohol for escape. He eventually makes his way to the Las Vegas strip where he spends his time alternately giving himself over to his despair, and fighting off the pain with drink.
APRIL is a strong, independent woman. She watched her mother jump from one abusive relationship to another and is determined not to be as weak as she was. So when her own boyfriend turns violent- beating and raping her after a late night of drinking- April refuses to be a victim. She sneaks out during the night and speeds away from everything she knows. With nothing but a few bucks, she melts into the crowds of Vegas and fights to start over. After living out of her car and serving drinks to sweaty, boorish men, April lands an apartment and roommate but struggles to come up with the rent each month. Losing one job after another leaves her desperate to keep a roof over her head- so desperate that she is willing to do anything to keep off the streets.
John meanwhile, can no longer cope with his pain and decides to end his life. On what would have been his last night alive, he meets April in the hotel bar. April reminds him so much of his deceased wife that when she propositions him and names her price he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up the next morning to a shattered illusion and profound shame. John is finally broken before the Almighty. Falling to his knees on the dirty bathroom floor of a Vegas hotel room, he finds the Lord waiting with open arms.
In search of a new start, John plants himself in southern California and begins to put down roots there. He becomes involved at a local church where he meets JENNI.
Jenni’s life is decidedly centered on Christ. In between college and her job at Just Juice, Jenni performs sign language with the Worship Team at church. She isn’t looking for romance when she meets John, but he captures her heart. Jenni hadn’t thought she’d fall in love with a man who had one marriage already under his belt, and she wrestles with their difference in life experience. But she and John are both flooded by the peace of God and are sure He has brought them together.
John is amazed by God’s grace and the blessing of a second chance at love. But even though his relationship with the Lord has been restored, sin always has its consequences. His days of hard living catch up with him when April appears on his doorstep, pregnant, and claims he is the father.
April had just lost yet another job when she discovered she was pregnant. Abortion was her only option. There was no way she could support a child when she couldn’t even support herself. But when she arrives at the clinic, she is struck by the images and words of a protestor’s sign. The reality of the new life in her womb overwhelms her and she refuses to go through with the procedure. With no medical insurance, severe morning sickness, and no support from friends on her decision to keep the baby, she decides to try and find John.
John knows that to follow Christ he cannot hide the truth of his past. He must surrender his pride, endure the gossip at church, and risk his relationship with Jenni. When he breaks the news to her, he isn’t surprised that she needs time alone to process everything.
While John focuses on getting medical care for April and the unborn baby, Jenni wrestles with her roiling emotions over the devastating news. She fights to hold onto her faith even under these unthinkable circumstances, and in one desperate moment is tempted by her own past of self-mutilation. Instead, she looks to Christ to hold her together. Though she doesn’t know how she will find the strength to do it, she knows the Lord is asking her to forgive and to show His love even to April.
April feels guilty that her arrival has upturned John’s life and damaged his relationship with his new fiancé. He has been more than kind in taking her to doctor appointments and giving her a place to stay. He is a different man than the tortured soul she met at the bar, always talking about the love of God. April had never spared a thought on God; she had done her best to rely only on herself. So when her medical evaluations uncover that she has leukemia, she decides it must be divine punishment. She feels it’s what she deserves, but agonizes over the risk to the baby. However, when Jenni extends the hand of friendship, April begins to realize she is not as alone as she thought.
Though Jenni’s pain still threatens to tear her apart, her heart softens toward April, who she begins to see through the eyes of God. Both Jenni and John continually share the message of God’s love and grace with April, and little by little she opens up to the possibility that He really does love her. In the face of her declining health, April gives her heart and her life to Christ and experiences more joy and peace than she’s ever known.
April’s uncontrolled fever necessitates an early C-section, and it is a bittersweet time for Jenni. When she sees John cradling baby DAVID, she feels both the familiar pang of insecurity as well as happiness for John at becoming a father again. David is small but healthy, and he squirms his way into Jenni’s heart despite the thorny situation.
Grave circumstances mar the celebration over this new life. April is dying. In the days before her death she has found salvation and joy and is ready to let go. She asks John to raise their son in the knowledge of God, and Jenni to be a mommy to him in her absence. After April passes away, Jenni reflects on God’s amazing sovereignty in working all things together for the good of those who love Him. She has a new son, the love of a man she adores, the knowledge that April is safely in the arms of God, and a much stronger faith in the Lord.
****
Jul 12, 2010
Query- Seaweeds (version 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t talk and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. He names her Pearl and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her magic long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
A few sample pages:
I knew Ronnie was going to surprise me with a party. But I didn’t know there’d be beer. I’m old enough to drink, but I prefer not to. Alcohol doesn’t get along with my stomach. And I do stupid shit when I’m drunk, like fall off a boat.
Or on that particular evening, fall off a boat while having sex with a beautiful girl.
***
“All aboard!” Ronnie surveyed the ladies as they strolled up the ramp, giggling like Paris Hilton wannabes. He twisted the side of his mouth into a lopsided grin and winked at me. “I picked a fine bunch, didn’t I?”
I rolled my eyes and set the tray of dipping snacks I was carrying on top of a table. The April wind raged without remorse; it’d be smart to put the food inside so nothing would blow away, but Ronnie wanted food and drinks to be accessible everywhere on the 32-meter yacht. He even put water bottles next to the toilet in case someone, probably me, got sick.
Best friends since the sandbox days. Ronnie and I always got along, despite our differences. I was the introvert. He was the extrovert, loud and obnoxious, always trying to be the center of attention. I preferred the sideline.
I watched from a distance as the girls promenaded in heels high enough to make my 6-feet-tall self feel midgetified. There were four girls altogether. I knew three of them; the fourth was a mystery.
She tagged behind the others, carrying a basket of cookies. I tried not to ogle, but she was like a goddess. Her eyes were green and sharp. Lengthy eyelashes, decorated with thick coats of mascara. Jet black hair glided across her shoulders effortlessly, not a tangle or curl in sight. I raked my eyes up and down her body, taking in her runway model stature. She was naturally tan; her arms seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her green cotton dress was not blatant or revealing, but fit her figure so perfectly, it made her more desirable than the other girls who were scarcely dressed.
Maybe, if luck was on my side and I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, this girl would end up my birthday present.
In your dreams, my conscious said.
Click here to read the first revision.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter’s twenty-third birthday brings him a boat party, strange presents, and a hook-up with sexy Melanie. An evening of pleasure turns into a night of survival when Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He is rescued by a mermaid and winds up on the beach the next morning, disoriented and having no clue what saved him until he discovers a girl with violet eyes washed up nearby. She can’t talk and has trouble walking. Sky believes the girl is the mermaid. Why she is a human now bewilders him, but her charm and innocence draws him to help her. He names her Pearl and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie is livid about Sky’s new girlfriend and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky refuses to give in to Melanie’s threats, certain that he can outsmart her. But when he discovers that Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to resist her magic long enough to save himself—and Pearl.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid meets Fatal Attraction. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
A few sample pages:
I knew Ronnie was going to surprise me with a party. But I didn’t know there’d be beer. I’m old enough to drink, but I prefer not to. Alcohol doesn’t get along with my stomach. And I do stupid shit when I’m drunk, like fall off a boat.
Or on that particular evening, fall off a boat while having sex with a beautiful girl.
***
“All aboard!” Ronnie surveyed the ladies as they strolled up the ramp, giggling like Paris Hilton wannabes. He twisted the side of his mouth into a lopsided grin and winked at me. “I picked a fine bunch, didn’t I?”
I rolled my eyes and set the tray of dipping snacks I was carrying on top of a table. The April wind raged without remorse; it’d be smart to put the food inside so nothing would blow away, but Ronnie wanted food and drinks to be accessible everywhere on the 32-meter yacht. He even put water bottles next to the toilet in case someone, probably me, got sick.
Best friends since the sandbox days. Ronnie and I always got along, despite our differences. I was the introvert. He was the extrovert, loud and obnoxious, always trying to be the center of attention. I preferred the sideline.
I watched from a distance as the girls promenaded in heels high enough to make my 6-feet-tall self feel midgetified. There were four girls altogether. I knew three of them; the fourth was a mystery.
She tagged behind the others, carrying a basket of cookies. I tried not to ogle, but she was like a goddess. Her eyes were green and sharp. Lengthy eyelashes, decorated with thick coats of mascara. Jet black hair glided across her shoulders effortlessly, not a tangle or curl in sight. I raked my eyes up and down her body, taking in her runway model stature. She was naturally tan; her arms seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her green cotton dress was not blatant or revealing, but fit her figure so perfectly, it made her more desirable than the other girls who were scarcely dressed.
Maybe, if luck was on my side and I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, this girl would end up my birthday present.
In your dreams, my conscious said.
Jul 9, 2010
Query - Dead Meat (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
I want to thank everyone who commented on the last version. Hopefully this one is a bit closer to the mark.
Dear Agent,
In my thriller Dead Meat, the only thing standing between America and a trumped-up war in a foreign land is a guy who drives a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham. But that’s just Gil Becker’s day job. See, he kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it, the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. They put Becker in the game to figure out who was really responsible for blowing up a Las Vegas casino, but the clues lead away from the Colombian revolutionaries who claimed credit, and closer to something more sinister in the old US of A.
So when five guys in body armor try to kill Becker while he’s singing off-key in the shower, he gets mad. He recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve pissed off the wrong guy, and now it’s personal.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
I want to thank everyone who commented on the last version. Hopefully this one is a bit closer to the mark.
Dear Agent,
In my thriller Dead Meat, the only thing standing between America and a trumped-up war in a foreign land is a guy who drives a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham. But that’s just Gil Becker’s day job. See, he kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it, the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. They put Becker in the game to figure out who was really responsible for blowing up a Las Vegas casino, but the clues lead away from the Colombian revolutionaries who claimed credit, and closer to something more sinister in the old US of A.
So when five guys in body armor try to kill Becker while he’s singing off-key in the shower, he gets mad. He recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve pissed off the wrong guy, and now it’s personal.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
Query- A Cover Story
This is just the meat of the query
Cleo Caswell never knew her father, but if he was of the same breed as her Las Vegas showgirl mother, one parent is plenty, thank you very much. Now, thanks to Mom and her mother's new lover, a not quite over-the-hill showgirl, Cleo has given up her shot at being a respected journalist for a job at a smarmy tabloid.
Not everything at the tabloid is repulsive however. Cleo certainly never expected anyone on the dark side would have her thinking wicked thoughts. But Alec is more than a pretty face (or even an enticing hardbody) as he proves when Cleo's mother is arrested for the murder of a Las Vegas casino owner. Cleo needs help to prove her mother's innocence, and if that means she has to pander to Alec's pursuit of a lurid story about murder, sex, and money, she'll do it. She won't like it but she might just learn that she doesn't have to win a Pulizer to be proud of what she does and that love can be found in the strangest places.
Thanks to all.
Cleo Caswell never knew her father, but if he was of the same breed as her Las Vegas showgirl mother, one parent is plenty, thank you very much. Now, thanks to Mom and her mother's new lover, a not quite over-the-hill showgirl, Cleo has given up her shot at being a respected journalist for a job at a smarmy tabloid.
Not everything at the tabloid is repulsive however. Cleo certainly never expected anyone on the dark side would have her thinking wicked thoughts. But Alec is more than a pretty face (or even an enticing hardbody) as he proves when Cleo's mother is arrested for the murder of a Las Vegas casino owner. Cleo needs help to prove her mother's innocence, and if that means she has to pander to Alec's pursuit of a lurid story about murder, sex, and money, she'll do it. She won't like it but she might just learn that she doesn't have to win a Pulizer to be proud of what she does and that love can be found in the strangest places.
Thanks to all.
Jul 7, 2010
Query- The Rain Legacy (revision 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
Yes, she may have snuck out in the middle of the night and followed her neighbour out of town. She was expecting to find adventure, not to overhear the woman meeting up with a nobleman who may or may not have been in love with her great-grandmother. Nor was she expecting her insignificant family to be targeted. It may be to late for her father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. She’s a chosen hero of her land’s Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the most corrupt man in the nation. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the murderer has centuries of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family.
Yes, she may have snuck out in the middle of the night and followed her neighbour out of town. She was expecting to find adventure, not to overhear the woman meeting up with a nobleman who may or may not have been in love with her great-grandmother. Nor was she expecting her insignificant family to be targeted. It may be to late for her father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. She’s a chosen hero of her land’s Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the most corrupt man in the nation. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. And never mind the murderer has centuries of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jul 6, 2010
Query- Seaweeds (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a man-killing siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter never thought turning twenty-three would bring him a boat party, strange presents, and birthday sex. He and his hook-up, Melanie, ride it out until Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He survives and winds up on the beach the next morning to discover a naked girl with violet eyes. She can’t talk, but her beauty and charm make her much more likable than sleazy Melanie. Sky is led to believe the girl is a mermaid and was the one that rescued him. He names her Pearl, teaches her to be human, and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie isn’t too thrilled about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky isn’t going to give in without a fight, but when he discovers Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to stop her before she kills him. Meanwhile, he faces the ultimate task of figuring out a way to prevent Pearl from turning back into a mermaid.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid with sex, violence, and alcohol. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
DATE
Dear AGENT,
On the shore, an unusual love triangle arises between a young man, a mermaid, and a man-killing siren in SEAWEEDS, a 65,000-word contemporary fantasy.
Sky Hunter never thought turning twenty-three would bring him a boat party, strange presents, and birthday sex. He and his hook-up, Melanie, ride it out until Sky falls off the boat and nearly drowns. He survives and winds up on the beach the next morning to discover a naked girl with violet eyes. She can’t talk, but her beauty and charm make her much more likable than sleazy Melanie. Sky is led to believe the girl is a mermaid and was the one that rescued him. He names her Pearl, teaches her to be human, and falls head over heels for her.
There’s just one problem. Melanie isn’t too thrilled about Sky’s new girlfriend. She slaughters his cat and threatens to murder his family if he chooses to stay with Pearl. Sky isn’t going to give in without a fight, but when he discovers Melanie is a siren who has to seduce a man before feeding him to the ocean, he must find a way to stop her before she kills him. Meanwhile, he faces the ultimate task of figuring out a way to prevent Pearl from turning back into a mermaid.
SEAWEEDS is The Little Mermaid with sex, violence, and alcohol. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
N. Blank
Jul 5, 2010
Query- The Rain Legacy (revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Lynette’s rule-breaking tendencies have only ever gotten her into trouble-- until she eavesdrops on a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away to spare the only family she has left from the same fate.
But fate won’t let Lynette run forever. She’s a chosen hero of the Goddess, and if she doesn’t take up arms and defend her continent, it will fall into the hands of the same villains who tore her family apart. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman with the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - The Silver Strand (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Dear [Agent],
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, set in both the east coast of Australia (Terra) and in the mythical underground city of Agartha (the hollow earth). It follows fourteen year old Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy.
After a bout of bullying, Isabelle Johns gives up her love of art. Six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers with a glowing strand of silver hair to help awaken her imagination.
Along the way, Isabelle is drawn into Agartha where the inhabitants fear human invasion to mine vast mineral deposits. When she and her mentors are accused of betraying Agartha, they are imprisoned. Under Agarthan law, her companions are helpless to use magic to open the cell lock, and earn injury trying. This rule does not apply to Terrans (humans), so she must tap into her magical imagination to escape. If she succeeds, she will fulfill her destiny to study magic in Agartha, and learn to manipulate energy using her mind.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Jul 3, 2010
Query: The Silver Strand
Dear [Agent],
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Fourteen year old ISABELLE JOHNS never dreamed her mind was capable of shooting feathers into a dartboard, let alone unlocking a prison cell.
Isabelle didn't think giving up her love of drawing would switch off her imagination, yet six months later, she struggles at school and is unable to draw. Now she must trust two complete strangers to help awaken her lost ability. Yet these are no ordinary strangers - each has a glowing silver strand of hair and can manipulate energy using their mind.
Restoring her imagination proves trickier than just completing three tests. No told her she’d dodge death and challenge a dragon. When things don’t go according to plan, Isabelle and her mentors are imprisoned as enemies of the hollow earth. Now she faces her most important test and must use her imagination to escape. In a world drenched with magic and the unexpected, Isabelle must decide if the risks are worth the destiny awaiting her in the underground city.
The Silver Strand is a 60,000 word young adult fantasy novel, filled with fairy-tale twists, a strange new world and unexpected challenges. It follows Isabelle's adventurous journey to conquer the wounds of her past, and to reawaken the magic in her mind. I am currently working on a second book about Isabelle and her study at Mastermind Academy within the hollow earth.
As per your submission guidelines, you will find X pages below. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Jul 2, 2010
QUERY- BEAUTY FOR ASHES (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Click here to read the first revision.
Ok, I have a revision. I softened the opening statements by inserting the word "feels" in ONE of the phrases but left it as-is in the other. Let me know if it helps take the sting out. I removed the ins. $$ and tightened up the rest. Here 'tis:
Dear [Agent],
I thought you would be interested in my book .
John Douglas feels betrayed by God when his wife and child are killed in a house fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John resists the incessant voice of the Lord whispering to his soul and numbs his pain with alcohol. But now the liquor isn’t enough to stave off his torment. Thoughts of suicide are interrupted when he meets April, a lookalike of his dead wife. She names her price, and he throws himself into the one-night fantasy. Come morning the illusion is shattered and John is assaulted by shame. Broken, he repents and finds comfort and restoration in God.
John is astounded by a second chance at love when he meets church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at approximately 93,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Jul 1, 2010
Query Revision: Beauty for Ashes
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent],
After wasting years of his life serving God, Jonathan Douglas is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed in a fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into alcohol to deaden his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze can't stave off his torment. Plans on how to end his life are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she names her price, he throws himself into the fantasy. Waking up in bed with the prostitute, the proverbial scales fall from John's eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
John is astounded to find love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April shows up claiming John is the father of her unborn child.
Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at 93,000 words. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Dear [Agent],
After wasting years of his life serving God, Jonathan Douglas is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed in a fire. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into alcohol to deaden his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze can't stave off his torment. Plans on how to end his life are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she names her price, he throws himself into the fantasy. Waking up in bed with the prostitute, the proverbial scales fall from John's eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
John is astounded to find love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April shows up claiming John is the father of her unborn child.
Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
BEAUTY FOR ASHES is a contemporary Christian novel standing at 93,000 words. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Michelle Massaro
Query- Kiromen
In the book, Kiromen, when spicy and sarcastic Chidrow Annabel Martins finds out that her supposedly long life love was dumping her to pursue his artistic dreams in the Empire State of Mind- New York, an utter series of depressions is straight on its way. Chidrow believes that nothing would ever be the same for her again. But everything changes when the mysterious Stephen Austin James runs into her life and changes the way she looks at the world.
The 49,000 words book, Kiromen, is a fantasy, yet inspirational, with a hint of romance for our young readers. Cynical Chidrow Martins is trying to get over first love by discovering that everything is not as it seems with her amazing friends and her always-there mother to lead her in evey step of the way. But just as she is beginning to feel like she would never be herself again, Chidrow meets the mystifying Stephen James that changed the world as she knew it.
From here, everything goes haywire as the two gets to know each other better through fights about missing purses, pricey checks, and the truth about who you are. But everything changes when Chidrow gets mysterious saved when falling from a buiding. Stephen is unwilling to speak of the secret that he is hiding; the secret that still kept Chidrow alive, and Chidrow's series of depression is turning into great series of fear with undying nightmares.
Stephen is still refusing to tell the truth about himself and Chidrow's supposedly long life love is back into the picture and wanting her back more than ever, with a demanding mother trying to save her only daughter from another heartbreak. But when the truth finally comes out, no one is prepared for what would come next as new unexpected characters come to show in this nerve racking novel.
My name is Blessing Okafor.I have always enjoyed writing and plan to further my writing skills with every novel that I write. Thank you for taking your time and reading this and I hope you get back to me with happy news.
From,
Me.
The 49,000 words book, Kiromen, is a fantasy, yet inspirational, with a hint of romance for our young readers. Cynical Chidrow Martins is trying to get over first love by discovering that everything is not as it seems with her amazing friends and her always-there mother to lead her in evey step of the way. But just as she is beginning to feel like she would never be herself again, Chidrow meets the mystifying Stephen James that changed the world as she knew it.
From here, everything goes haywire as the two gets to know each other better through fights about missing purses, pricey checks, and the truth about who you are. But everything changes when Chidrow gets mysterious saved when falling from a buiding. Stephen is unwilling to speak of the secret that he is hiding; the secret that still kept Chidrow alive, and Chidrow's series of depression is turning into great series of fear with undying nightmares.
Stephen is still refusing to tell the truth about himself and Chidrow's supposedly long life love is back into the picture and wanting her back more than ever, with a demanding mother trying to save her only daughter from another heartbreak. But when the truth finally comes out, no one is prepared for what would come next as new unexpected characters come to show in this nerve racking novel.
My name is Blessing Okafor.I have always enjoyed writing and plan to further my writing skills with every novel that I write. Thank you for taking your time and reading this and I hope you get back to me with happy news.
From,
Me.
Query- Liquid Smoke
Twenty-one-year-old Jenna Reece is the most supernaturally protected person on the planet. And she has no idea why.
When she was too young to remember, Jenna was involved in a fatal car crash with her mother. She should have died. But her mother begged God to take her instead, to leave Jenna safe and protected. God upheld his end of the bargain as Jenna emerged from the fatal crash unscathed and continued to escape from countless close calls and near-death experiences. Now little Jenna is all grown up and bound by God to pay her mother's debt.
After her twenty-first birthday, Jenna returns from summer break to her junior year in college and instantly falls for Seth, a newly enrolled senior, but soon finds his troubling past may be too much for her to handle.
Jenna finds out Seth was transferred to Western Washington University through the Witness Protection Agency because his father witnessed a murder that took place twenty years ago. A car crash, made to look like an accident. The very car crash Jenna survived.
When his cover is blown, Jenna and Seth race against time to uncover the mystery surrounding the fatal crash and the key to Jenna's supernatural protection is revealed.
My novel, entitled Liquid Smoke, is a young adult fantasy complete at 75,000 words. I would be happy to forward the manuscript upon request.
Cordially,
Julie Huerta
When she was too young to remember, Jenna was involved in a fatal car crash with her mother. She should have died. But her mother begged God to take her instead, to leave Jenna safe and protected. God upheld his end of the bargain as Jenna emerged from the fatal crash unscathed and continued to escape from countless close calls and near-death experiences. Now little Jenna is all grown up and bound by God to pay her mother's debt.
After her twenty-first birthday, Jenna returns from summer break to her junior year in college and instantly falls for Seth, a newly enrolled senior, but soon finds his troubling past may be too much for her to handle.
Jenna finds out Seth was transferred to Western Washington University through the Witness Protection Agency because his father witnessed a murder that took place twenty years ago. A car crash, made to look like an accident. The very car crash Jenna survived.
When his cover is blown, Jenna and Seth race against time to uncover the mystery surrounding the fatal crash and the key to Jenna's supernatural protection is revealed.
My novel, entitled Liquid Smoke, is a young adult fantasy complete at 75,000 words. I would be happy to forward the manuscript upon request.
Cordially,
Julie Huerta
Query- Back To Me (rewrite)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear [Agent]:
Kate Dalton and Jake Bailey were each other’s boomerang love – the person who comes back when you set them free. Or at least that’s what Kate had always thought.
Kate and Jake had both marveled over the years at how they found their way back to one another again and again. He’d supported her decision to move 3,000 miles to attend her dream law school, even though it meant they wouldn’t be together. He wasn’t perfect, he’d let his insecurities get in the way more than once over the years, but she knew he would jump in front of a freight train for her when it came right down to it.
It was an innate trust in the strength of their bond that had allowed them to let go of each other in the past. Not this time though. When an unexpected phone call ends their relationship, Kate is tortured by the realization that she’s lost Jake for good. As she struggles to imagine life without Jake, she becomes consumed with thoughts of him.
It’s not until her old friend, Charlie, moves back to town that Kate slowly begins to come back to life. When Charlie surprises her with a kiss one night, her childhood crush on him comes flooding back to the surface. Instead of being excited at the prospect of moving on, however, Kate is terrified that letting Charlie into her life means leaving Jake behind forever.
BACK TO ME is a completed women's fiction novel at 80,000 words.
I am a [profession], and my nonfiction book [title] is due out with [established publisher in this area of nonfiction] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known national publication] in their [ ] section, and have been published by a leading national journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [area of expertise from nonfiction book]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours truly,
[Name]
[Contact Info]
Dear [Agent]:
Kate Dalton and Jake Bailey were each other’s boomerang love – the person who comes back when you set them free. Or at least that’s what Kate had always thought.
Kate and Jake had both marveled over the years at how they found their way back to one another again and again. He’d supported her decision to move 3,000 miles to attend her dream law school, even though it meant they wouldn’t be together. He wasn’t perfect, he’d let his insecurities get in the way more than once over the years, but she knew he would jump in front of a freight train for her when it came right down to it.
It was an innate trust in the strength of their bond that had allowed them to let go of each other in the past. Not this time though. When an unexpected phone call ends their relationship, Kate is tortured by the realization that she’s lost Jake for good. As she struggles to imagine life without Jake, she becomes consumed with thoughts of him.
It’s not until her old friend, Charlie, moves back to town that Kate slowly begins to come back to life. When Charlie surprises her with a kiss one night, her childhood crush on him comes flooding back to the surface. Instead of being excited at the prospect of moving on, however, Kate is terrified that letting Charlie into her life means leaving Jake behind forever.
BACK TO ME is a completed women's fiction novel at 80,000 words.
I am a [profession], and my nonfiction book [title] is due out with [established publisher in this area of nonfiction] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known national publication] in their [ ] section, and have been published by a leading national journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [area of expertise from nonfiction book]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours truly,
[Name]
[Contact Info]
Jun 30, 2010
Query: The Rain Legacy (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Nothing good has ever come of Lynette always breaking her continent’s rules-- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister and steals away to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. Due to her ancestry, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle and defend the Goddess Arydne’s land. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman, or he’s got the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Nothing good has ever come of Lynette always breaking her continent’s rules-- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her dead father, but it’s not too late for Lynette. She takes her sister and steals away to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t run forever. Due to her ancestry, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle and defend the Goddess Arydne’s land. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is a high-standing nobleman, or he’s got the royal army backing him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette's going to bring a higher power into play- and get revenge while she’s at it.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, the expectation goes both ways.
THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000-word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 29, 2010
QUERY- A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH (Revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
HERE IS THE DRAFT QUERY OF A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH. Thank you for your comments they were really helpful and showed me things I never realised. Oh sorry for that, there are paragraphs I seemed to have forgotten. I have realized the bad thing on commenting on other books, thank you for that insight.
I hope this now ‘shows’ rather than telling.
Dear Agent,
A Rose and an Amaranth is an 115,000 word Young Adult complete manuscript and a first in a planned series with the sequels in outline. It is about a vampire who finds himself unworthy of a human girl to the extent of wanting to be human for her yet he does not realize her yearn to be like him.
Rosario Vinros is a hopeful girl waiting for the “climax” of her life to arrive. She is alive because she does not have the courage to commit suicide, but who said suicide is one way to die, there is however chancing on a hauntingly intoxicating vampire that she can provoke to get 'The Kiss' from. The problem is Daniel Heath Forsyth is damningly obsessed with finding his father, underlying is the stake at which Rosario's life lies for he chooses her out of the girls in the Catholic school to be his company, and no one seems to understand why. His plans get ruined when he realizes that he has fallen for the girl. He finds it possible to turn in to a human owing to a virus circulating in his world, and he feels he will now become worthy of her if he allows the virus to infect him, but three vampires have already died of it and he runs a high risk of dying too. Though everyone is going back for vaccination he chooses to risk everything.
Sadly, Rosario and his family come to learn that she is a latent vampire and is linked to someone she is obliged to marry and in their world infidelity is not taken lightly. She and Daniel part ways, and as she waits for her awakening to be triggered by this person she is to meet, she wonders what may come of her life and through this road she learns about the values of family and love and fighting for what you want.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
Click here to read the first revision.
HERE IS THE DRAFT QUERY OF A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH. Thank you for your comments they were really helpful and showed me things I never realised. Oh sorry for that, there are paragraphs I seemed to have forgotten. I have realized the bad thing on commenting on other books, thank you for that insight.
I hope this now ‘shows’ rather than telling.
Dear Agent,
A Rose and an Amaranth is an 115,000 word Young Adult complete manuscript and a first in a planned series with the sequels in outline. It is about a vampire who finds himself unworthy of a human girl to the extent of wanting to be human for her yet he does not realize her yearn to be like him.
Rosario Vinros is a hopeful girl waiting for the “climax” of her life to arrive. She is alive because she does not have the courage to commit suicide, but who said suicide is one way to die, there is however chancing on a hauntingly intoxicating vampire that she can provoke to get 'The Kiss' from. The problem is Daniel Heath Forsyth is damningly obsessed with finding his father, underlying is the stake at which Rosario's life lies for he chooses her out of the girls in the Catholic school to be his company, and no one seems to understand why. His plans get ruined when he realizes that he has fallen for the girl. He finds it possible to turn in to a human owing to a virus circulating in his world, and he feels he will now become worthy of her if he allows the virus to infect him, but three vampires have already died of it and he runs a high risk of dying too. Though everyone is going back for vaccination he chooses to risk everything.
Sadly, Rosario and his family come to learn that she is a latent vampire and is linked to someone she is obliged to marry and in their world infidelity is not taken lightly. She and Daniel part ways, and as she waits for her awakening to be triggered by this person she is to meet, she wonders what may come of her life and through this road she learns about the values of family and love and fighting for what you want.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
Query - Back to Me
Dear Agent,
Jake Bailey is Kate Dalton’s boomerang love, the person from the famous Richard Bach quote who comes back when you set them free. Unfortunately for Kate, good ole Richard never said anything about what it meant when this scenario happened over and over again.
No matter how many times Kate let Jake fly free into the world, he always came back when she least expected it. She’d try to move on with someone new only to come home from a wonderful date to find Jake on her doorstep. One look at those twinkling green eyes and that boyish grin and she couldn’t help but remember she loved him.
Now it’s been eight years since they first met and Kate finds herself faced with the realization that Jake won’t be coming back this time. As she reflects on their time together, she’s torn between the empty ache in her chest and the chance to start fresh with someone new. Can Kate learn how to say goodbye to someone she’s not certain she can live without?
"Back to Me" is a completed 80,000 word women’s fiction manuscript.
I am a [occupation] and soon-to-be published author. My nonfiction book [Title Redacted] is due out with [Publishing Company] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known publication] in their [name of section], and have been published by a leading journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [certain topics]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours truly,
[Hopeful Fiction Author]
Jake Bailey is Kate Dalton’s boomerang love, the person from the famous Richard Bach quote who comes back when you set them free. Unfortunately for Kate, good ole Richard never said anything about what it meant when this scenario happened over and over again.
No matter how many times Kate let Jake fly free into the world, he always came back when she least expected it. She’d try to move on with someone new only to come home from a wonderful date to find Jake on her doorstep. One look at those twinkling green eyes and that boyish grin and she couldn’t help but remember she loved him.
Now it’s been eight years since they first met and Kate finds herself faced with the realization that Jake won’t be coming back this time. As she reflects on their time together, she’s torn between the empty ache in her chest and the chance to start fresh with someone new. Can Kate learn how to say goodbye to someone she’s not certain she can live without?
"Back to Me" is a completed 80,000 word women’s fiction manuscript.
I am a [occupation] and soon-to-be published author. My nonfiction book [Title Redacted] is due out with [Publishing Company] in early 2011. I also write for [well-known publication] in their [name of section], and have been published by a leading journal, an online magazine and a number of news outlets and blogs for my work on [certain topics]. I make regular television appearances with [regional television network] and blog on their website. Though none of these experiences directly relates to writing fiction, all of them have given me opportunities to grow as a writer and have prepared me for the editing process.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours truly,
[Hopeful Fiction Author]
QUERY: LYNETTE RAIN: THE RAIN LEGACY
Dear [Agent],
Lynette’s never benefitted from constantly breaking the rules set down by the strict religious Continent of Arydnea- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her father, but she grabs her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away in the night to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t keep running forever. As the female descendant of a hero of the Goddess, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is the king’s best friend, or he’s got the royal army with him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette’s going to up the playing field.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, then the feeling’s mutual.
LYNETTE WALKER: THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000 word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely
[My name]
Lynette’s never benefitted from constantly breaking the rules set down by the strict religious Continent of Arydnea- until she eavesdrops on a conversation regarding a plot to murder her family. It may be too late for her father, but she grabs her sister, a sword, and a box she can’t open, and steals away in the night to escape the same fate.
But Lynette can’t keep running forever. As the female descendant of a hero of the Goddess, Lynette must take up the hero’s mantle. Never mind she’s thirteen. Never mind she doesn’t know how to swing a sword. Never mind the murderer is the king’s best friend, or he’s got the royal army with him. And never mind he has six hundred years of experience, because Lynette’s going to up the playing field.
If the Goddess expects miracles from Lynette, then the feeling’s mutual.
LYNETTE WALKER: THE RAIN LEGACY is a 40,000 word middle grade fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely
[My name]
Jun 28, 2010
Query for Beauty for Ashes
(note: this is a from-scratch version of a query I've been working on for weeks.)
Dear [Agent],
Jonathan Douglas wants to die. After wasting years of his life serving God, he is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into the alcohol that deadens his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze just isn’t enough to stave off the torment of his existence. Plans on how to get it done are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she propositions him, he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up in bed with the prostitute, and the proverbial scales fall from his eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
Second chances are seldom deserved, and John is astounded when he finds love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
Weaving the stories of three distinct characters together, BEAUTY FOR ASHES places the reader directly into the minds of its characters through first person narratives, allowing them to listen to their heart-cries and personal prayer lives.
This contemporary novel, standing at approximately 93,000 words, fits within the General Christian Fiction genre.
Key Selling Points
• The complicated connections between John, April, and Jenni set this story apart from most other books in the genre- it’s a triangle dominated by a different kind of Love.
• The first-person narratives, from each of the three main characters, allow the reader to identify with all sides of the unfolding story.
• The story does not end with John’s repentance and everything tied up in a pretty bow. It asks the question: “What happens after the prodigal returns home and the celebration has ended?” John must still deal with the profound consequences of his sin, and its effect on those around him. This is a powerful truth for the Christian which is sometimes ignored in our fiction.
This is a simultaneous query. Per your submission guidelines I have included the full synopsis and three sample chapters below. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Dear [Agent],
Jonathan Douglas wants to die. After wasting years of his life serving God, he is betrayed by Him when his wife and child are killed. On a rampage against the Almighty and his old moral code, John is pouring his insurance money into the alcohol that deadens his pain, never mind the incessant Voice that won’t quit calling to him. But now the booze just isn’t enough to stave off the torment of his existence. Plans on how to get it done are beginning to take shape when he meets April, a dead ringer for his deceased wife. When she propositions him, he throws himself into the fantasy. He wakes up in bed with the prostitute, and the proverbial scales fall from his eyes. Ashamed, he falls to his knees before God in the vomit-ridden bathroom of a Vegas hotel room where the Lord comforts and restores him.
Second chances are seldom deserved, and John is astounded when he finds love again with church-going Jenni. Their future together promises to be a happily-ever-after, until April makes her way to John’s doorstep claiming he is the father of her unborn child. Now John wrestles with his shameful past, Jenni faces insecurity and bitterness, and April doesn’t know what to make of all the “God talk” going on. For John and Jenni, it will take incredible faith to follow God through what is quickly becoming their darkest valley, but a willingness to surrender all could save a soul in the process.
Weaving the stories of three distinct characters together, BEAUTY FOR ASHES places the reader directly into the minds of its characters through first person narratives, allowing them to listen to their heart-cries and personal prayer lives.
This contemporary novel, standing at approximately 93,000 words, fits within the General Christian Fiction genre.
Key Selling Points
• The complicated connections between John, April, and Jenni set this story apart from most other books in the genre- it’s a triangle dominated by a different kind of Love.
• The first-person narratives, from each of the three main characters, allow the reader to identify with all sides of the unfolding story.
• The story does not end with John’s repentance and everything tied up in a pretty bow. It asks the question: “What happens after the prodigal returns home and the celebration has ended?” John must still deal with the profound consequences of his sin, and its effect on those around him. This is a powerful truth for the Christian which is sometimes ignored in our fiction.
This is a simultaneous query. Per your submission guidelines I have included the full synopsis and three sample chapters below. The full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Michelle
QUERY: LIFE FIRST
Strong-willed Kelsey Reed must escape tonight, or tomorrow her government will take one of her kidneys for someone else.
My 84,000 word dystopian thriller, Life First, is set150 years after a pandemic has wiped out 90 percent of the world’s population. Where Kelsey lives, society values life above all else. But, 23-year-old Kelsey bucks convention by refusing to give up her kidney to a stranger.
Kelsey has two things in her favor: (1) if she can escape to a neighboring country, she can keep her kidney; and (2) she’s got her boyfriend Luke and a dubious doctor to help her flee. The bad news is, if Kelsey doesn’t escape undetected, her government will convict her of failing to donate. The sentence: death through life-saving — forced donation of a heart, a lung, liver, pancreas, and whatever other useful parts the government can harvest.
My writing experience includes two years as a reporter at the [PUBLICATION REDACTED] and eight years reporting and editing for various trade publications, including [PUBLICATIONS REDACTED].
Per your submission instructions, I have enclosed the first XX pages of Life First. If you’re interested in seeing more, I’d be glad to send you the complete manuscript.
MYNAMEHERE
My 84,000 word dystopian thriller, Life First, is set150 years after a pandemic has wiped out 90 percent of the world’s population. Where Kelsey lives, society values life above all else. But, 23-year-old Kelsey bucks convention by refusing to give up her kidney to a stranger.
Kelsey has two things in her favor: (1) if she can escape to a neighboring country, she can keep her kidney; and (2) she’s got her boyfriend Luke and a dubious doctor to help her flee. The bad news is, if Kelsey doesn’t escape undetected, her government will convict her of failing to donate. The sentence: death through life-saving — forced donation of a heart, a lung, liver, pancreas, and whatever other useful parts the government can harvest.
My writing experience includes two years as a reporter at the [PUBLICATION REDACTED] and eight years reporting and editing for various trade publications, including [PUBLICATIONS REDACTED].
Per your submission instructions, I have enclosed the first XX pages of Life First. If you’re interested in seeing more, I’d be glad to send you the complete manuscript.
MYNAMEHERE
Jun 25, 2010
QUERY: A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
NOTE: I AM AN ASPIRING WRITER AND I FIND THIS QUITE INTERESTING TO PARTICIPATE IN, AND WOULD ADMIRE THE FEEDBACK. THANK YOU.
Dear Agent,
I found your website upon looking for representation of Young Adult, and having gone through your list of books I feel that mine fits in. I am hereby requesting for representation of my complete manuscript entitled A Rose and an Amaranth of 115,000 words, which is Young Adult fiction and it is a first in a planned series.
This manuscript consists of a creative history to the origination of vampires that is not found in the cliché yet excellent vampire craze novels; it has its own world and functions. It tackles the relationship between a teenage girl (who is about to transform) and a vampire (who is unaware of the girl's nature, and yearns to be human so he may prove himself worthy of her love) but both face a challenge as each tries to keep up with their very different worlds. They both come to realize that she is betrothed to someone else, and infidelity is not taken lightly in his world. This is an interracial love story with a supernatural twist.
It has diary entries from the vampire for readers to learn about its world and how it is run today, and what troubles modern-day vampires face. In addition, minor characters give notes and details of the epidemic history of vampires, their culture and customs. And through this, the main character, an 18yr old girl (Rosario Ntombi Vinros) learns about the pains of love, and to keep her social life normal while also having to keep to obligations even at her most volatile state. There is a different side to being a vampire that no one ever knew.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
NOTE: I AM AN ASPIRING WRITER AND I FIND THIS QUITE INTERESTING TO PARTICIPATE IN, AND WOULD ADMIRE THE FEEDBACK. THANK YOU.
Dear Agent,
I found your website upon looking for representation of Young Adult, and having gone through your list of books I feel that mine fits in. I am hereby requesting for representation of my complete manuscript entitled A Rose and an Amaranth of 115,000 words, which is Young Adult fiction and it is a first in a planned series.
This manuscript consists of a creative history to the origination of vampires that is not found in the cliché yet excellent vampire craze novels; it has its own world and functions. It tackles the relationship between a teenage girl (who is about to transform) and a vampire (who is unaware of the girl's nature, and yearns to be human so he may prove himself worthy of her love) but both face a challenge as each tries to keep up with their very different worlds. They both come to realize that she is betrothed to someone else, and infidelity is not taken lightly in his world. This is an interracial love story with a supernatural twist.
It has diary entries from the vampire for readers to learn about its world and how it is run today, and what troubles modern-day vampires face. In addition, minor characters give notes and details of the epidemic history of vampires, their culture and customs. And through this, the main character, an 18yr old girl (Rosario Ntombi Vinros) learns about the pains of love, and to keep her social life normal while also having to keep to obligations even at her most volatile state. There is a different side to being a vampire that no one ever knew.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I will be happy to send you my manuscript at your request. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me
Jun 24, 2010
QUERY - Dead Meat
Dear Agent:
In my thriller Dead Meat, Gil Becker just wants to be left alone in the abandoned brewery he calls home so he can perfect his beer recipe, but the guys who blew up the newest hotel and casino on the Las Vegas Strip didn’t get the memo. That’s when the call came in. His day job. Yeah, driving a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham sounds glamorous, but that’s just his cover.
See, Becker kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. That’s how Becker ends up driving the Ham-ster to Vegas just in time to get shot at by an old buddy of his from the FBI who’s working for the other team. Why he goes to Colombia to get intentionally abducted by the revolutionaries who’ve taken credit for the bombing, just so he can have a little chat with their reclusive leader.
But then the bad guys try to kill Becker in his own brewery. Well, technically it belongs to the IRS, but thanks to some sleight of hand they think it belongs to Homeland Security, who believes they transferred it to the CIA, who doesn’t care. Not the point. They came into his home, and now he’s mad. Becker recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve picked a fight with their own country to keep the gravy train rolling, and Becker is the one man standing in their way.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the 2007 ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
In my thriller Dead Meat, Gil Becker just wants to be left alone in the abandoned brewery he calls home so he can perfect his beer recipe, but the guys who blew up the newest hotel and casino on the Las Vegas Strip didn’t get the memo. That’s when the call came in. His day job. Yeah, driving a thirty-foot promotional vehicle shaped like a canned ham sounds glamorous, but that’s just his cover.
See, Becker kills people. Professionally. He’s so good at it the Department of Homeland Security thought he should work for them. That’s how Becker ends up driving the Ham-ster to Vegas just in time to get shot at by an old buddy of his from the FBI who’s working for the other team. Why he goes to Colombia to get intentionally abducted by the revolutionaries who’ve taken credit for the bombing, just so he can have a little chat with their reclusive leader.
But then the bad guys try to kill Becker in his own brewery. Well, technically it belongs to the IRS, but thanks to some sleight of hand they think it belongs to Homeland Security, who believes they transferred it to the CIA, who doesn’t care. Not the point. They came into his home, and now he’s mad. Becker recognizes one of the attackers: he works (worked) for one of those private contractors, run by a pair of guys he knew from his Navy days. Mercenaries. Men afraid of losing lucrative government contracts once America reduces its presence in the Middle East. They’ve picked a fight with their own country to keep the gravy train rolling, and Becker is the one man standing in their way.
Dead Meat weighs in at 68,700 words. I received First Place in the 1,000-Word Fiction Contest at the 2007 ---- Conference, and Honorable Mention in 2008. I am a member of the ---- Writer's Association. Upon request I can send you the complete manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Sincerely,
Me
Synopsis- Crucible of Silver
Click here to read revision 3 of the query.
Hi all. It was a lot to post, so this was intended to go with ver. 3 of the "Crucible of Silver" query:
Crucible of Silver
Synopsis
Silver Squirrel is enjoying a day of fun and games when he meets Sandy Brown, the daughter of one of the squirrel leaders. Silver is terribly timid. He’s had a hard and lonely first year of life and he hasn’t learned social skills. He even unwittingly embarrasses Sandy by implying that she has flees. She leaves red-faced, but he knows he likes her a lot.
A fire sweeps the forest. There are questions as to why all of a sudden, the woods have burst into flames, and Sandy is told to lie about it by her mother.
Silver reluctantly joins the colony, forced out of their homes. As the squirrels resettle, Silver takes refuge in the Lodge where he grew up. This is the home of Jacob, his old mentor. Here, he begins to form an emotional relationship with Sandy, but he’s restless, disquieted by ghosts from his past and a need to prove himself. He chooses rather to head out into the unknown where he finds that he feels more alone than ever.
An unusual friendship grows out of a chance encounter with a crow named Crackle, and this is the beginning of a number of schemes that the crows come up with. Deep down, his heart is pining away for Sandy.
Silver is confused. He doesn’t know what to make of these new feelings. He decides to meet Sandy again at a gathering the squirrels are holding as an excuse to get a look at the new stock. At the point of dusk, the hawk and a night owl, clash while trying to catch the same squirrel. This makes the animals yet more fearful and distrustful of birds, and Silver.
Despite all the problems the crows cause him, Silver takes an injured one named Morning into his home. She too was attacked by the hawk. Silver relates. He wonders about these attacks of the hawk’s and about stories he’s heard of her, if there’s something more going on than can be seen.
He confides in the crows his feelings for Sandy, and they soon begin a matchmaking scheme. They lure Sandy into a game of chase – all the squirrels play at it – only it’s not just a game. Sandy is feeling the effects of spring fever, and she quickly puts Silver in his place, by biting him.
He returns to the crows, dejected. He decides honesty is best and goes nervously to tell Sandy the whole truth. Sandy decides reluctantly to helps the crows, though she fears them so much, and now distrusts Silver.
Time passes and the crows move on, devastating Silver. He is alone again in the dead of winter. His strength is all but gone when a new predator catches his scent, some ermines. Silver flees to the one place where there might be a glimmer of life, the Lodge. He finds it bustling. The community has taken shelter there too. Silver now has no option but to work hard and fit in. The animals are sending out cache-raiding parties. The leaders are presenting a discourse on the dangers of the new predator, Sandy is dreaming of weasel skeletons, and everything that happens seems to keep Silver and Sandy apart.
Old Jacob has choked. Silver is heartbroken and doesn’t know how to cope with the loss, or with the leaders telling him what to do. The whole thing finally comes to blow. The ermines pick that moment to start their assault on the Lodge.
The group begins a retreat. Silver pulls himself together and fights for the girl he loves and saves her in a mid-air chase through top of the lodge. Now the animals are out in the cold with no provisions. They survive the only way they can, even if it means eating old dry bones in the snow.
Silver wants to take Sandy someplace better, but he discovers that Sandy’s mother and the other leaders where the ones who set the fire and caused all this mayhem, this terrible chain of events that lead to their ruin.
Silver’s been used and abused by them for far too long. He storms out, finding that his only remaining food has been stolen. He hunts down the little bird that did it and sits down, perplexed. There, he admits to himself that he just can't make things right. He wants to live, but he just doesn’t know how. He’s ready to give up, and he discovers that there is only one option that has any merit, to forgive.
He takes his idea to Sandy, and together they talk to the leaders and tell them of their forgiveness, and propose a plan to save them all. Soon, a whole expedition is put together to return to their original home that will soon be sprouting with new life. It’s a good plan.
All is going well, until the ermines catch up with them. Their trip becomes a gauntlet of attacks until the group is split up. Silver and Sandy are surrounded. Only at the last moment, the hawk intervenes. She takes Silver in her clawstaking him up to her mate. She’s been planning something for a long time, ever since Silver was together with the crows.
It’s no use trying to get loose. “Our leg bones lock into place,” says the hawk. “That’s how we sleep while perched.”
The hawk’s mate no longer hunts for himself. He’s become old and useless, though once the fiercest hunter in the sky. He was the one that killed Silver’s mother, while hunting in a pair with the female. Silver's terrified, but he taunts the male hawk. He sings of his worthlessness for all to hear, as far as his tiny voice will carry from the hillside. The male is irate. Finally, when he gets the right moment, Silver jumps from the hill.
The female hawk dives and saves him from being crushed. She explains to him her plan to humiliate her mate, perhaps the only to motivate him to live again.
The hawk has completed her plan. Silver is broken at having been used by his worst enemy. This is an offense he doesn’t know how to forgive. Life has taken such a hard turn.
The hawk at last leaves him alone again. He finds Sandy and they take comfort in each others embrace. They contemplate life and wonder what such an unsure future holds. They know only one thing, they yet have a destiny together, and they want to be together for as long as it lasts.
Hi all. It was a lot to post, so this was intended to go with ver. 3 of the "Crucible of Silver" query:
Crucible of Silver
Synopsis
Silver Squirrel is enjoying a day of fun and games when he meets Sandy Brown, the daughter of one of the squirrel leaders. Silver is terribly timid. He’s had a hard and lonely first year of life and he hasn’t learned social skills. He even unwittingly embarrasses Sandy by implying that she has flees. She leaves red-faced, but he knows he likes her a lot.
A fire sweeps the forest. There are questions as to why all of a sudden, the woods have burst into flames, and Sandy is told to lie about it by her mother.
Silver reluctantly joins the colony, forced out of their homes. As the squirrels resettle, Silver takes refuge in the Lodge where he grew up. This is the home of Jacob, his old mentor. Here, he begins to form an emotional relationship with Sandy, but he’s restless, disquieted by ghosts from his past and a need to prove himself. He chooses rather to head out into the unknown where he finds that he feels more alone than ever.
An unusual friendship grows out of a chance encounter with a crow named Crackle, and this is the beginning of a number of schemes that the crows come up with. Deep down, his heart is pining away for Sandy.
Silver is confused. He doesn’t know what to make of these new feelings. He decides to meet Sandy again at a gathering the squirrels are holding as an excuse to get a look at the new stock. At the point of dusk, the hawk and a night owl, clash while trying to catch the same squirrel. This makes the animals yet more fearful and distrustful of birds, and Silver.
Despite all the problems the crows cause him, Silver takes an injured one named Morning into his home. She too was attacked by the hawk. Silver relates. He wonders about these attacks of the hawk’s and about stories he’s heard of her, if there’s something more going on than can be seen.
He confides in the crows his feelings for Sandy, and they soon begin a matchmaking scheme. They lure Sandy into a game of chase – all the squirrels play at it – only it’s not just a game. Sandy is feeling the effects of spring fever, and she quickly puts Silver in his place, by biting him.
He returns to the crows, dejected. He decides honesty is best and goes nervously to tell Sandy the whole truth. Sandy decides reluctantly to helps the crows, though she fears them so much, and now distrusts Silver.
Time passes and the crows move on, devastating Silver. He is alone again in the dead of winter. His strength is all but gone when a new predator catches his scent, some ermines. Silver flees to the one place where there might be a glimmer of life, the Lodge. He finds it bustling. The community has taken shelter there too. Silver now has no option but to work hard and fit in. The animals are sending out cache-raiding parties. The leaders are presenting a discourse on the dangers of the new predator, Sandy is dreaming of weasel skeletons, and everything that happens seems to keep Silver and Sandy apart.
Old Jacob has choked. Silver is heartbroken and doesn’t know how to cope with the loss, or with the leaders telling him what to do. The whole thing finally comes to blow. The ermines pick that moment to start their assault on the Lodge.
The group begins a retreat. Silver pulls himself together and fights for the girl he loves and saves her in a mid-air chase through top of the lodge. Now the animals are out in the cold with no provisions. They survive the only way they can, even if it means eating old dry bones in the snow.
Silver wants to take Sandy someplace better, but he discovers that Sandy’s mother and the other leaders where the ones who set the fire and caused all this mayhem, this terrible chain of events that lead to their ruin.
Silver’s been used and abused by them for far too long. He storms out, finding that his only remaining food has been stolen. He hunts down the little bird that did it and sits down, perplexed. There, he admits to himself that he just can't make things right. He wants to live, but he just doesn’t know how. He’s ready to give up, and he discovers that there is only one option that has any merit, to forgive.
He takes his idea to Sandy, and together they talk to the leaders and tell them of their forgiveness, and propose a plan to save them all. Soon, a whole expedition is put together to return to their original home that will soon be sprouting with new life. It’s a good plan.
All is going well, until the ermines catch up with them. Their trip becomes a gauntlet of attacks until the group is split up. Silver and Sandy are surrounded. Only at the last moment, the hawk intervenes. She takes Silver in her clawstaking him up to her mate. She’s been planning something for a long time, ever since Silver was together with the crows.
It’s no use trying to get loose. “Our leg bones lock into place,” says the hawk. “That’s how we sleep while perched.”
The hawk’s mate no longer hunts for himself. He’s become old and useless, though once the fiercest hunter in the sky. He was the one that killed Silver’s mother, while hunting in a pair with the female. Silver's terrified, but he taunts the male hawk. He sings of his worthlessness for all to hear, as far as his tiny voice will carry from the hillside. The male is irate. Finally, when he gets the right moment, Silver jumps from the hill.
The female hawk dives and saves him from being crushed. She explains to him her plan to humiliate her mate, perhaps the only to motivate him to live again.
The hawk has completed her plan. Silver is broken at having been used by his worst enemy. This is an offense he doesn’t know how to forgive. Life has taken such a hard turn.
The hawk at last leaves him alone again. He finds Sandy and they take comfort in each others embrace. They contemplate life and wonder what such an unsure future holds. They know only one thing, they yet have a destiny together, and they want to be together for as long as it lasts.
QUERY- DEMON HUNT
Created from follwoing a help book strictly.
Dear…
I am writing to you because you represented TITLE by AUTHOR, and I feel my book is similar.
My book takes place in the present day, over a six month period, in the magical realm of Veneseron. The novel is in the vein of Harry Potter, crossed with the Demonata series. Fifteen year old Evan Umbra, reclusive orphan and bully victim, is ripped from our world by a demon, but saved and taken by a warrior to Veneseron. Evan trains in magic and weaponry to become a demon hunter and protector of the worlds, finding friendship and romance on the way. But demons continue to hunt him for he is demon spawn- the key to the dark god’s rebirth, or his demise. The demon god once ruled all the realms, and his Dread lords will stop at nothing to bring him back.
From learning to harness the power of the elements to riding dragons, DEMON HUNT- is an 84,000 word young adult, fantasy novel available to you for representation. Thank you sincerely for taking the time to consider my work.
Dear…
I am writing to you because you represented TITLE by AUTHOR, and I feel my book is similar.
My book takes place in the present day, over a six month period, in the magical realm of Veneseron. The novel is in the vein of Harry Potter, crossed with the Demonata series. Fifteen year old Evan Umbra, reclusive orphan and bully victim, is ripped from our world by a demon, but saved and taken by a warrior to Veneseron. Evan trains in magic and weaponry to become a demon hunter and protector of the worlds, finding friendship and romance on the way. But demons continue to hunt him for he is demon spawn- the key to the dark god’s rebirth, or his demise. The demon god once ruled all the realms, and his Dread lords will stop at nothing to bring him back.
From learning to harness the power of the elements to riding dragons, DEMON HUNT- is an 84,000 word young adult, fantasy novel available to you for representation. Thank you sincerely for taking the time to consider my work.
Jun 23, 2010
Success Story!
NOTE: The queries for this book have been taken down at the author's request. The working title was ENEMIES OF TIME. Thanks to all who make this site what it is; as the moderator, my role is minimal. The commentors are the ones who bring the value, and those brave enough to share their work provide the platform.
Dear Rick,
Since my deal went public this morning, I wanted to write an official thank you letter for starting The Public Query Slushpile blog. I began reading queries on your blog sometime last May (2009) and it took me until the end of July (I think) to actually post one of my own.
After it posted, I was so nervous, waiting to see if anyone responded. At the time it was the hardest thing I had ever done with my writing.
But I survived both the good and the bad feedback and slowly, with each post, my skin got a little thicker and I really learned to listen to what others were saying.
Right now, I probably hold the record for the most queries and sample pages posted on The Public Query Slushpile. Seriously, I've put up a ton. A few people even came back and put a second comment after I had written my thank you comment. One person said something like, "Dang Julie, this is your query. How many books have you written?"
Like most writers, amazing words and perfect prose didn't just fall onto the page for me. I had to write lots and lots of bad stuff before I got to something that made one agent and one editor say, "I think this could be a good book." This, of course, followed many rejections and rewrites.
But still, neither said I was done. Nor did they say it was perfect. Not even close. And if it weren't for all the people who gave honest critique and feedback on my queries and sample pages, I would probably be hiding under my bed now, never wanting to come out.
Instead, I listened to everything an editor told me was wrong with my book and then I started sending chapters that were better. Not perfect, but better. Then he got excited because I was so open to revisions and asked for more. Alas, a book was made! And there is still lots more editing to come.
Writing is just like the saying "It takes a town to raise a child." It takes a community like The Public Query Slushpile to make a an aspiring writer into an accomplished writer. At least this is what happened with a new writer like me. Maybe others can do it alone but I know I couldn't.
Thank you Rick and all your many followers!
Julie Cross
P.S. feel free to post this if you would like! I'm pasting my official PMP announcement below. It is a YA book but my editor wanted to call it Debut Fiction for some reason.
--
Julie Cross
wannabewriter2009@gmail.com
http://diaryofanunpublishedwannabewriter.blogspot.com/
Publishers Marketplace
New deals for June 23, 2010
FICTION
Debut
Julie Cross's TEMPEST, the first in a trilogy about a 19-year-old time traveler who witnesses his girlfriend's murder and inadvertently jumps back two years; stuck there, he's recruited by a shadowy government agency run by the man he thought was his father and vows to save his girlfriend no matter the cost, pitched as "Twilight" meets "The Time Traveler's Wife," to Brendan Deneen at Thomas Dunne Books, in a pre-empt, by Suzie Townsend at FinePrint Literary Management (World).
Dear Rick,
Since my deal went public this morning, I wanted to write an official thank you letter for starting The Public Query Slushpile blog. I began reading queries on your blog sometime last May (2009) and it took me until the end of July (I think) to actually post one of my own.
After it posted, I was so nervous, waiting to see if anyone responded. At the time it was the hardest thing I had ever done with my writing.
But I survived both the good and the bad feedback and slowly, with each post, my skin got a little thicker and I really learned to listen to what others were saying.
Right now, I probably hold the record for the most queries and sample pages posted on The Public Query Slushpile. Seriously, I've put up a ton. A few people even came back and put a second comment after I had written my thank you comment. One person said something like, "Dang Julie, this is your query. How many books have you written?"
Like most writers, amazing words and perfect prose didn't just fall onto the page for me. I had to write lots and lots of bad stuff before I got to something that made one agent and one editor say, "I think this could be a good book." This, of course, followed many rejections and rewrites.
But still, neither said I was done. Nor did they say it was perfect. Not even close. And if it weren't for all the people who gave honest critique and feedback on my queries and sample pages, I would probably be hiding under my bed now, never wanting to come out.
Instead, I listened to everything an editor told me was wrong with my book and then I started sending chapters that were better. Not perfect, but better. Then he got excited because I was so open to revisions and asked for more. Alas, a book was made! And there is still lots more editing to come.
Writing is just like the saying "It takes a town to raise a child." It takes a community like The Public Query Slushpile to make a an aspiring writer into an accomplished writer. At least this is what happened with a new writer like me. Maybe others can do it alone but I know I couldn't.
Thank you Rick and all your many followers!
Julie Cross
P.S. feel free to post this if you would like! I'm pasting my official PMP announcement below. It is a YA book but my editor wanted to call it Debut Fiction for some reason.
--
Julie Cross
wannabewriter2009@gmail.com
http://diaryofanunpublishedwannabewriter.blogspot.com/
Publishers Marketplace
New deals for June 23, 2010
FICTION
Debut
Julie Cross's TEMPEST, the first in a trilogy about a 19-year-old time traveler who witnesses his girlfriend's murder and inadvertently jumps back two years; stuck there, he's recruited by a shadowy government agency run by the man he thought was his father and vows to save his girlfriend no matter the cost, pitched as "Twilight" meets "The Time Traveler's Wife," to Brendan Deneen at Thomas Dunne Books, in a pre-empt, by Suzie Townsend at FinePrint Literary Management (World).
Jun 22, 2010
QUERY: A ROSE AND AN AMARANTH
NOTE:I AM AN ASPIRING WRITER AND I FIND THIS REALLY INTERESTING, HARMLESS AND HELPFUL TO PARTICIPATE IN, SO I WOULD ADMIRE ANY FEEDBACK FROM OTHER WRITERS.
Dear Agent,
After visiting your site I think that my novel fits well into what you are looking for. A Rose and an Amaranth is an 115,000 word Young Adult complete manuscript and a first in a planned series with the sequels in outline. What makes my novel unique is the creativity it is has to the original vampire myth and the history about their existence, and how their world functions. It is about a vampire who finds himself unworthy of a human girl to the extent of wanting to be human for her again-which is possible- yet he does not realize her yearn to be like him.
A concoction of love and death do intermix and there is no age restriction to drink of the cup, especially for these two. The interactions are at a Catholic school which is ironic for a vampire to be at, the prayers are no way close to innocence. Rosario is a very hopeful girl waiting on the “climax” of her life to arrive. The only reason she is adamantly alive is she does not have the courage to commit suicide, but who said suicide is the only death that you can try, there is chancing on a hauntingly intoxicating vampire that she can provoke to get 'The Kiss' from, especially when blood is addictively irresistible. But this new brood, Daniel Heath Forsyth, is damningly obsessed with finding his father, underlying this is the stake at which Rosario's life lies for he chooses her out of the girls in school to be his company. Blood, lust, love are an intricate in this novel that create an inner conflict in the character, with diary entries(by the vampire) and notes about the epidemic history of their existence the reader is able to whelm in this world and learn about the rulers and type of organizations it has.
Daniel Heath Forsyth finds it possible to turn into a human due to a virus circulating in his world, and he feels he will now become worthy of her if he allows the infection to succumb him, only thing is three vampires have already died from it and there is a high risk that he may too. Everyone in his world is going for vaccination, but the only sickness maddening him is his attraction to Rosario, it seems someone is unstable from the drink. Sadly for our star-crossed lovers Rosario and his family come to learn that she is a latent vampire and is linked to someone to whom, she is obliged to marry. And in their world infidelity is not taken lightly. She and Daniel have to go their different ways, and as she waits for her awakening to be triggered by this person she is to meet, she wonders just what may come of her life and through this road she learns through suffrage of values of family and love and fighting for what you want.
This is my first novel, and I am currently 2nd year Architecture. I have studied Literature through my Secondary School years, and through an English Language coarse students of this genre were interested in it.
Thank you for your time and consideration and I would be happy to send you my complete manuscript at your request.
Dear Agent,
After visiting your site I think that my novel fits well into what you are looking for. A Rose and an Amaranth is an 115,000 word Young Adult complete manuscript and a first in a planned series with the sequels in outline. What makes my novel unique is the creativity it is has to the original vampire myth and the history about their existence, and how their world functions. It is about a vampire who finds himself unworthy of a human girl to the extent of wanting to be human for her again-which is possible- yet he does not realize her yearn to be like him.
A concoction of love and death do intermix and there is no age restriction to drink of the cup, especially for these two. The interactions are at a Catholic school which is ironic for a vampire to be at, the prayers are no way close to innocence. Rosario is a very hopeful girl waiting on the “climax” of her life to arrive. The only reason she is adamantly alive is she does not have the courage to commit suicide, but who said suicide is the only death that you can try, there is chancing on a hauntingly intoxicating vampire that she can provoke to get 'The Kiss' from, especially when blood is addictively irresistible. But this new brood, Daniel Heath Forsyth, is damningly obsessed with finding his father, underlying this is the stake at which Rosario's life lies for he chooses her out of the girls in school to be his company. Blood, lust, love are an intricate in this novel that create an inner conflict in the character, with diary entries(by the vampire) and notes about the epidemic history of their existence the reader is able to whelm in this world and learn about the rulers and type of organizations it has.
Daniel Heath Forsyth finds it possible to turn into a human due to a virus circulating in his world, and he feels he will now become worthy of her if he allows the infection to succumb him, only thing is three vampires have already died from it and there is a high risk that he may too. Everyone in his world is going for vaccination, but the only sickness maddening him is his attraction to Rosario, it seems someone is unstable from the drink. Sadly for our star-crossed lovers Rosario and his family come to learn that she is a latent vampire and is linked to someone to whom, she is obliged to marry. And in their world infidelity is not taken lightly. She and Daniel have to go their different ways, and as she waits for her awakening to be triggered by this person she is to meet, she wonders just what may come of her life and through this road she learns through suffrage of values of family and love and fighting for what you want.
This is my first novel, and I am currently 2nd year Architecture. I have studied Literature through my Secondary School years, and through an English Language coarse students of this genre were interested in it.
Thank you for your time and consideration and I would be happy to send you my complete manuscript at your request.
Query- Winter Roses Never Die (fifth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Well, blog regulars, I think this time - with your much appreciated help - I've nailed it. Thanks to everyone and especially Rick.
Dear Agent,
Jennie works opposite the abandoned Catholic cemetery at the Sycamore Public Library and first notices Charos while taking a shortcut home through the sprawling grounds. The darkly beautiful man seated in a wheelchair beside the grave covered in ruby red roses is rather hard to miss - as are the roses. While the grounds are overgrown with weeds and self-sown flowers, the roses are the jewels of the cemetery. Hidden behind ivy-covered bluestone walls, this deserted place appears so timeless and wildly beautiful she speculates that fairies could come and go here unnoticed by human kind. As the mysterious man is often beside the rosy grave site, she finally plucks up courage to introduce herself, but Charos shows little interest. However one 'man' always has time for her. During her daily - and nightly - treks, she stops to speak to the life-like statue of the Christ and sometimes receives guiding and uplifting 'inspirationals'.
Despite his initial coolness, Charos seems to warm when she shows interest in the many roses flourishing in mid-winter. He tells her they will never die only sleep through summer and return in winter 'when she is needed the most'. As they spend more time together, Jennie discovers that Charos is a force of nature, irresistable and dangerous, and soons falls under the spell of his fey charm. Although he remains an unpredictable mystery, Jennie feels he's the one person who understands her imaginative beliefs and sees her real worth.
Come late spring the winter roses and Charos disappear leaving her in despair. So begins Jennie's quest to discover the truth and to bring him back into her life. Only the magical winter roses will enable her to understand Charo's surreal world. And only the 'Man' Jennie needs the most can arm her with the wisdom and confidence she needs to win the love of the man who needs her the most and restore his soul so he can live and love again.
Winter Roses Never Die is a surreal ride into a world of paranormal relationships, mythical creatures and mystical Christianity. The story is complete at 95,000 words.
Thank you for your time and look forward to hearing from you.
Wendy Peterson
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Well, blog regulars, I think this time - with your much appreciated help - I've nailed it. Thanks to everyone and especially Rick.
Dear Agent,
Jennie works opposite the abandoned Catholic cemetery at the Sycamore Public Library and first notices Charos while taking a shortcut home through the sprawling grounds. The darkly beautiful man seated in a wheelchair beside the grave covered in ruby red roses is rather hard to miss - as are the roses. While the grounds are overgrown with weeds and self-sown flowers, the roses are the jewels of the cemetery. Hidden behind ivy-covered bluestone walls, this deserted place appears so timeless and wildly beautiful she speculates that fairies could come and go here unnoticed by human kind. As the mysterious man is often beside the rosy grave site, she finally plucks up courage to introduce herself, but Charos shows little interest. However one 'man' always has time for her. During her daily - and nightly - treks, she stops to speak to the life-like statue of the Christ and sometimes receives guiding and uplifting 'inspirationals'.
Despite his initial coolness, Charos seems to warm when she shows interest in the many roses flourishing in mid-winter. He tells her they will never die only sleep through summer and return in winter 'when she is needed the most'. As they spend more time together, Jennie discovers that Charos is a force of nature, irresistable and dangerous, and soons falls under the spell of his fey charm. Although he remains an unpredictable mystery, Jennie feels he's the one person who understands her imaginative beliefs and sees her real worth.
Come late spring the winter roses and Charos disappear leaving her in despair. So begins Jennie's quest to discover the truth and to bring him back into her life. Only the magical winter roses will enable her to understand Charo's surreal world. And only the 'Man' Jennie needs the most can arm her with the wisdom and confidence she needs to win the love of the man who needs her the most and restore his soul so he can live and love again.
Winter Roses Never Die is a surreal ride into a world of paranormal relationships, mythical creatures and mystical Christianity. The story is complete at 95,000 words.
Thank you for your time and look forward to hearing from you.
Wendy Peterson
Jun 21, 2010
Query- Cardinal in a Cage of Bone
Amongst the last to pursue a "vanity degree" before the current recession, Laura Locksley matriculates into the zany Modern Arts University, where hedonism and instability splatter the students like paint on a Jackson Pollock canvas. She explores music, intoxication, sex, inspiration, and artifice; young and confused in a time when The Happiest Place on Earth has 360º cameras, New York businessmen commit suicide at the office, and surgically-enhanced faces drink from the Fountain of Youth.
Despite her sunglasses, ipod, vodka-filled flask, elaborate make up and clothing (buffers against humanity), Laura becomes infatuated with disaffected boys, endures family conflict, and meets an array of undergrads in grungy basement parties and on the cobblestone streets of Philadelphia. Cardinal in a Cage of Bone captures the magic of the internal life of an artist, overstimulation and subsequent boredom, the inability to handle angst-kissed passions without the aid of a glowing touchscreen. As reality looms and the ghosts of lost companions linger like smoke from their now-extinguished cigarettes, the kids accept their diplomas and think, With so much progress, why do we feel like failures?
I am a 2008 graduate of _______ in Philadelphia with a BA in Music Composition. While studying creative writing, I completed two short story collections and tutored for the writing department.
Cardinal in a Cage of Bone is a completed, 81,000 word novel in the literary fiction genre. Please let me know if you would be interested in reading sample chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration.
All the best,
____________________
Despite her sunglasses, ipod, vodka-filled flask, elaborate make up and clothing (buffers against humanity), Laura becomes infatuated with disaffected boys, endures family conflict, and meets an array of undergrads in grungy basement parties and on the cobblestone streets of Philadelphia. Cardinal in a Cage of Bone captures the magic of the internal life of an artist, overstimulation and subsequent boredom, the inability to handle angst-kissed passions without the aid of a glowing touchscreen. As reality looms and the ghosts of lost companions linger like smoke from their now-extinguished cigarettes, the kids accept their diplomas and think, With so much progress, why do we feel like failures?
I am a 2008 graduate of _______ in Philadelphia with a BA in Music Composition. While studying creative writing, I completed two short story collections and tutored for the writing department.
Cardinal in a Cage of Bone is a completed, 81,000 word novel in the literary fiction genre. Please let me know if you would be interested in reading sample chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration.
All the best,
____________________
Jun 19, 2010
Query- Crucible of Silver (revision 3)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Silver squirrel has tried everything and failed. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! ”
Silver’s faced predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home. Does he have to forgive them now?
He’s come a long way from insignificant beginnings under a stump. He was timid and immature. Now, he’s just ruined, but perhaps he’s learned how to love. He loved Sandy Brown, that’s for sure. He has grown. Maybe it was a refining fire that got him here.
An idea begins to form, a plan, not just to save himself, but all of them. Old Jacob used to say he had a special destiny. This might be it. He’ll face the hawk who’s taken so many squirrels, but if it works, he’ll have this one treasure, Sandy by his side.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story completed at 70,000 words.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally copy edited. There are two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals, forming a trilogy. The series has been in the works for 16 years, while I spent time in the wilderness. There are allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not religious in nature. It’s intended the be good clean fun. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a huge influence as well, existing in a very similar universe.
According to your submission guidelines, I have included a synopsis and the first chapter of the manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Silver squirrel has tried everything and failed. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! ”
Silver’s faced predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home. Does he have to forgive them now?
He’s come a long way from insignificant beginnings under a stump. He was timid and immature. Now, he’s just ruined, but perhaps he’s learned how to love. He loved Sandy Brown, that’s for sure. He has grown. Maybe it was a refining fire that got him here.
An idea begins to form, a plan, not just to save himself, but all of them. Old Jacob used to say he had a special destiny. This might be it. He’ll face the hawk who’s taken so many squirrels, but if it works, he’ll have this one treasure, Sandy by his side.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story completed at 70,000 words.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally copy edited. There are two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals, forming a trilogy. The series has been in the works for 16 years, while I spent time in the wilderness. There are allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not religious in nature. It’s intended the be good clean fun. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a huge influence as well, existing in a very similar universe.
According to your submission guidelines, I have included a synopsis and the first chapter of the manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 16, 2010
Query- Crucible of Silver (revision 2)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thank you all for your comments. I am still trying to find the right take on this story, what's important, and what isn't and battling the line between too little and too much.
Silver squirrel has come to his end. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! I said I was willing to face death, but you’ve shown me to be a coward. I want to be proud, but you make me ashamed. I’m angry, but you would make me forgive. I tried to live by faith, but now I fear I will die.”
Silver’s facing predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home due to some forgotten blight. Now, all he can do, is forgive them.
He’s come a long way from his humble beginnings under a stump. He was timid and immature. Now, he’s just ruined, but he’s learned how to forgive and how to love. It was a refining fire, of sorts, that got him here. If somehow he survives, perhaps he’ll yet be ready for a special kind of destiny.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story for older m/g and up, completed at 70,000 words.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thank you all for your comments. I am still trying to find the right take on this story, what's important, and what isn't and battling the line between too little and too much.
Silver squirrel has come to his end. “God!” he cries out. “I want to live! I said I was willing to face death, but you’ve shown me to be a coward. I want to be proud, but you make me ashamed. I’m angry, but you would make me forgive. I tried to live by faith, but now I fear I will die.”
Silver’s facing predators, bitter cold and embitterment inside, and all because the squirrel leaders burned down his home due to some forgotten blight. Now, all he can do, is forgive them.
He’s come a long way from his humble beginnings under a stump. He was timid and immature. Now, he’s just ruined, but he’s learned how to forgive and how to love. It was a refining fire, of sorts, that got him here. If somehow he survives, perhaps he’ll yet be ready for a special kind of destiny.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story for older m/g and up, completed at 70,000 words.
QUERY - SPYRE REVISION 1
Click here to read the original query.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I wish I'd found this site 4 months ago.
Some of you said that you'd like me to add more to the synopsis part of the query. I feel that "less is more" when it comes to a query's synopsis. That way, it garners more interest from prospective agents. I thought that going into more detail would be reserved for a full-paged synopsis. So I'm a little conflicted on that part of the query. However, I've added another paragraph (it's in italics) to see how that works.
I'm certainly open to more constructive criticism since I've sent out multiple versions of this query to over 50 agents and have received 27 rejections and only 1 request to see more pages. Thanks again for you help and let me know what you think:
There was no way for Alex Laxa to know that asking out a girl could land him in so much trouble. When Alex, a shy and uninspired waylei dealer, chases after a beautiful doctor to ask her out, he had no idea that he'd be thrust on a harrowing journey across the Volero System that could ultimately decide the fate of billions.
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lie dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. They discover that Lara stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd while researching her father's past. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for.
Alex learns that Shepherd is a covert initiative to acquire the planet Spyre by annihilating its inhabitants. Only a select few are aware that this world holds the key to controlling the Volero System. Now he and his friends must save the Spyreans and prevent The Company from gaining indomitable power. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I wish I'd found this site 4 months ago.
Some of you said that you'd like me to add more to the synopsis part of the query. I feel that "less is more" when it comes to a query's synopsis. That way, it garners more interest from prospective agents. I thought that going into more detail would be reserved for a full-paged synopsis. So I'm a little conflicted on that part of the query. However, I've added another paragraph (it's in italics) to see how that works.
I'm certainly open to more constructive criticism since I've sent out multiple versions of this query to over 50 agents and have received 27 rejections and only 1 request to see more pages. Thanks again for you help and let me know what you think:
There was no way for Alex Laxa to know that asking out a girl could land him in so much trouble. When Alex, a shy and uninspired waylei dealer, chases after a beautiful doctor to ask her out, he had no idea that he'd be thrust on a harrowing journey across the Volero System that could ultimately decide the fate of billions.
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lie dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. They discover that Lara stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd while researching her father's past. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for.
Alex learns that Shepherd is a covert initiative to acquire the planet Spyre by annihilating its inhabitants. Only a select few are aware that this world holds the key to controlling the Volero System. Now he and his friends must save the Spyreans and prevent The Company from gaining indomitable power. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Jun 15, 2010
Query for a children's book/picture book
Dear Mr. Rutherford,
What would you do if you were visiting a zoo on an empty stomach and saw a giant banana? If you were Mr. Butchin you would take it home and make banana bread. This is the story of the Misadventures of Mr. Butchin. Mr. Butchin is a loveable cartoon man who travels the fifty states and other countries in his subsequent books. His travels involve real photos of landmarks and local places within each state. In his first book, Mr. Butchin starts off in Wisconsin. He visits a local zoo and learns a valuable lesson about sharing. The first story is completed and an outline of subsequent books has already been done. Mr. Butchin’s books are aimed for toddlers and preschoolers and have a word count of approximately 600 to 800 words. Comparative books that share a vision of culture, language, and knowledge specifically geared towards toddlers and young children were hard to find. Some such as Dora explore the language aspect. Within the research, I found that books either focused on language or realistic photos, but not both.
I live in Madison, Wisconsin and do in-home childcare using my degree in Early Childhood Education and my Master’s in Education to bring fun to learning experiences. I’ve been working directly with children and reading everyday to them for nine years. My co-author Casey Day has worked at two daycare facilities for over 15 years as a music teacher and assistant teacher.
Some possible endorsements for the book would be the University of Wisconsin-Madison, with whom I work closely. Also, libraries in Wisconsin and bookstores may allow a book signing to help endorse the book. Due to the educational value, I feel confident that one or more places will endorse this book.
My marketing plan is flexible but strong. I wrote a book that will add to the education of all young children. My mission is, by using realistic pictures and common phrases heard within a location, and simplistic text, children will have knowledge of each of the fifty states and twenty other countries once the series is complete. I will contact the intended market by using internet, print, and traveling to locations. I hope to use a low cost/high turnover approach to pricing. This plan will be modified to fit demand and cost. The specifics can be decided later.
Thank you for taking the time to review my materials.
What would you do if you were visiting a zoo on an empty stomach and saw a giant banana? If you were Mr. Butchin you would take it home and make banana bread. This is the story of the Misadventures of Mr. Butchin. Mr. Butchin is a loveable cartoon man who travels the fifty states and other countries in his subsequent books. His travels involve real photos of landmarks and local places within each state. In his first book, Mr. Butchin starts off in Wisconsin. He visits a local zoo and learns a valuable lesson about sharing. The first story is completed and an outline of subsequent books has already been done. Mr. Butchin’s books are aimed for toddlers and preschoolers and have a word count of approximately 600 to 800 words. Comparative books that share a vision of culture, language, and knowledge specifically geared towards toddlers and young children were hard to find. Some such as Dora explore the language aspect. Within the research, I found that books either focused on language or realistic photos, but not both.
I live in Madison, Wisconsin and do in-home childcare using my degree in Early Childhood Education and my Master’s in Education to bring fun to learning experiences. I’ve been working directly with children and reading everyday to them for nine years. My co-author Casey Day has worked at two daycare facilities for over 15 years as a music teacher and assistant teacher.
Some possible endorsements for the book would be the University of Wisconsin-Madison, with whom I work closely. Also, libraries in Wisconsin and bookstores may allow a book signing to help endorse the book. Due to the educational value, I feel confident that one or more places will endorse this book.
My marketing plan is flexible but strong. I wrote a book that will add to the education of all young children. My mission is, by using realistic pictures and common phrases heard within a location, and simplistic text, children will have knowledge of each of the fifty states and twenty other countries once the series is complete. I will contact the intended market by using internet, print, and traveling to locations. I hope to use a low cost/high turnover approach to pricing. This plan will be modified to fit demand and cost. The specifics can be decided later.
Thank you for taking the time to review my materials.
Jun 14, 2010
QUERY- SPYRE
How could Alex Laxa have known that trying to ask out a pretty girl could land him in so much trouble? When Alex, a shy and uninspired waylei dealer pondering his unfulfilling job and uncertain future, has a chance encounter with a beautiful, young doctor and chases after her in a rare effort to ask her out, he had no idea that he'd be thrust on a harrowing journey across the Volero System that could ultimately decide the fate of billions.
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the beautiful doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lay dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. Together they discover that in Lara's curious research of her father's past on the planet Spyre, she stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence, killing Lara's father in the process. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
I've always admired the way a good story not only sparks one's imagination and opens the door to a world of limitless possibilities, but allows the audience to experience the emotions of its characters. It's my dream to write a novel that does precisely that.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. May I send you the complete manuscript? I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Alex finds himself a witness to two men assaulting the beautiful doctor and instinctively rushes in to help. Moments later, both men lay dead while he and his new companion, Lara Warren, have become fugitives. Together they discover that in Lara's curious research of her father's past on the planet Spyre, she stumbled upon the name of a project called Shepherd. It's a name so secret that her employer, The Company, tries to mind-wipe both of them for learning of its existence, killing Lara's father in the process. Now they must run for their lives, clueless as to why the very knowledge of this project would be worth killing them for. SPYRE, a science fiction adventure, is complete at over 88,000 words.
I've always admired the way a good story not only sparks one's imagination and opens the door to a world of limitless possibilities, but allows the audience to experience the emotions of its characters. It's my dream to write a novel that does precisely that.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading about my work. May I send you the complete manuscript? I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Query- Crucible of Silver (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Some animals seem to have a much harder time of life. These few special animals aren't unintelligent or unlucky. They endure these trails and tribulations as if in a crucible, making them fit for a special kind of destiny. Silver Squirrel is one such animal.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story for older m/g and up, completed at 73,000 words.
As a fire burns a forest, and flame sets mountains ablaze, Silver Squirrel learns to survive his first year in a world that is in chaos around him.
Fear of the cataclysmic chestnut blight leads squirrel leaders to destroy their own forest, leaving Silver homeless. Repercussions of the fire – starvation, predation and more – bring the animals to ruin.
Through it all, Silver tries to find friendship with crows, a relationship with a female squirrel, and a sense of who he is. Everything always seems to be against him – the community, a hawk, and even spring fever, but these problems cause him to learn and grow.
Silver dreams of a day when he can be at a piece with a mate by his side, far from the heartaches of daily life, but Silver is at last caught by the hawk, and all seems lost. Her plan will pit him against his own kind to redeem the most fearsome predator the skies have known. Still, his experience with the birds may help him survive this most terrible trial yet.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally story edited along with the two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals. There are occasional allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not preachy. It’s intended the be good clean fun. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a huge influence as well.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Some animals seem to have a much harder time of life. These few special animals aren't unintelligent or unlucky. They endure these trails and tribulations as if in a crucible, making them fit for a special kind of destiny. Silver Squirrel is one such animal.
Crucible of Silver is a coming of age story for older m/g and up, completed at 73,000 words.
As a fire burns a forest, and flame sets mountains ablaze, Silver Squirrel learns to survive his first year in a world that is in chaos around him.
Fear of the cataclysmic chestnut blight leads squirrel leaders to destroy their own forest, leaving Silver homeless. Repercussions of the fire – starvation, predation and more – bring the animals to ruin.
Through it all, Silver tries to find friendship with crows, a relationship with a female squirrel, and a sense of who he is. Everything always seems to be against him – the community, a hawk, and even spring fever, but these problems cause him to learn and grow.
Silver dreams of a day when he can be at a piece with a mate by his side, far from the heartaches of daily life, but Silver is at last caught by the hawk, and all seems lost. Her plan will pit him against his own kind to redeem the most fearsome predator the skies have known. Still, his experience with the birds may help him survive this most terrible trial yet.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and animation (Roughnecks, Dan Dare, Mystic Knights), and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years before finishing my books.
The book has been professionally story edited along with the two completed sequels, Silver Squirrel in Uneasy Pieces, and Silver Squirrel and The Court of Animals. There are occasional allusions to the Bible, similar to the Narnia books, but its not preachy. It’s intended the be good clean fun. The Newbery winning Mrs. Frizby and the Rats of NIMH was a huge influence as well.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
QUERY - Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
When the soft body of seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming morphs overnight into a twenty-something sleek and muscled Nephilim, a new world unveils Colsen never knew existed.
A life of blending into the background of his small high school is no longer an option. During Colsen's first day back after his transformation, girls pine for him and guys throw menacing looks his way, tempting him to fight with sneers of jealousy and whispers of steroid abuse. Colsen becomes angry by the sudden attention. As his anger strengthens, vivid images of hurting the people around him become increasingly powerful.
After school, Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and extreme temperament, offering him insight into his murky past. He learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Colsen's foster brother is kidnapped by his father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save his only brother from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Colsen's brother without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
Click here to read the first revision.
When the soft body of seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming morphs overnight into a twenty-something sleek and muscled Nephilim, a new world unveils Colsen never knew existed.
A life of blending into the background of his small high school is no longer an option. During Colsen's first day back after his transformation, girls pine for him and guys throw menacing looks his way, tempting him to fight with sneers of jealousy and whispers of steroid abuse. Colsen becomes angry by the sudden attention. As his anger strengthens, vivid images of hurting the people around him become increasingly powerful.
After school, Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and extreme temperament, offering him insight into his murky past. He learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Colsen's foster brother is kidnapped by his father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save his only brother from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Colsen's brother without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
Jun 10, 2010
Query- Winter Roses Never Die (fourth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At thirty-four, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider a bit incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the divide this difference is. The Librarian, Sylvia, leans more to the positive and appreciates Jennie's thoughtfulness and integrity. Meanwhile, Helen, the more outspoken of the two, finds Jennie's whimsical, spiritual nature more hard to take. When Jennie announces she has heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met an angelic looking man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it's the strange side of the divide for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man - angelic or otherwise - in the cemetery, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance of the man she has come to know as Charos, lead her to despair. Despite his thorny nature, he was the one person who showed understanding and made her feel special. Only the magical winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' mirky, surreal past; and only her inspirationals provide her with the key to real love - understanding and compassion - which can break the curse of his death-like existence. Both the roses and her inspirationals enable her to realise that while many have come to take blood away for their own benefit, only one came to share it for the benefit of others. The culmination of knowledge imparted to Jennie through her inspired thoughts enables her to tap into the same spiritual power source as that contained in the Holy Blood of scripture and legend.
Winter Roses Never Die combines inspirational and mystic Christianity and paranormal romance in a contemporary but similar manner to Merlin and Nimue and the Holy Grail aspects of the Arthurian Legends. The work is complete at 95,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At thirty-four, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider a bit incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the divide this difference is. The Librarian, Sylvia, leans more to the positive and appreciates Jennie's thoughtfulness and integrity. Meanwhile, Helen, the more outspoken of the two, finds Jennie's whimsical, spiritual nature more hard to take. When Jennie announces she has heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met an angelic looking man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it's the strange side of the divide for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man - angelic or otherwise - in the cemetery, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance of the man she has come to know as Charos, lead her to despair. Despite his thorny nature, he was the one person who showed understanding and made her feel special. Only the magical winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' mirky, surreal past; and only her inspirationals provide her with the key to real love - understanding and compassion - which can break the curse of his death-like existence. Both the roses and her inspirationals enable her to realise that while many have come to take blood away for their own benefit, only one came to share it for the benefit of others. The culmination of knowledge imparted to Jennie through her inspired thoughts enables her to tap into the same spiritual power source as that contained in the Holy Blood of scripture and legend.
Winter Roses Never Die combines inspirational and mystic Christianity and paranormal romance in a contemporary but similar manner to Merlin and Nimue and the Holy Grail aspects of the Arthurian Legends. The work is complete at 95,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
QUERY - Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming has a problem. He won't be able to shield his younger foster brother, Alex, from the drunken attacks of their foster mother when she kicks him out of her house on his eighteenth birthday.
Colsen wants to ensure Alex's safety and broaches the subject of his departure with him while walking home. He upsets the boy and ends up chasing after him into an abandoned alley. As he retrieves Alex, Colsen is attacked by two men and his body morphs into a Nephilim to protect them.
Terrified from murdering the two men, the disappearance of their corpses and the transformation of his body, he returns to the scene of the crime for answers. Once there Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and offers insight into his murky past.
Colsen learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Alex is kidnapped by Colsen's father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save the only brother he has ever known from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Alex without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
Seventeen-year-old Colsen Deming has a problem. He won't be able to shield his younger foster brother, Alex, from the drunken attacks of their foster mother when she kicks him out of her house on his eighteenth birthday.
Colsen wants to ensure Alex's safety and broaches the subject of his departure with him while walking home. He upsets the boy and ends up chasing after him into an abandoned alley. As he retrieves Alex, Colsen is attacked by two men and his body morphs into a Nephilim to protect them.
Terrified from murdering the two men, the disappearance of their corpses and the transformation of his body, he returns to the scene of the crime for answers. Once there Colsen encounters fellow Nephilim Nerissa who helps him come to terms with his new form and offers insight into his murky past.
Colsen learns his father is a fallen angel disgraced by God for impregnating his human mother. And now his father wants Colsen by his side while he defies God, killing humans and Nephilim alike.
When Alex is kidnapped by Colsen's father to lure Colsen away from the protection of Nerissa's family, he is faced with the ultimate decision. Does Colsen save the only brother he has ever known from death, taking his rightful place by his father's side? Or does he sit idly by while Nerissa and her family risk their lives to rescue Alex without him?
Colsen Deming and the Nephilim Existence is a 73,000-word young adult fantasy novel. I would be happy to forward the complete manuscript upon request, and would like to mention this is a simultaneous query. Thank for your time and consideration.
Cordially,
QUERY- REMEMBERING YOU -- women's fiction
Dear Ms. Agent,
Ten years is a long time to live in a self-imposed exile and when Genna’s longing for the familiar turn into nightmares about her future, she realizes it’s time to go home.
Once there, the past comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and his dead wife. Genna’s unresolved feelings for him and what he did a decade ago only twist her heart and lead her down a perilous path. He wants her back and Genna wonders if it’s only for her money.
Coming home has also brought her aunt’s Alzheimer’s to light, something the family refuses to face. Her cousin is falling apart under the strain of a too perfect marriage and her best friend is ignoring her. Genna also finds herself encumbered with an inheritance that threatens to destroy her relationship with her uncle.
What’s a girl to do?
Genna needs to makes some tough decisions regarding her future; does she give up the job of a lifetime and come home to work for peanuts or does she go back and live the same lonely life she’s had for the last decade? And will trying to get over her broken heart lead her to find comfort in the arms of a man she once despised? With the help of the only person who has ever put her first, Genna makes the decisions that will change her life forever.
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words. (I have also added a sentence as to why I chose them as the agent.)
Thank you for your consideration.
Robin
Ten years is a long time to live in a self-imposed exile and when Genna’s longing for the familiar turn into nightmares about her future, she realizes it’s time to go home.
Once there, the past comes back to haunt her in the form of her ex-fiancé and his dead wife. Genna’s unresolved feelings for him and what he did a decade ago only twist her heart and lead her down a perilous path. He wants her back and Genna wonders if it’s only for her money.
Coming home has also brought her aunt’s Alzheimer’s to light, something the family refuses to face. Her cousin is falling apart under the strain of a too perfect marriage and her best friend is ignoring her. Genna also finds herself encumbered with an inheritance that threatens to destroy her relationship with her uncle.
What’s a girl to do?
Genna needs to makes some tough decisions regarding her future; does she give up the job of a lifetime and come home to work for peanuts or does she go back and live the same lonely life she’s had for the last decade? And will trying to get over her broken heart lead her to find comfort in the arms of a man she once despised? With the help of the only person who has ever put her first, Genna makes the decisions that will change her life forever.
I am seeking representation for REMEMBERING YOU, a completed work of women’s fiction at 87,000 words. (I have also added a sentence as to why I chose them as the agent.)
Thank you for your consideration.
Robin
QUERY- LIFE and BETH latest version.
I've been sending this out there and getting requests, but I keep tweaking it. Now I'm wondering if this last tweak is working.
Seventeen-year-old rocker Beth Collins plays a killer lead guitar, but that's not what's nabbed her a scholarship to the exclusive Hamilton Academy.
It's Beth's other killer talent—the one for causing death.
Beth is a Deathcrafter and Hamilton is no ordinary school. It's a school for the differently Talented—in other words, freaks like Beth.
At Hamilton, Beth learns to cope with loss, attempts to reclaim her dormant muse and falls in in love with a uniquely gifted blind boy. But behind the school's nurturing façade lurks danger. Forced to kill her new boyfriend or risk the loss of everyone else she loves, Beth must come to terms with her own deadly skills—all while facing down a powerful and other-worldly headmistress.
Seventeen-year-old rocker Beth Collins plays a killer lead guitar, but that's not what's nabbed her a scholarship to the exclusive Hamilton Academy.
It's Beth's other killer talent—the one for causing death.
Beth is a Deathcrafter and Hamilton is no ordinary school. It's a school for the differently Talented—in other words, freaks like Beth.
At Hamilton, Beth learns to cope with loss, attempts to reclaim her dormant muse and falls in in love with a uniquely gifted blind boy. But behind the school's nurturing façade lurks danger. Forced to kill her new boyfriend or risk the loss of everyone else she loves, Beth must come to terms with her own deadly skills—all while facing down a powerful and other-worldly headmistress.
Jun 9, 2010
Query- Bait (revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Nothing was more important to Aubrey than gaining her freedom, but the one man who could give it to her was the last man on Earth she could trust.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister, Savannah. Three years behind bars has left her with a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey, and he realizes immediately that not only was she wrongfully convicted, she was likely Sandman’s intended victim the night her sister was murdered. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi hates using Aubrey as bait, but knows it’s the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Nothing was more important to Aubrey than gaining her freedom, but the one man who could give it to her was the last man on Earth she could trust.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister, Savannah. Three years behind bars has left her with a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey, and he realizes immediately that not only was she wrongfully convicted, she was likely Sandman’s intended victim the night her sister was murdered. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi hates using Aubrey as bait, but knows it’s the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Jun 8, 2010
Query- Winter Roses Never Die
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At 34 years old, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. She's not religious or mentally challenged, but she is a little of what she seeks in the wonderful and strange. Her shy, spiritual, over-imaginative, child-like persona makes her appear eccentric, masking her kind nature and strong integrity. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the wonderful and strange scale she's on. When Jennie announces she's heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met a gorgeous man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it is the the strange end of the scale for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man, gorgeous or otherwise, in the cemetery where Jennie claimed they're always to be found, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance from the cemetery of the man she has come to know as Charos, bring Jennie into despair. Despite his thorny nature, Charos had shown more understanding for her spiritual, imaginative nature than anyone else, and Jennie had begun to believe he was the Prince Charming she had always dreamt of meeting. Gradually, her inspirationals lead her into a more positive understanding of people and life, and the optimism and courage these inspirationals give enable her to win the admiration of Sylvia and Helen and even the elusive and potentially dangerous Charos. Her unfailing love and support enables him to see her worth and helps free him from his cursed existence. But only the winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' surreal past and inspire her to fully understand the reasons for his misdeeds and how he now suffers because of them. She also realises that even though there have been many to take blood away, there has only ever been One who came to give it, and whose words - like the magical roses - will never die.
Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance of approximately 95,000 words which also combines elements of inspirational Christianity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear Agent,
At 34 years old, Jennie is something of an anomaly. She loves what some might consider incongruous: Jesus AND fairies. She's not religious or mentally challenged, but she is a little of what she seeks in the wonderful and strange. Her shy, spiritual, over-imaginative, child-like persona makes her appear eccentric, masking her kind nature and strong integrity. Her co-workers in the public library, Sylvia and Helen, can see she's different but can't decide which side of the wonderful and strange scale she's on. When Jennie announces she's heard disembodied singing and music while talking shortcuts through the abandoned cemetery and also met a gorgeous man seated beside a wintry, rose-covered grave, her library co-workers suspect it is the the strange end of the scale for her. And when Helen fails to find any roses or any man, gorgeous or otherwise, in the cemetery where Jennie claimed they're always to be found, these suspicions are confirmed.
The growing enmity at work because of her outlandish claims and her 'inspirationals' which she believes are from the Divine, and also the disappearance from the cemetery of the man she has come to know as Charos, bring Jennie into despair. Despite his thorny nature, Charos had shown more understanding for her spiritual, imaginative nature than anyone else, and Jennie had begun to believe he was the Prince Charming she had always dreamt of meeting. Gradually, her inspirationals lead her into a more positive understanding of people and life, and the optimism and courage these inspirationals give enable her to win the admiration of Sylvia and Helen and even the elusive and potentially dangerous Charos. Her unfailing love and support enables him to see her worth and helps free him from his cursed existence. But only the winter roses which never die hold the key to Charos' surreal past and inspire her to fully understand the reasons for his misdeeds and how he now suffers because of them. She also realises that even though there have been many to take blood away, there has only ever been One who came to give it, and whose words - like the magical roses - will never die.
Winter Roses Never Die is a paranormal romance of approximately 95,000 words which also combines elements of inspirational Christianity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Jun 7, 2010
Query-A Troll Wife's Tale
Dear agent (snip name)
I took stock of my injuries. I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. Being a tooth fairy shouldn't be this hard.
So opens my 95,000 word urban fantasy novel, A Troll Wife's Tale.
When Troll Wife first becomes a tooth fairy, all she can see are the good things. She has a steady job. She's making friends. Best of all are the tooth fairy wings and flying.
After a few days, she starts to see the problems. She's racking up an impressive number of on the job injuries. Her friends only accept her because they can't tell she's a troll while she's wearing the wings. The wings take away her troll ability to smell a person's character and emotions.
She notices that going even a day without wearing the wings makes her irritable. Are the wings addictive? If so, why?
It seems that tooth fairies also have enemies. Oubliette, the most efficient soldier in the human/fae war hundreds of years ago, hasn't given up fighting the war against the humans.
Tooth fairies keep the peace pact with humans and Oubliette wants to end that pact. Oubliette seems determined to convince Troll Wife of the dangers of humans. If Oubliette is right, is the peace pact actually destroying all the fae?
When a homeless boy that Troll Wife has befriended loses his first tooth, Troll Wife has to make sure he keeps the pact before Oubliette catches up to him.
(snip reason I'm submitting to this agent)
I took stock of my injuries. I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. Being a tooth fairy shouldn't be this hard.
So opens my 95,000 word urban fantasy novel, A Troll Wife's Tale.
When Troll Wife first becomes a tooth fairy, all she can see are the good things. She has a steady job. She's making friends. Best of all are the tooth fairy wings and flying.
After a few days, she starts to see the problems. She's racking up an impressive number of on the job injuries. Her friends only accept her because they can't tell she's a troll while she's wearing the wings. The wings take away her troll ability to smell a person's character and emotions.
She notices that going even a day without wearing the wings makes her irritable. Are the wings addictive? If so, why?
It seems that tooth fairies also have enemies. Oubliette, the most efficient soldier in the human/fae war hundreds of years ago, hasn't given up fighting the war against the humans.
Tooth fairies keep the peace pact with humans and Oubliette wants to end that pact. Oubliette seems determined to convince Troll Wife of the dangers of humans. If Oubliette is right, is the peace pact actually destroying all the fae?
When a homeless boy that Troll Wife has befriended loses his first tooth, Troll Wife has to make sure he keeps the pact before Oubliette catches up to him.
(snip reason I'm submitting to this agent)
Jun 6, 2010
Query - Bait
Nothing was more important to Aubrey than gaining her freedom, but the one man who could give it to her was the last man on Earth she could trust.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until one tragic night took everything away from her. Wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister Savannah, she's spent the last three years behind bars nurturing a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey and he realizes immediately that he's found the key to finally stopping this madman. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi is reluctant to use Aubrey as bait but knows it's the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
Joining forces, Levi and Aubrey fight attraction, then for their lives when everything goes according to Levi's plan and Sandman finally comes.
A Stanford University graduate with a degree in Psychology, I've researched extensively, spending time in Louisiana and visiting the actual prison that the heroine of the story is sentenced to. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I’m currently employed as a Senior Project / Account Manager. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
That’s the premise of my recently completed 90,000 word novel, Bait. This gritty suspense tale, reminiscent of Tami Hoag and Sandra Brown, explores murder, distrust and impossible attraction in a small Louisiana town.
Aubrey Donovan was a successful horse trainer until one tragic night took everything away from her. Wrongfully convicted of the vicious slaying of her sister Savannah, she's spent the last three years behind bars nurturing a seething hatred for the justice system and anyone associated with it.
Special Agent Levi Bishop is head of the FBI task force charged with catching a serial killer dubbed Sandman by the press. After a year of chasing shadows, the bodies of Sandman's victims are still turning up but Levi is no closer to catching him. A break in the case leads Levi to Aubrey and he realizes immediately that he's found the key to finally stopping this madman. Racing against the clock and running out of options, Levi is reluctant to use Aubrey as bait but knows it's the only way to bring Sandman to justice.
Joining forces, Levi and Aubrey fight attraction, then for their lives when everything goes according to Levi's plan and Sandman finally comes.
A Stanford University graduate with a degree in Psychology, I've researched extensively, spending time in Louisiana and visiting the actual prison that the heroine of the story is sentenced to. My writing credits include a published poem and edit of One Man Crime Wave, by Kasha Mona. I’m currently employed as a Senior Project / Account Manager. I would be happy to send you sample chapters or a completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Query: House Dreams
I am writing to introduce my novel, House Dreams, for your consideration.
House Dreams is a work of women’s fiction about mothers and daughters, and about the sometimes destructive power of the imagination.
The main character, Lillian, is a home health aide who has built her career around choosing assignments that allow her to live briefly in the houses of people much wealthier than herself. Her devotion is lavished on the houses she can pretend are hers for the duration of her stay, while her care for her patients is chilly and efficient.
As the novel opens, Lillian arrives at a new house, inhabited by a demanding, bed-ridden elderly woman, Ellen Whitmore. But this house is different: from the moment she arrives, Lillian finds the house and everything in it strangely familiar. As the days go by, she is drawn deeper into her fantasy of possessing the house.
The arrival of Ellen’s daughter and teenage granddaughter is an unwelcome interruption for Lillian. Ellen and her daughter, Carlotta, have been estranged since Carlotta’s marriage, and Ellen has never met her granddaughter, Maggie. Carlotta’s relationship with Ellen remains remote but Maggie is entranced by her grandmother’s stories of her youth. Maggie also tries to befriend Lillian, although Lillian is irritated by Maggie’s mannerisms, intrusiveness and aura of privilege.
Life for the four women settles into a routine of fragile alliances until a sudden crisis in Ellen’s health forces Lillian to realize that the imaginary home and family she has built for herself are necessarily impermanent: Ellen is failing, and Carlotta and Maggie will be leaving in time for Maggie to start school in the fall. Lillian will have to return to her life of brief sojourns in other people’s houses.
Carlotta and Ellen have several confrontations about Carlotta’s marriage and about Carlotta’s unhappy childhood. As her relationship with Carlotta deteriorates, Ellen starts to hint that she may leave the house to Lillian. Ellen is hoping for Lillian’s attention and loyalty, but that temptation, and her passion for the house, lead Lillian down a very different, and dangerous, path.
House Dreams is my first novel. Portions of my first book, a short story collection, have appeared in Kalliope and PMS, and in the anthology Prompted. I have had other short fiction published on line. I am currently at work on my second novel.
House Dreams is a work of women’s fiction about mothers and daughters, and about the sometimes destructive power of the imagination.
The main character, Lillian, is a home health aide who has built her career around choosing assignments that allow her to live briefly in the houses of people much wealthier than herself. Her devotion is lavished on the houses she can pretend are hers for the duration of her stay, while her care for her patients is chilly and efficient.
As the novel opens, Lillian arrives at a new house, inhabited by a demanding, bed-ridden elderly woman, Ellen Whitmore. But this house is different: from the moment she arrives, Lillian finds the house and everything in it strangely familiar. As the days go by, she is drawn deeper into her fantasy of possessing the house.
The arrival of Ellen’s daughter and teenage granddaughter is an unwelcome interruption for Lillian. Ellen and her daughter, Carlotta, have been estranged since Carlotta’s marriage, and Ellen has never met her granddaughter, Maggie. Carlotta’s relationship with Ellen remains remote but Maggie is entranced by her grandmother’s stories of her youth. Maggie also tries to befriend Lillian, although Lillian is irritated by Maggie’s mannerisms, intrusiveness and aura of privilege.
Life for the four women settles into a routine of fragile alliances until a sudden crisis in Ellen’s health forces Lillian to realize that the imaginary home and family she has built for herself are necessarily impermanent: Ellen is failing, and Carlotta and Maggie will be leaving in time for Maggie to start school in the fall. Lillian will have to return to her life of brief sojourns in other people’s houses.
Carlotta and Ellen have several confrontations about Carlotta’s marriage and about Carlotta’s unhappy childhood. As her relationship with Carlotta deteriorates, Ellen starts to hint that she may leave the house to Lillian. Ellen is hoping for Lillian’s attention and loyalty, but that temptation, and her passion for the house, lead Lillian down a very different, and dangerous, path.
House Dreams is my first novel. Portions of my first book, a short story collection, have appeared in Kalliope and PMS, and in the anthology Prompted. I have had other short fiction published on line. I am currently at work on my second novel.
Query - Silver Squirrel and the Crucible of Silver
Silver Squirrel realized that the hawk was planning something terrible for him, ever since she attacked his friend Morning, the crow, and left her in his care.
This relationship he had with the crows got him in a lot of trouble, with the community, with his girlfriend, and now with the hawk.
His plan to save the community was a good one, but somehow it all went wrong. Now lives are shattered, and here he is, caught in the hawk's talons. Why didn't she kill him? Silver could only wonder.
"Our leg bones lock into place. That's how we sleep while perched," the hawk said. "I could die of old age and rot, and you still won't escape my grip."
The hawk is a smart one, but Silver's experience with the birds might help, if he can only put together the pieces of the puzzle before it's too late.
Silver Squirrel and the Crucible of Silver is a coming of age novel completed at 75,000 words. Two additional Silver Squirrel novels are also completed.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in special effects for film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
This relationship he had with the crows got him in a lot of trouble, with the community, with his girlfriend, and now with the hawk.
His plan to save the community was a good one, but somehow it all went wrong. Now lives are shattered, and here he is, caught in the hawk's talons. Why didn't she kill him? Silver could only wonder.
"Our leg bones lock into place. That's how we sleep while perched," the hawk said. "I could die of old age and rot, and you still won't escape my grip."
The hawk is a smart one, but Silver's experience with the birds might help, if he can only put together the pieces of the puzzle before it's too late.
Silver Squirrel and the Crucible of Silver is a coming of age novel completed at 75,000 words. Two additional Silver Squirrel novels are also completed.
I have been published in several trade publications including Keyframe Magazine. I studied screen writing, and have completed three novels. I worked in special effects for film (Star Trek, Spiderman 2) and published software and documentation for the animation industry for a number of years.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query - A Tale of Youth and Sorrow (revised!)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear X:
I visited AGENCY NAME's website and noticed that you are interested in YA and fantasy projects. A Tale of Youth and Sorrow, my 53,400-word novel, might interest you.
Traumatized by the death of her mother two years prior, twelve-year-old Potioneer Minette Bublee would like nothing more than the approval of her guardian, the master thief, Ilona Njis. Then one day, Minette saves the life of a victim of a brutal beating, one who utters to her one name in warning: Belphelial. It is a name that spurs Ilona to explode with unprecedented viciousness, shattering Minette’s faith in their friendship, and hurtling the thief down a path of self-destruction. In a race to save Ilona from herself, Minette unwittingly draws the attention of arcane forces, permitting her a glimpse into her world’s tumultuous history through the eyes of a tortured young Priestess – Ilona, in a former life. Minette will not only confront the ancient demon, Belphelial, himself, but come face to face with an even greater evil; the sole reason for Ilona’s demise. With the horrors of their past threatening to tear them apart, both friends will voyage through time to unlock the secrets of a power greater than any magic, the only power that can save them: love.
Five of my short stories were published in Malate Literary Folio (De La Salle University, Philippines) between 1997 and 2002, one of which won second place in my university's 1999 Literary Awards. A member of Writing.com, I received the 2007 WDC Wonderfuls Award for outstanding writing.
I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely yours,
Michael Cunanan Logarta
Dear X:
I visited AGENCY NAME's website and noticed that you are interested in YA and fantasy projects. A Tale of Youth and Sorrow, my 53,400-word novel, might interest you.
Traumatized by the death of her mother two years prior, twelve-year-old Potioneer Minette Bublee would like nothing more than the approval of her guardian, the master thief, Ilona Njis. Then one day, Minette saves the life of a victim of a brutal beating, one who utters to her one name in warning: Belphelial. It is a name that spurs Ilona to explode with unprecedented viciousness, shattering Minette’s faith in their friendship, and hurtling the thief down a path of self-destruction. In a race to save Ilona from herself, Minette unwittingly draws the attention of arcane forces, permitting her a glimpse into her world’s tumultuous history through the eyes of a tortured young Priestess – Ilona, in a former life. Minette will not only confront the ancient demon, Belphelial, himself, but come face to face with an even greater evil; the sole reason for Ilona’s demise. With the horrors of their past threatening to tear them apart, both friends will voyage through time to unlock the secrets of a power greater than any magic, the only power that can save them: love.
Five of my short stories were published in Malate Literary Folio (De La Salle University, Philippines) between 1997 and 2002, one of which won second place in my university's 1999 Literary Awards. A member of Writing.com, I received the 2007 WDC Wonderfuls Award for outstanding writing.
I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely yours,
Michael Cunanan Logarta
Jun 5, 2010
Query- The Spinner's Wheel (revised)
Click here to read the original query and sample pages.
Dear Agent,
When Valerius Anaxandros time travels from his home on the Planet Elledra to Earth he faces espionage, intrigue and surprise attacks. As Elledra’s chosen Time Rider it’s just part of his job description.
The Watchers, a group of men and women on Earth who think that time travel is an abomination, are always willing to help him into the next life, but Valerius’s most recent encounter is not with one of the Watchers, but with a scarred face man who knows what he is.
Valerius’s problems don’t end there. His niece, fifteen year old Sara Gallager, a genetically gifted time traveler, needs to be relocated from her home in the United States to Elledra to be trained. Valerius finds himself overseeing her training while dealing with Crassius Atrapes, the man he met earlier, who turns out to be a rogue time traveler from 40B.C. who wants to wrest control of Rome from Julius Caesar and rule as Emperor.
When Crassius goes back in time to recruit two of Earths great warriors, Hannibal of Carthage from 207 B.C and Cassivellaunus of Britannia from 50 B.C, Valerius must act to preserve the true history of Earth which he is sworn to protect.
If he doesn’t succeed, Earth as we know it will be changed forever.
The Spinner’s Wheel, is a Fantasy/Science Fiction novel complete at 75,000 words.
Thanks for taking the time to consider my submission.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Sincerely,
K.D.Vassall
Dear Agent,
When Valerius Anaxandros time travels from his home on the Planet Elledra to Earth he faces espionage, intrigue and surprise attacks. As Elledra’s chosen Time Rider it’s just part of his job description.
The Watchers, a group of men and women on Earth who think that time travel is an abomination, are always willing to help him into the next life, but Valerius’s most recent encounter is not with one of the Watchers, but with a scarred face man who knows what he is.
Valerius’s problems don’t end there. His niece, fifteen year old Sara Gallager, a genetically gifted time traveler, needs to be relocated from her home in the United States to Elledra to be trained. Valerius finds himself overseeing her training while dealing with Crassius Atrapes, the man he met earlier, who turns out to be a rogue time traveler from 40B.C. who wants to wrest control of Rome from Julius Caesar and rule as Emperor.
When Crassius goes back in time to recruit two of Earths great warriors, Hannibal of Carthage from 207 B.C and Cassivellaunus of Britannia from 50 B.C, Valerius must act to preserve the true history of Earth which he is sworn to protect.
If he doesn’t succeed, Earth as we know it will be changed forever.
The Spinner’s Wheel, is a Fantasy/Science Fiction novel complete at 75,000 words.
Thanks for taking the time to consider my submission.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Sincerely,
K.D.Vassall
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