Dear __________,
Pluto is no longer a planet. Lynn’s father is dying. She cannot grieve for him. She hates him too much. Pluto is an outcast in the solar system. Lynn is an outcast in her family. She feels out of orbit when she is around them. She cannot tolerate their tears, screams, broken dishes, pills, and unfinished sentences. She’d rather be alone. And then she meets Peter.
WALKING OFF PLUTO examines the impact of grief on the lives of two sisters and a wayward young man who helps them to realize that everyone grieves, just in different ways. Seventeen-year-old Lynn burrows herself in the comfort of the sky while her older sister, Chloe, seeks to crack through Lynn’s self-created shell. But the only thing that can break through Lynn is Lynn. And it will feel like a journey across the universe to figure that out.
My young adult novel is complete at 50,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Little excerpt:
Lynn gazes through her black and white telescope and sees what she wants to see. A gush of wind flings black hair over her forehead, blocking her view of the starry winter night. She brushes the strands back with her fingers, careful not to touch the scope. She has it positioned and zoomed exactly the way she wants it.
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Someone is walking up the hill—the dying leaves crumble under knee-high boots. She should be startled, but it’s only her sister, Chloe.
Jan 2, 2011
Dec 23, 2010
Query- All Because of You (Fourth Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear [Agent Name],
Forced to commit murder in order to survive, Adelaide Banvard can’t rid herself of the demon in her mind. Faithful to the end, she’s stood at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the only asset capable of keeping her violent tendencies at bay. For the past ten years, she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands as she grows eager to take control of her own life, one that doesn’t consist of orders and demands.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization, battles the illusions in her head, and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is suspenseful commercial fiction complete at 75,000 words. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia. I have included [whatever they request] per your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Dear [Agent Name],
Forced to commit murder in order to survive, Adelaide Banvard can’t rid herself of the demon in her mind. Faithful to the end, she’s stood at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the only asset capable of keeping her violent tendencies at bay. For the past ten years, she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands as she grows eager to take control of her own life, one that doesn’t consist of orders and demands.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization, battles the illusions in her head, and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is suspenseful commercial fiction complete at 75,000 words. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia. I have included [whatever they request] per your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dec 17, 2010
Query: Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost.
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Two months before Lizzie is to leave for Brooklyn to complete a project for her parents, her mother sends her Aunt Annie May's giant tramp steamer trunk and her theatrical trunk from The Belasco. Her instructions are to help Annie get to the stage door of the theatre by first call to meet her true love, Dan "Curley" O'Brien.
A simple task but for the fact Annie May, once a successful musical star on Broadway, has been dead for twenty-seven years.
Lizzie traveled the globe for years, trying to run away from herself. Once settled in Brooklyn, she begings to confront her past and her true feelings for James, her childhood sweetheart. While they begin to rebuild their burned bridges and Curley waits each night at the stage door of the Belasco Theatre, time is running out for Annie.
Lizzie must learn how to use her long dormant power of enchantment before her aunt is lost for eternity in the cold gray fog between two worlds and she is killed by three evil faires bent on capturing her soul and her gift.
Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost, a paranormal romance complete at 90,000 words attempts to pair two lovers in our world and reunite two lost lovers in the afterworld.
I have read your website and believe my work reflects the work of other authors you currently represent. A romance novel, what sets Lizzie apart is the theme of the New York City Broadway stage, the Bishop of Broadway himself and a glimpse of an afterworld where the show is always in rehersal and the lights never go out.
==================================
CHAPTER ONE
My mother carried me to the attic for years, at first holding me in her arms and then later, guiding me up the long circular staircase leading from the second floor hall.
She explained that what looked like a giant's suitcase was a trunk. She told me what it was called and as the late afternoon sun angled through the tiny dormer window above us, she opened its four compartments to show me its magical contents. "This was your Aunt Annie's trunk. She's an angel in heaven now, but she left this for you, Elizabeth."
She loved to tell me about my aunt's life as a Broadway star, read from newspapers and magazines and brought her to life for me. "This is the dress Aunt Annie wore the night she won a very big award, called the Toni."
My questions about her were endless. "If she left the trunk to me, why can't I have it in my bedroom?"
"You're still too young, Elizabeth."
"When I get older enough, can I wear her pretty dresses?"
"No dear, those dresses are for you to hold, not to wear."
I loved to play in the dark corners of the attic, peeking into the boxes of my sister's and brother's childhood keepsakes; an old prom dress that Moira had worn, my brother Michael's football uniform, trophies and photographs, dusty lamps and some old furniture. The attic was a child's playground, and being too young to play with my siblings, I dug through their treasures and imagined stories of them. None could compare to the treasures held in the giant trunk and no stories as fantastic as those of Annie May.
The first time I saw her, she was pale and gray, like smoke curling up from the corner of the room. I was six and went to the attic to play with my sister's pompoms. I walked slowly toward the corner of the room where the giant tramp steamer trunk sat, nestled under the cross beams of the roof.
I thought I saw her smile. "Hello?"
A clear image of a woman turned and waved, "Hello yourself, Elizabeth," and in an instant the smoke curled downward into the trunk and vanished.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Two months before Lizzie is to leave for Brooklyn to complete a project for her parents, her mother sends her Aunt Annie May's giant tramp steamer trunk and her theatrical trunk from The Belasco. Her instructions are to help Annie get to the stage door of the theatre by first call to meet her true love, Dan "Curley" O'Brien.
A simple task but for the fact Annie May, once a successful musical star on Broadway, has been dead for twenty-seven years.
Lizzie traveled the globe for years, trying to run away from herself. Once settled in Brooklyn, she begings to confront her past and her true feelings for James, her childhood sweetheart. While they begin to rebuild their burned bridges and Curley waits each night at the stage door of the Belasco Theatre, time is running out for Annie.
Lizzie must learn how to use her long dormant power of enchantment before her aunt is lost for eternity in the cold gray fog between two worlds and she is killed by three evil faires bent on capturing her soul and her gift.
Lizzie Brogan and The Broadway Ghost, a paranormal romance complete at 90,000 words attempts to pair two lovers in our world and reunite two lost lovers in the afterworld.
I have read your website and believe my work reflects the work of other authors you currently represent. A romance novel, what sets Lizzie apart is the theme of the New York City Broadway stage, the Bishop of Broadway himself and a glimpse of an afterworld where the show is always in rehersal and the lights never go out.
==================================
CHAPTER ONE
My mother carried me to the attic for years, at first holding me in her arms and then later, guiding me up the long circular staircase leading from the second floor hall.
She explained that what looked like a giant's suitcase was a trunk. She told me what it was called and as the late afternoon sun angled through the tiny dormer window above us, she opened its four compartments to show me its magical contents. "This was your Aunt Annie's trunk. She's an angel in heaven now, but she left this for you, Elizabeth."
She loved to tell me about my aunt's life as a Broadway star, read from newspapers and magazines and brought her to life for me. "This is the dress Aunt Annie wore the night she won a very big award, called the Toni."
My questions about her were endless. "If she left the trunk to me, why can't I have it in my bedroom?"
"You're still too young, Elizabeth."
"When I get older enough, can I wear her pretty dresses?"
"No dear, those dresses are for you to hold, not to wear."
I loved to play in the dark corners of the attic, peeking into the boxes of my sister's and brother's childhood keepsakes; an old prom dress that Moira had worn, my brother Michael's football uniform, trophies and photographs, dusty lamps and some old furniture. The attic was a child's playground, and being too young to play with my siblings, I dug through their treasures and imagined stories of them. None could compare to the treasures held in the giant trunk and no stories as fantastic as those of Annie May.
The first time I saw her, she was pale and gray, like smoke curling up from the corner of the room. I was six and went to the attic to play with my sister's pompoms. I walked slowly toward the corner of the room where the giant tramp steamer trunk sat, nestled under the cross beams of the roof.
I thought I saw her smile. "Hello?"
A clear image of a woman turned and waved, "Hello yourself, Elizabeth," and in an instant the smoke curled downward into the trunk and vanished.
Dec 15, 2010
QUERY- MAD AS A HATTER
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear [Agent's Name],
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped by a man who called himself The Hatter. Emil survived. His sister didn't. So when he hears news of a serial killer ravaging London and leaving a note quoting Alice in Wonderland at each murder scene, Emil is convinced that his former abductor is on the prowl again. And when his young guardian, Officer Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he thinks it must be fate.
Corwin's not too keen on Emil having anything to do with the case, but Emil's extensive knowledge of the murderer's methods is too invaluable to waste. Yet as the two get closer and closer to tracking the man down, Emil realizes exactly what confronting his past will mean. He can live with the nightmares. But if he fails to avenge his sister's death, he doesn't know how he'll live with himself-- if he lives at all.
Complete at 51,000 words, MAD AS A HATTER is a YA historical mystery written in both Emil and Corwin’s viewpoints. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, etc.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear [Agent's Name],
London, 1882.
Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped by a man who called himself The Hatter. Emil survived. His sister didn't. So when he hears news of a serial killer ravaging London and leaving a note quoting Alice in Wonderland at each murder scene, Emil is convinced that his former abductor is on the prowl again. And when his young guardian, Officer Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he thinks it must be fate.
Corwin's not too keen on Emil having anything to do with the case, but Emil's extensive knowledge of the murderer's methods is too invaluable to waste. Yet as the two get closer and closer to tracking the man down, Emil realizes exactly what confronting his past will mean. He can live with the nightmares. But if he fails to avenge his sister's death, he doesn't know how he'll live with himself-- if he lives at all.
Complete at 51,000 words, MAD AS A HATTER is a YA historical mystery written in both Emil and Corwin’s viewpoints. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, etc.
Dec 8, 2010
Children's Picture Book Query
Ms. ________, Editor
Scholastic Press
557 Broadway
New York, NY 10012-3999
Dear ______ (will send to specific editor):
You may have read the news story on CNN or the Today Show. Or you may have read about it in the email that circled the globe: An orphaned squirrel was adopted by a dog who nursed him along with her own puppies.
Finnegan the Squirrel and the Dog Who Loved Him is the true story of an unusual adoption. Supported by interviews, photographs, and squirrel research, this 1040 word picture book is for children ages 5-10 years old.
Like Scholastic Press’ "Owen and Mzee," by Craig Hatkoff, this touching tale illustrates the extraordinary capacity for compassion and bonding in the animal world. It will also resonate with adopted children and their parents everywhere.
My writing credits include a picture book, Tree House in a Storm (Stemmer House Publishers, 2009), as well as written numerous fiction and nonfiction stories for Highlights, Scholastic Scope, and other children’s magazines.
Thank you for considering this 3-month exclusive submission. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Rachelle Burk
Scholastic Press
557 Broadway
New York, NY 10012-3999
Dear ______ (will send to specific editor):
You may have read the news story on CNN or the Today Show. Or you may have read about it in the email that circled the globe: An orphaned squirrel was adopted by a dog who nursed him along with her own puppies.
Finnegan the Squirrel and the Dog Who Loved Him is the true story of an unusual adoption. Supported by interviews, photographs, and squirrel research, this 1040 word picture book is for children ages 5-10 years old.
Like Scholastic Press’ "Owen and Mzee," by Craig Hatkoff, this touching tale illustrates the extraordinary capacity for compassion and bonding in the animal world. It will also resonate with adopted children and their parents everywhere.
My writing credits include a picture book, Tree House in a Storm (Stemmer House Publishers, 2009), as well as written numerous fiction and nonfiction stories for Highlights, Scholastic Scope, and other children’s magazines.
Thank you for considering this 3-month exclusive submission. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Rachelle Burk
Nov 26, 2010
Book Review- CINDERS
CINDERS is a novella written by Michelle Davidson Argyle. It's available on Amazon.com in paperback and as an ebook.
We all know that money can't buy love, but in Cinders we learn magic isn't a sure bet either. Cinderella - now officially a princess - finds royal life is not what she once dreamed. Pretty clothes, fancy meals, and fabulous balls can't make up for a life restricted, and she is denied the simple pleasures she used to take for granted. When a figure from her past stirs up a long-suppressed passion, Cinderella begins to wonder if there really is love under the spell that earned her husband's heart. But undoing magic can be harder than casting the initial spell, and the results are less predictable.
Cinders is a quick read, and it's a nice adult romance wrapped around a childhood fairytale. The sub-plot kept me intrigued, and the conflict in Cinderella's heart made the characterization interesting. The book is self-published, but the copy editing is tight and the layout is not a strain to read. While some character elements and plot lines could have been drawn out in more detail, I enjoyed the story overall.
We all know that money can't buy love, but in Cinders we learn magic isn't a sure bet either. Cinderella - now officially a princess - finds royal life is not what she once dreamed. Pretty clothes, fancy meals, and fabulous balls can't make up for a life restricted, and she is denied the simple pleasures she used to take for granted. When a figure from her past stirs up a long-suppressed passion, Cinderella begins to wonder if there really is love under the spell that earned her husband's heart. But undoing magic can be harder than casting the initial spell, and the results are less predictable.
Cinders is a quick read, and it's a nice adult romance wrapped around a childhood fairytale. The sub-plot kept me intrigued, and the conflict in Cinderella's heart made the characterization interesting. The book is self-published, but the copy editing is tight and the layout is not a strain to read. While some character elements and plot lines could have been drawn out in more detail, I enjoyed the story overall.
Nov 24, 2010
Query - VICARIOUS
Investigative reporter Avery Bonelli became Chiquita non grata when CIA agent Logan Nash accused her of stealing national secrets. Two years later, Nash shows up in her apartment covered in blood, and promises a scoop that will get her back in the big leagues--all she has to do is trust him.
Logan Nash was the lead agent for Team Omega, CIA’s top-secret anti-terrorism division until one of Avery’s stories exposed Omega and ended his career. After months of digging, Nash finds the identity of Avery’s anonymous source, and he can finally get his revenge--all he has to do is not fall in love.
Following Nash’s scoop, Avery goes after Attorney General Capwell, the person who let a high-profile terrorist escape justice. When Capwell’s corpse shows up on the morning news, Avery works with Nash to hunt for clues of terrorist involvement. Instead she uncovers evidence that Capwell was the anonymous source who manipulated her to expose an Omega mission two years ago. Capwell’s scheme killed more than Avery’s career; it caused the deaths of six operatives. Now Avery feels the weight of the bulls-eye on her back as one after another, people close to Capwell get slaughtered. She needs to find the connection between Capwell, the terrorist, and Omega, and expose the assassin before her personal obituary makes headlines. Outgunned, she trusts her life to Logan Nash even though all the evidence tells her Nash is the killer she’s trying to find.
VICARIOUS is a 109,000-word thriller.
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Logan Nash was the lead agent for Team Omega, CIA’s top-secret anti-terrorism division until one of Avery’s stories exposed Omega and ended his career. After months of digging, Nash finds the identity of Avery’s anonymous source, and he can finally get his revenge--all he has to do is not fall in love.
Following Nash’s scoop, Avery goes after Attorney General Capwell, the person who let a high-profile terrorist escape justice. When Capwell’s corpse shows up on the morning news, Avery works with Nash to hunt for clues of terrorist involvement. Instead she uncovers evidence that Capwell was the anonymous source who manipulated her to expose an Omega mission two years ago. Capwell’s scheme killed more than Avery’s career; it caused the deaths of six operatives. Now Avery feels the weight of the bulls-eye on her back as one after another, people close to Capwell get slaughtered. She needs to find the connection between Capwell, the terrorist, and Omega, and expose the assassin before her personal obituary makes headlines. Outgunned, she trusts her life to Logan Nash even though all the evidence tells her Nash is the killer she’s trying to find.
VICARIOUS is a 109,000-word thriller.
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Nov 20, 2010
Query- The Crucible of Silver (sixth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
Squirrels plant the trees, live by them, and may ultimately destroy them, but even Silver Squirrel is amazed by what their leaders are up to when they burn down his home.
The Crucible of Silver is a Y/A anthropomorphic novel completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost everything. Now he has to join the squirrel community in their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who orchestrated this "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated.
Having a girlfriend can get a little hairy too. She's just like her mother, smart and in control, though she dreams at night of prowling weasel skeletons.
Silver won't give up. He's determined to forgive the ones who hurt him so badly, save them from the predators, and maybe just win Sandy as his own. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way his life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game. Yet, Silver has faith that good can somehow come out of all this disaster.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
Squirrels plant the trees, live by them, and may ultimately destroy them, but even Silver Squirrel is amazed by what their leaders are up to when they burn down his home.
The Crucible of Silver is a Y/A anthropomorphic novel completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost everything. Now he has to join the squirrel community in their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who orchestrated this "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated.
Having a girlfriend can get a little hairy too. She's just like her mother, smart and in control, though she dreams at night of prowling weasel skeletons.
Silver won't give up. He's determined to forgive the ones who hurt him so badly, save them from the predators, and maybe just win Sandy as his own. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way his life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game. Yet, Silver has faith that good can somehow come out of all this disaster.
Nov 18, 2010
Query- The End Begins - 8th Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
Click here to read the seventh revision.
For Raiana Okard the Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. It's all she's known and strives for since her birth. And despite being the constant underdog, she felt their promise coming true when she was handpicked to be a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in that world is shattered when she discovers their power-giving quartz is being harvested from their bodies. Before succumbing to the same fate she escapes to the United States.
Now a walking target of her oppressors Rai trades her skills to a military union for protection. Despite the cease fire between the two military powers, their shaky peace will become undeniable war on a dime. The Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens.
Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources to deal a vital blow to her enemy’s efforts. But the conflict is not without cost. Rai is constantly tested. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere. Though the weight of fatigue and stress gnaws at her feet, she remains vigilant in adapting to her enemy.
While The Union gains momentum, Rai waivers to complete her mission when she realizes her actions could bring about the academy’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
Click here to read the seventh revision.
For Raiana Okard the Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. It's all she's known and strives for since her birth. And despite being the constant underdog, she felt their promise coming true when she was handpicked to be a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in that world is shattered when she discovers their power-giving quartz is being harvested from their bodies. Before succumbing to the same fate she escapes to the United States.
Now a walking target of her oppressors Rai trades her skills to a military union for protection. Despite the cease fire between the two military powers, their shaky peace will become undeniable war on a dime. The Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens.
Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources to deal a vital blow to her enemy’s efforts. But the conflict is not without cost. Rai is constantly tested. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere. Though the weight of fatigue and stress gnaws at her feet, she remains vigilant in adapting to her enemy.
While The Union gains momentum, Rai waivers to complete her mission when she realizes her actions could bring about the academy’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Nov 16, 2010
Query- The Crucible of Silver (fifth revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
The Crucible of Silver is a middle grade (and up) talking animal story completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost his home and loved ones. Now he has to join the squirrel community, and their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a squirrel female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who burned down his home in a planned "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated. Squirrel mating rituals can get a little hairy too. Silver finds that out when Sandy dumps him in a fit of spring fever.
But Silver won't give up. He's determined to win Sandy as his own, and to save the community from predation and forgive the ones who hurt him so badly. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way Silver's life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the synopsis.
The Crucible of Silver is a middle grade (and up) talking animal story completed at 70,000 words.
Nobody cares if Silver Squirrel lives or dies, but he's got a heart, and a broken one at that.
He's lost his home and loved ones. Now he has to join the squirrel community, and their chaotic dance of behavior, if he wants to survive.
A hawk has her eye on him, and some hungry ermine are on the hunt as well. Things would be terribly bleak if it wasn't for his friends the crows who make their own special kind of chaos, and of course Sandy Brown, a squirrel female he's taken a liking to.
Sandy's mother is one of the squirrel leaders, the very ones who burned down his home in a planned "controlled" burn, so things are pretty complicated. Squirrel mating rituals can get a little hairy too. Silver finds that out when Sandy dumps him in a fit of spring fever.
But Silver won't give up. He's determined to win Sandy as his own, and to save the community from predation and forgive the ones who hurt him so badly. His plan is doomed to disaster, but that's the way Silver's life is. The hawk plans on teaching her mate a lesson, and Silver is the pawn in the game.
Nov 14, 2010
The End Begins - 7th Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
The Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. For Raiana Okard, an under appreciated academic, she could feel the change when she surpassed everyone’s expectations and became a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in the world she knew was shattered when she discovers her people are being harvested for the power-giving crystals in their bodies. Just before she succumbs to the same fate, the price for her snooping, she escapes to the United States.
Targeted as a threat to her oppressors, The Coalition, Rai trades her services to a military union for protection, whose might is a derivative of her own power – melding human flesh to supercharged quartz. On the turn of a dime, shaky peace will become undeniable war. And the Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens. With no choice but to follow their orders, Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources.
Rai’s will to survive is constantly tested as fatigue sets in. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere, but must remain vigilant in adapting to their offenses. While The Union gains momentum, Rai’s loyalty waivers once she realizes her decisions could inadvertently bring about her community’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Click here to read the sixth revision.
The Magic Academy of the Nine was the promising stage for the next evolution of Man. For Raiana Okard, an under appreciated academic, she could feel the change when she surpassed everyone’s expectations and became a spokeswoman for her community. But her confidence in the world she knew was shattered when she discovers her people are being harvested for the power-giving crystals in their bodies. Just before she succumbs to the same fate, the price for her snooping, she escapes to the United States.
Targeted as a threat to her oppressors, The Coalition, Rai trades her services to a military union for protection, whose might is a derivative of her own power – melding human flesh to supercharged quartz. On the turn of a dime, shaky peace will become undeniable war. And the Union wants to shake the enemies grasp on stolen resources before that happens. With no choice but to follow their orders, Rai plunges headlong into treacherous territory to take over and protect a fort of vital resources.
Rai’s will to survive is constantly tested as fatigue sets in. She feels the eyes of her enemies everywhere, but must remain vigilant in adapting to their offenses. While The Union gains momentum, Rai’s loyalty waivers once she realizes her decisions could inadvertently bring about her community’s destruction.
THE END BEGINS, at 90,000 words, is my first science fiction novel.
Nov 8, 2010
Contest- Win a Query Critique
Attention Slushpile followers:
Would you like your query critiqued by a professional editor?
Lynnette Labelle is offering to do just that. Check out this post on her blog for details. The deadline for submissions is Friday, November 12.
For more information on Lynette's editing services, check out her website.
Would you like your query critiqued by a professional editor?
Lynnette Labelle is offering to do just that. Check out this post on her blog for details. The deadline for submissions is Friday, November 12.
For more information on Lynette's editing services, check out her website.
Thank you, Nathan Bransford
For those of you trapped under rocks* or otherwise cut off from the world's most pressing news, Nathan Bransford announced last week that he will be leaving the world of agenting to take a position in social media for CNET.
I launched this blog on March 6, 2009. According to Google Analytics there were 30 visits that day. I was elated on Thursday the 12th when the site had 56 visitors. And the next day, Nathan Bransford mentioned the Public Query Slushpile on his blog. The site had 473 visits that day! That invaluable boost gave the Slushpile the momentum it needed, giving us all queries to read and attracting many talented people to share their feedback through the comments.
Nathan has been kind to many of us, offering encouragement, advice, and general sanity through his blog. I've even emailed him several one-off questions, and he answered every one (usually the same day I emailed him).
I would almost expect Nathan to save the world, if he wasn't busy breaking the universe with a cosmic space ka-pow.
Good luck Nathan. Thanks for all your support!
*Anyone seen 127 Hours? I bet even that guy knows.
I launched this blog on March 6, 2009. According to Google Analytics there were 30 visits that day. I was elated on Thursday the 12th when the site had 56 visitors. And the next day, Nathan Bransford mentioned the Public Query Slushpile on his blog. The site had 473 visits that day! That invaluable boost gave the Slushpile the momentum it needed, giving us all queries to read and attracting many talented people to share their feedback through the comments.
Nathan has been kind to many of us, offering encouragement, advice, and general sanity through his blog. I've even emailed him several one-off questions, and he answered every one (usually the same day I emailed him).
I would almost expect Nathan to save the world, if he wasn't busy breaking the universe with a cosmic space ka-pow.
Good luck Nathan. Thanks for all your support!
*Anyone seen 127 Hours? I bet even that guy knows.
Nov 7, 2010
Query - All Because of You (Third Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Future Agent,
Forced to kill for sport until the age of sixteen, Adelaide Banvard has been kept at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the man she feels indebted to for saving her life. For ten years she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands. But Adelaide finally has the chance to escape this existence of violence, eager to live a life of her own.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is an 85,000-word suspense. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia and would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Dear Awesome Future Agent,
Forced to kill for sport until the age of sixteen, Adelaide Banvard has been kept at the side of Christian Wren, one of the most powerful men in Los Angeles and the man she feels indebted to for saving her life. For ten years she’s been dedicated to his cause, the schizophrenic monster in her head enjoying every moment of pain delivered and every drop of blood on her hands. But Adelaide finally has the chance to escape this existence of violence, eager to live a life of her own.
Her opportunity comes in the form of ATF Agent Marcus Grant, a man whose assignment is to apprehend Wren, the suspected leader behind one of the largest gunrunning operations California has ever seen. Adelaide’s loyalties are tested at every turn as she fights her way out of Wren’s organization and tries to conceal the attraction she feels for the ATF agent who wants her for murder.
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU is an 85,000-word suspense. I have a degree from Utah Valley University in the field of Psychology, owning accurate knowledge on the subject of Schizophrenia and would be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Nov 4, 2010
QUERY- THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH
Dear Agent,
If only Chloe Carmichael had known of her powers sooner. She might have had time to mentally prepare for the chaos that would soon ensue. Chloe is a 16 year old student at Whitney Young High School. She’s popular, she’s attractive, her parents are rich, and she truly believes she’s going insane.
THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH is complete at 74,000 words, and is young adult science fiction. Chloe's life begins to unravel as a series of unexplained occurrences take place. Her boyfriend dies a ghastly death - which she saw prior to it occurring. She begins to hear voices, see people that don’t exist, and objects mysteriously begin to move when she is angry. These things transpire as she attempts to cope with her deteriorating relationship with her mother, which only proves to further confuse her. Christopher Thomas, a new student, insists things aren’t as they seem in her perfectly created world. Chloe is faced with an unfathomable choice: Join Chris and his friends as super humans or remain in her sheltered monotonous life. The only complication: She may lose who she is to become who she always was.
I joined the military immediately after high school and because of this have no shortage of characters to choose from when I write. I am a Paralegal, a wife, and a mother to three beautiful children.
The entire novel or partial can be sent at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
If only Chloe Carmichael had known of her powers sooner. She might have had time to mentally prepare for the chaos that would soon ensue. Chloe is a 16 year old student at Whitney Young High School. She’s popular, she’s attractive, her parents are rich, and she truly believes she’s going insane.
THE CHLOE CHRONICLES AND THE REBIRTH is complete at 74,000 words, and is young adult science fiction. Chloe's life begins to unravel as a series of unexplained occurrences take place. Her boyfriend dies a ghastly death - which she saw prior to it occurring. She begins to hear voices, see people that don’t exist, and objects mysteriously begin to move when she is angry. These things transpire as she attempts to cope with her deteriorating relationship with her mother, which only proves to further confuse her. Christopher Thomas, a new student, insists things aren’t as they seem in her perfectly created world. Chloe is faced with an unfathomable choice: Join Chris and his friends as super humans or remain in her sheltered monotonous life. The only complication: She may lose who she is to become who she always was.
I joined the military immediately after high school and because of this have no shortage of characters to choose from when I write. I am a Paralegal, a wife, and a mother to three beautiful children.
The entire novel or partial can be sent at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query: The End Begins - Sixth Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Raiana Draco thought The Nine was an academy created for the expressed purpose of training its students of the magically inclined. She never would have thought that her father, long gone from her life, was responsible for merging human flesh with a synthetic crystal to produce their magnificent power. On top of that, then made a permanent trading agreement - their people for “protection” from the outside world.
With the truth discovered, she escapes to the United States. Hunted by the academy in a world nearly devoid of magic, she survives by soliciting her services to a military alliance that wage a secret war against her people’s oppressor.
THE END BEGINS is a 90,000 science fiction novel that follows Rai’s travels as fatigue, persecution, and traitorous minds pushes her limits as her people die from the crystal extraction process that only her father has the answers to stop.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Click here to read the fifth revision.
Raiana Draco thought The Nine was an academy created for the expressed purpose of training its students of the magically inclined. She never would have thought that her father, long gone from her life, was responsible for merging human flesh with a synthetic crystal to produce their magnificent power. On top of that, then made a permanent trading agreement - their people for “protection” from the outside world.
With the truth discovered, she escapes to the United States. Hunted by the academy in a world nearly devoid of magic, she survives by soliciting her services to a military alliance that wage a secret war against her people’s oppressor.
THE END BEGINS is a 90,000 science fiction novel that follows Rai’s travels as fatigue, persecution, and traitorous minds pushes her limits as her people die from the crystal extraction process that only her father has the answers to stop.
Nov 3, 2010
QUERY- CINDER CLOUDS
Click here to read the original query (originally titled THE CHRONICLES OF CHRISTMAS).
A research team drilling ice cores at the North Pole finds something amazing buried deep in the ice: a book that tells the origins of Santa Claus.
Jason didn’t come to the North Pole with his father to learn about global warming, he just wants to see Santa Claus. After weeks surrounded by nothing but a few stuffy scientists and a whole lot of cold, Jason loses faith. But when an ice core comes back with a book embedded in it – a book that proves the existence of Santa – they face a tough decision: keep the book and get rich, or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner.
The book tells the tale of Kris Kringle. Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is raised by the Elfs of the Woodland Glen, even though contact with humans goes against eons of Elfin law. Kris is desperate to find his real family. When a lead points him to the town of Oldenton, Kris convinces the High Council to allow him to search for his family by delivering a present to each child in Oldenton on Christmas Day, as long as no human sees him. But there’s a catch: Kris – and any Elf who helps him – must leave the Glen immediately. The High Council is convinced that humans are greedy, destructive creatures, and unless Kris can bring back proof that human virtue exists, neither he nor the Elfs who join him will be allowed to return.
Bound by a stringent set of rules, Kris and two dozen Elfs set off for the legendary Great Northern Glen to set up base camp for their operation. When Christmas Day arrives, Kris – known as “the man in the cinder clouds” after an accident involving a chimney – learns his true family has been with him his entire life, and he proves that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
CINDER CLOUDS is a 34,500-word middle-grade novel written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack.
A note on style: the book was written by an Elf. Elfs always capitalize the E, and never convert the f to a v. That’s a human thing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
A research team drilling ice cores at the North Pole finds something amazing buried deep in the ice: a book that tells the origins of Santa Claus.
Jason didn’t come to the North Pole with his father to learn about global warming, he just wants to see Santa Claus. After weeks surrounded by nothing but a few stuffy scientists and a whole lot of cold, Jason loses faith. But when an ice core comes back with a book embedded in it – a book that proves the existence of Santa – they face a tough decision: keep the book and get rich, or find a way to return the book to its rightful owner.
The book tells the tale of Kris Kringle. Born human but abandoned as a baby, Kris is raised by the Elfs of the Woodland Glen, even though contact with humans goes against eons of Elfin law. Kris is desperate to find his real family. When a lead points him to the town of Oldenton, Kris convinces the High Council to allow him to search for his family by delivering a present to each child in Oldenton on Christmas Day, as long as no human sees him. But there’s a catch: Kris – and any Elf who helps him – must leave the Glen immediately. The High Council is convinced that humans are greedy, destructive creatures, and unless Kris can bring back proof that human virtue exists, neither he nor the Elfs who join him will be allowed to return.
Bound by a stringent set of rules, Kris and two dozen Elfs set off for the legendary Great Northern Glen to set up base camp for their operation. When Christmas Day arrives, Kris – known as “the man in the cinder clouds” after an accident involving a chimney – learns his true family has been with him his entire life, and he proves that human virtue does exist…even in the most unexpected of human hearts.
CINDER CLOUDS is a 34,500-word middle-grade novel written for anyone who has ever believed in Santa Claus. This story-within-a-story explains everything from the origins of Santa’s white hair and red suit to his ability to fit all those presents in one sack.
A note on style: the book was written by an Elf. Elfs always capitalize the E, and never convert the f to a v. That’s a human thing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Washed-YA Paranormal
Dear Agent,
Eighteen-year-old Luke Tremaine isn’t claiming he’s an angel, in fact he's far from it, but he never thought he was really bad,like going to the Underworld forever kind of bad.
See, according to Karma, a freaky supernatural entity, Luke’s on his hundredth reincarnated life and it seems that his trademark, couldn’t care less attitude has been a constant in every one of those past lives. Bottom line, he’s got a lot of making up to do with the souls he’s messed with over the years, or what Karma calls getting Washed.
As far as Luke’s concerned, the whole Washed plan has epic fail written all over it. Seriously, how’s he going to find all his so called jobs since, news flash, he has no idea who they are. And even if he does, how’s he supposed to fix up with them, he’s not exactly a giving kind of guy?
But when Moveora, Karma’s gnarly evil twin, shows a vested interest in Luke doing his job,the whole game plan changes. Suddenly it’s not just his neck on the line because Moveora’s got Luke’s best friend Daria in her claws and if Luke knows what’s good for him, he’ll follow the Washed plan to the tee, otherwise Daria will be the one paying for his mistakes.
Washed is Young Adult Paranormal complete at about 68,000. I can be reached at the address provided. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks so much,any comments will be appreciated.D
Eighteen-year-old Luke Tremaine isn’t claiming he’s an angel, in fact he's far from it, but he never thought he was really bad,like going to the Underworld forever kind of bad.
See, according to Karma, a freaky supernatural entity, Luke’s on his hundredth reincarnated life and it seems that his trademark, couldn’t care less attitude has been a constant in every one of those past lives. Bottom line, he’s got a lot of making up to do with the souls he’s messed with over the years, or what Karma calls getting Washed.
As far as Luke’s concerned, the whole Washed plan has epic fail written all over it. Seriously, how’s he going to find all his so called jobs since, news flash, he has no idea who they are. And even if he does, how’s he supposed to fix up with them, he’s not exactly a giving kind of guy?
But when Moveora, Karma’s gnarly evil twin, shows a vested interest in Luke doing his job,the whole game plan changes. Suddenly it’s not just his neck on the line because Moveora’s got Luke’s best friend Daria in her claws and if Luke knows what’s good for him, he’ll follow the Washed plan to the tee, otherwise Daria will be the one paying for his mistakes.
Washed is Young Adult Paranormal complete at about 68,000. I can be reached at the address provided. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks so much,any comments will be appreciated.D
Oct 28, 2010
Query- DAGGER ( FIRST REVISION )
Click here to read the original query.
Thirteen-year-old Nathan Dagger must transform himself from a chubby video gaming geek, into a strong and fearless warrior.
OPAL, the omni- psychic assassin league, believes Nathan has a powerful remote viewing gift. Locking onto their ruthless enemy Zafaar, and challenging him to a psychic battle is the mission assigned to him. The problem is, there is no getting out of this fight to the death.
An elaborate plan of deception is set in place to test and train Nathan. He is tried physically and mentally for ten agonizing weeks, using military drills and psychological tactics, designed to push him to his breaking point, and test his morals. Throughout his trials, and radical metamorphosis from a weakling into a fierce soldier, Nathan must discover the awesome power and the terrible curse of his hidden gifts. Only then can he enter the mysterious world of OPAL, where advanced technology is merged with psychic abilities to fight evil.
Deep underground in OPAL’s command center, Nathan is told the shocking news about Zafaar. He was an agent of OPAL, but turned traitor when he got denied leadership of the mind control program. Now he commands a radical organization with a dark ideology. His goal, purify the earth of anyone weak or unwilling to serve him. Cloaking his mind from OPAL, is the key to Zafaar’s success. Underestimating Nathan as a lethal enemy, is the biggest mistake he can make.
DAGGER is an 86,000 word paranormal young adult novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Thirteen-year-old Nathan Dagger must transform himself from a chubby video gaming geek, into a strong and fearless warrior.
OPAL, the omni- psychic assassin league, believes Nathan has a powerful remote viewing gift. Locking onto their ruthless enemy Zafaar, and challenging him to a psychic battle is the mission assigned to him. The problem is, there is no getting out of this fight to the death.
An elaborate plan of deception is set in place to test and train Nathan. He is tried physically and mentally for ten agonizing weeks, using military drills and psychological tactics, designed to push him to his breaking point, and test his morals. Throughout his trials, and radical metamorphosis from a weakling into a fierce soldier, Nathan must discover the awesome power and the terrible curse of his hidden gifts. Only then can he enter the mysterious world of OPAL, where advanced technology is merged with psychic abilities to fight evil.
Deep underground in OPAL’s command center, Nathan is told the shocking news about Zafaar. He was an agent of OPAL, but turned traitor when he got denied leadership of the mind control program. Now he commands a radical organization with a dark ideology. His goal, purify the earth of anyone weak or unwilling to serve him. Cloaking his mind from OPAL, is the key to Zafaar’s success. Underestimating Nathan as a lethal enemy, is the biggest mistake he can make.
DAGGER is an 86,000 word paranormal young adult novel. Thank you for your consideration.
Oct 26, 2010
The End Begins - Fifth Revision
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent of my Dreams,
Out of a closed community of the Magic Academy of the Nine, the newest evolution of Man proceeds. But Raiana Draco, one of their top students, discovered its plot to use students as a means to power a warring nations’ fleet. Her punishment? She’s signed up to be made into a battery. But thanks to the loving instructor she escaped into a fractured United States.
Hunted by the academy and its ally, The Coalition of United Territories, in a world nearly devoid of magic, she must survive a science driven society by soliciting her services to a military union who wages a secret war against them.
With war already in motion, she quickly gains her commander’s trust and is assigned to a special team to protect the countries last stockpile of vital resources.
But not all is what it seems.
Rai and her company must traverse the hostile territory as they are pushed to their limits by fatigue, persecution, and misled by a traitorous mind. But the wolf among their sheep discovers his union’s details about the stockade. An emergency wormhole device designed to retrieve other agents of war from alternate worlds.
The C.U.T. need their homegrown batteries to make it work. And only her father has the answers for them to stop them.
The traitor leads to the companies escape and advance on their mission, but they must remain vigilant. They race against time and decaying moral, unsure what awaits them at the end of their road: salvation or destruction.
THE END BEGINS is a Science Fiction story at 90,000 words.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Click here to read the fourth revision.
Dear Agent of my Dreams,
Out of a closed community of the Magic Academy of the Nine, the newest evolution of Man proceeds. But Raiana Draco, one of their top students, discovered its plot to use students as a means to power a warring nations’ fleet. Her punishment? She’s signed up to be made into a battery. But thanks to the loving instructor she escaped into a fractured United States.
Hunted by the academy and its ally, The Coalition of United Territories, in a world nearly devoid of magic, she must survive a science driven society by soliciting her services to a military union who wages a secret war against them.
With war already in motion, she quickly gains her commander’s trust and is assigned to a special team to protect the countries last stockpile of vital resources.
But not all is what it seems.
Rai and her company must traverse the hostile territory as they are pushed to their limits by fatigue, persecution, and misled by a traitorous mind. But the wolf among their sheep discovers his union’s details about the stockade. An emergency wormhole device designed to retrieve other agents of war from alternate worlds.
The C.U.T. need their homegrown batteries to make it work. And only her father has the answers for them to stop them.
The traitor leads to the companies escape and advance on their mission, but they must remain vigilant. They race against time and decaying moral, unsure what awaits them at the end of their road: salvation or destruction.
THE END BEGINS is a Science Fiction story at 90,000 words.
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